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Woman asks if she's wrong to shame friend for comparing her divorce to fiancé's death.

Woman asks if she's wrong to shame friend for comparing her divorce to fiancé's death.


Divorce is difficult, but losing a spouse can be a whole other level of grief and loss. Is it ever okay to compare a divorce to the death of a partner? When this widow confronts a divorced friend for being 'competitive' with trauma, she takes to the popular Reddit forum to ask:

'AITA for telling my friend her divorce is not the same as my fiancé dying?'

Listen, I didn't even want to get into comparing the two situations to begin with, so there were more than a few occasions I let it go when my friend made the comments. Anything about how the divorce is a death and she's grieving the relationship was fine. -newspaper4911

Fair enough OP. But then, it gets super weird...

I initially wasn't even equating it to my experience which was 3 years ago, because she's going through it now and my experiences just aren't even relevant.

But then she kept making and escalating the comments to the point of direct comparison. How this must be what I went through with David dying and how all of her future dreams are dead, just like how mine were.

Wowwww, ok this friend is taking this divorce really hard...

We were at a get-together and she was talking about things when someone else asked how things were going, and she again brings me into the discussion of her divorce by talking about how dealing with a divorce is like watching a relationship die from cancer, she gestures to me and says how she really understands now, we're both single widows now, etcetc.

OMG....both 'widows' now???

Maybe I should have bit my tongue but I just sort of blurted that it wasn't the same thing at all; her husband didn't die, he chose to leave, and they actually got to give marriage a shot.

My friend was shocked and offended, she ended up crying about how she just wanted to relate and I don't even know if I should apologize. AITA?

Well, let's see what Reddit had to say.

NTA. There are limits to how sensitive and compassionate you should have to be. When someone is tacky enough to continually compare your fiance's death to her divorce, meh, she gets what she gets.I am so very sorry for your loss. hug - bravecheesecake

It gives me Münchausen syndrome vibes… she’s idolizing losing a spouse and wants the same sympathy I’m sure her friend got. WEIRD creepy behavior. OP I’d go NC with her honestly -zealousideal-duty511

NTA. It’s really creepy. My guess is that she is trying to side step her own shame. In her mind OP lost her husband but didn’t have to suffer any feelings for f blame or responsibility. Her friend is likely “jealous” in a really twisted way. -frostyad8676

My husband had been married to his first wife for about ten years, they had two kids, and then divorced. A year after that divorce I met him and we started dating. We married, had one child and had been married ten years when he passed away. At his funeral I learned the ex was saying she was now a widow! - accomplishedad3432

And then, this ZINGER.

That’s exactly what it is a trauma di** measuring contest. Holy moly what a turn of phrase!! Chef’s kiss! NTA. -leimana

Well, there you have it. OP is NOT the AH. The divorced friend is. That said, what is UP with people treating grief like it's a content. It's gross!

Sources: Reddit
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