So, Ever since I had my son months ago, my husband has started making indirect comments about my body. He never says any hurtful words but I find his 'observations' as he calls it hurtful.
For example, he'd see me wearing an old top and say 'oh that top used to look good on you but not anymore though...' or when he looks at my waist and says 'Wow, didn't know your waist could get this wide!'. Basically passive stuff that I tried to ignore til it extended to friends and family. FYI this went on for months and months and months!!.
We went to christmas celebration at his family's home. My SIL complimented my floral maxi dress and my husband said 'I agree it looks nice on you...though I have to admit that your waist could get smaller than this!'. Awkward silence took over. I was absolutely fuming and this was my last straw.
So I got up from my chair in the middle of dinner and shouted at the top of my lungs 'SHUT THE F$#@ UP ABOUT MY BODDDYYY!!!!'.
He was absolutely speechless as his family stared while some others tried to get me to calm down but situation got more tense and dinner ended up being cut short and my husband storming off to his friend's place to spend the night upon leaving a very nasty text saying I embarrassed him and made a scene over an 'observation' he made.
He called me childish and told me to get therapy for my insecurities instead of verbally abusing him and scaring his family. Now I feel like an absolute idiot asshole and like I ruined christmas for him and everybody with my over sensitivity. AITA??
Here's how people judged OP:
ESH. Your husband for obvious reasons. You for exploding. I get the anger and emotion, but now you too look like a impetuous child. It would have been so easy to shine a light directly on your husbands abhorrent behavior and reinforce to everyone just how awful he was being, using words instead of screams.
SallysSalon111 OP responded:
Okay, understood. Thank you so much for your input.
I think the last thing your husband really wants is for you to 'get therapy'. If you do, you'll discover that he is an emotionally abusive bully and stop feeling guilty for refusing to put up with his BS.
NTA, but your husband is. Do as he recommended and get therapy so that you can regain the self confidence he has eroded with his cruel 'observations'.
Agree, this is gaslighting 101. The default position of abusers and bullies. OP deserves so much better than this.
NTA. Divorce him. He's gaslighting you. His observations, as he calls them, are all direct insults. He is actively body-shaming you. Likely on purpose and fully aware of what he's doing. He wants you back as you were before and fails to realize that bodies change. He is abusing you mentally, verbally.
You simply reached the breaking point and let it out. Don't start bottling up again. Rebuke him every time he says smth, in front if everyone until he either learns or leaves. Or in other words, he's shown his true colors.
NTA - Your husband is the one making you feel insecure. He sounds extremely manipulative. There is also no way his family was “scared” of you. You should see a counselor, not for the reasons he suggested, but because you are in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship and you need to get some support.
If you want to stay married, then you should also seek out marriage counseling because this dynamic with your husband is not ok.