Wife finds 'sexy' photos of nanny on husband's phone, he says 'I never respond.'
'Am I wrong for throwing my husband out after finding nudes from the nanny?'
I’m new to Reddit but my little sister suggested I ask here. I’m 28F, my daughter is Cassie 11months & my husband is Alex 35. So basically it’s just what the title says.
I had Cassie and then returned to work (psychologist) as I could never be a SAHM. I’m actually French but live in the US. So when I returned at the 4month mark, as I had a difficult birth, we looked around to find a nanny to look after Cassie whilst myself and Alex were at work.
We saw a few girls but then one of Alex’s colleagues suggested his daughter who had dropped out of college. Let’s call her Liv 20f. Everything went well, admittedly I did notice her being quite attached to Cassie but I brushed it off as a good friendship between the two.
She also liked Alex, it was obvious she had a crush on him, always batting her lashes and giggling. I actually found it amusing as I’m confident in myself. He always laughed it off with me too.
But then on Thursday night, he asked me to do something on his phone whilst he bathed Cassie and I saw some pictures flash up from Liv.
When I looked at them they were obviously sexy n*des, she was wearing skimpy lingerie and in provocative poses. I looked back at the history and she had been sending these for a while.
As far as I can see Alex has never responded but obviously texts can be deleted. When I asked him he got defensive and told me to stop using my psychiatrist tricks on him ?.
I was not happy with his non answers and it ended up in a shouting match waking Cassie. So I got him a bag and threw him out. Told him he’s not welcome back until I have answers.
I’m considering taking Cassie back home to see my family in France for a little bit. His mother and friends have been blowing up my phone saying I’m being too harsh and they were harmless texts.
Nevertheless I feel disrespected and that doesn’t fly with me. Was I too harsh? Should I except his claims that he never responded?
Edit: not husband, fiance! Also I'm not taking Cassie to France. We will visit my family for a few weeks and Alex has given consent.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
You are not wrong. Even if the very first nude text was unsolicited, he should have alerted you immediately and discussed with you what to do about it.
And his parents/family trying to minimize the bad behavior are just as complicit. Good to learn such things now, before marriage and many years together. I’d do exactly as OP has done. Because if he never owns up to the problem with his behavior, then that is irrefutable evidence as to what type of person he really is.
Not wrong. At the very least, he should have told her to stop, and also brought it to your attention.
Tell his family to get screwed and you’ll let them know when he’ll freezes over and you want their input. Take your daughter and go visit your family for a few weeks. In fact, let him know that right now it’s a one way ticket until he decides to be honest. Also, talk to a lawyer so you can get custody arrangements started. Best of luck and shoot us an update.
The very first time she did that he should have showed it to you, and the two of you should have discussed what to do which should have included terminating her employment at your nanny.
The OP responded here:
Believe me. I've sent scathing messages of dismissal to her and her father.