'Should I be worried about how my husband talks about his female nemesis?' UPDATED

"Should I be worried about how my husband talks about his female nemesis?"

Here's the original post:

I have this itch in my brain that I need to scratch. I (32f) am married to my husband (33m) for 5 years now. Recently, about a year ago, my husband's office hired a new employee, let's call her Jess (25f). My husband would often complain about how stupid she is.

Here are some list of complains, she always tries to act smart even though she is a kid, she always laughs at silly little thing which he finds annoying, he sometimes criticized her carefree nature, he once told me she was dressed like a clown (she just wore red lipstick).

It feels like every time he comes from the office it is always him complaining about her or what she did. And usually it is just some normal shit. He told me Jess teases him by calling him an old man. He really hates that. It feels like this girl Jess is always in his mind.

The other day we went to shopping. I really liked a red shoe and asked my husband how I looked. He said it will look gorgeous on me. Then out of nowhere he said "Thank god you do not have stinky feet like Jess. She always wears shoes that looks weird on her." And then proceed to say how much he hates her and that she is his nemesis.

This was clearly out of nowhere. The thing that confirmed my suspicion is that he follows jess on Instagram. We were sitting on our couch. I was watching a movie and he was scrolling through Instagram. He was on Jess's page literally binge watching her content. I mean if he hates her and hates everything she does then why is he stalking her?

I did bring it up and he said that I am being ridiculous that I should know that he hates Jess. So thinking that there is something going on is making me look insecure. I do not know what to believe. My instincts tell me something else. But logically if he hates someone that much he wouldn't bring them up in every conversation. Where do I go next?

What do you think is going on here? This is what commenters had to say:

noticingloops said:

He's obsessed. He uses hate as a coverup to explain why he's thinking about her so often. It's also a handy tool to gaslight you by suggesting you're crazy for thinking anything is going on because he "obviously" hates her. Come on the guy brought up her feet unprompted lmao. He's 33 years old, call his ass out.

onetrickpony4u said:

He's actually really into Jess. He sounds obsessed with her.

MuntjackDrowning said:

He’s overcompensating for a crush.

No_Association9968 said:

Follow your feeling- 6th sense is very rarely wrong. Check his phone.

And OrionDecline21 said:

He may not be completely aware that behind his antagonism to her may lay some deep attraction. Ask him if he finds her attractive or beautiful? Gauge his reaction

Turns out, her gut was right. A week after her original post, she shared this update:

Well I have answers now. They were having an emotional affair. I came to know of it when I checked my husband's phone (don't give me all that crap about privacy). I pressed him hard on it and he admitted he has a thing for her. He had taken day off from work so that they can go hiking or just hangout. He swears he didn't sleep with her or kissed her. I am not sure about that.

Their chats look more like banter. I asked him does he like her. He was hesitant but eventually admitted having a crush on her. I asked why? Why does he have a crush on her when she is not someone who he likes. His logic, "She makes me feel alive. She makes me to crazy things and she has an energy that makes me feel special". I am hopeless.

For months I have asked him to take a break and we will go to Italy like we always wanted. He made nothing but excuses. I wanted to tell him he is chasing a fantasy. He likes the version of her she presented herself as. But who am I to convince a love sick man who would cheat on his wife of 5 years just because she is not energetic.

I left my house. I am staying with a friend. I haven't decided on divorce yet. I am scared to start over at 32. I want to become a mother but that means I would waste my good years searching for another man. I cannot believe he is falling for the obvious manic pixie dream girl thing.

If he really wanted energy and do crazy things why couldn't he just say that? I would love to go hiking, I would love to skip work and just be outside with him all day. Yet he choose a girl he claims he hates but not really. He has been calling and texting me non-stop. He wants to work this out. He even offered to quit and change his job but that's not going to solve anything will it?