I f31 am a sahm with 2 kids. My husband dedicates most of his salary towards the kids and household, but has a safe that he puts money in on a monthly basis. I didn't make a fuss over it because he said that it's saved money for an emergency.
I asked for the combination countless of times but he refused to give it to me and said that in case of an emergency, all I needed to do was inform him.
He went on a 2 day business trip. Our son got sick and I had to take him to the hospital. The problem is, he needed medication but I didn't have any money except what was in the safe. I called my husband but he didn't respond. I texted him explaining the situation but he refused to cut his trip short and come home.
I asked how I was supposed to get money for medication. He suggested I either A. Wait for him til he get home or, B. 'Borrow money from the neighbors. I just had it. I hung up and went to the garage to grab a crowbar then took it to the safe and opened it. I took the money I needed which was about 60$ and went to the pharmacy store to get the medication.
My husband came home a bit earlier and when he saw what I'd done to the safe, he flipped out and started freaking out at me. I said I had no choice and all his suggestions were unreasonable and illogical for me to even consider.
He yelled saying I breached his trust and his boundaries and should've never touched the safe much less use the crowbar on it. We had a big argument and he kept saying that I had no respect for him, his income and instructions. Then he completely refused to speak to me and is threatening to move the safe since he no longer trusts me around it.
Was I in the wrong for the steps I took? Should I have tried another alternative?
I didn't have any credit cards because he's the one that normally has them since they're in his name. I don't have a bank account to be able to own a credit card.
From the comments:
NTA. This behavior is not normal. The fact that he left you with no money and you have access to no money is financial abuse. Let him move the safe…all the way out of the house along with his sorry butt.
Wtf??? Borrow money from the neighbors instead of giving you access to household money? Unless you’ve got a serious history of money problems you’re not mentioning, then there’s no excuse here. NTA. Also, look up the definition of financial abuse
Even if OP has a serious history of money problems, her not having a bank account that he can transfer money into in case of emergency is a huge issue.
ESH except your kids. Your husband is financially abusing you and you are allowing it at the detriment of your children. Your husband works and you stay home with the kids (which is work without pay). You are entitled to those funds just as much as he is.
YOU don’t have a bank account or savings of your own. You don’t have access or the knowledge of your husband’s financials. If this was just you, I wouldn’t be calling you an a**hole. But you have children that depend on you.