Woman finds out husband was in love with sister's friend; cuts hair as revenge. AITA?

"I cut my hair very short to hurt my husband. Now he says IATAH"

We (f26, m29 have been married for 2 months) were at a dinner party at my husband’s sister's (f33) and I found out that my husband was in love with his sister’s friend (Jasmine f33) for the longest time.

I wasb't bothered by that. We met 3 years ago and we both had lives before we met. What I didn’t like was how Jasmine kept touching and kissing my husband on the cheek and saying she regretted dumping him.

I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to make a scene since Jasmine was already drunk and loud so I just tried to stand between my husband and her. After a while Jasmine, "shouted don’t worry if I wanted him I could have had him."

The music was loud so not many heard Jasmine beside my husband’s sister and me. My husband’s sister kept telling Jasmine to shut up, but Jasmine said no I might as well know that she let me have him so I don’t look this smug.

I didn’t say anything and I wasn’t smug at all but mortified. Then she stood so close to me and told me that my husband texted with her the day before our wedding and if she wanted she could’ve easily told him to call off the wedding. I was shocked. When we got home I confronted my husband about everything.

About the hugging and kissing? He said she was drunk so he didn’t know what to do.

About calling me pathetic (she called me pathetic for following my husband around because I didn’t know anyone there but sister in law and I’m very shy)? He said that she was obviously jealous so he didn’t want to stoop to her level.

About the texts before our wedding? He swore that they were innocent. He was nervous and she texted him and he told her he was nervous and scared and nothing more. The texts were deleted.

I was still very upset and he told me he loved me and he was happy to have married me. I was still upset so he told me to work on my self esteem because I was being dramatic about a “loser.”

I asked him if he would have married her if she didn’t dump him and he said yeah. Then he hastily said because I wouldn’t have known you. I asked him if he did would he have chosen her. He just sat silent.

I have been crying all week, switching between anger and pain in my heart. My husband loves my hair so I made an appointment today and cut it very very short. When he saw me he was very angry and said I was an AH because I knew he loved my hair and I cut it to get back at him. He called me a big baby and an AH. But I don’t think I’m the AH no matter the reason because it is MY hair and MY choice.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

KitKatMN says:

EHS...OP, I've been married 27 yrs, have known my husband 31 yrs. Hurting someone when ur angry/hurt is no good and keeps the anger/hurt swirling. Next time go by the 24-hour rule: wait 24 hours before doing something so you can cool down.

Usually the immediate idea will not sound so good, and it keeps you from making an impulse or rash decision or saying hurtful words. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's a good rule.

ClueFew8737 OP responded:

This happened Saturday. Today is Thursday. Whenever I wanted to talk he told me I was being silly, a baby, he loved me and that should be enough. I wanted to understand and know more.

ThrowawayDB314 says:

Hmm So, when he gets a tattoo saying "Jasmine Rules" across his back to hurt you....?

ClueFew8737 OP responded:

He’s free to do whatever he wants with his pathetic back

fartinggermandogs says:

grow up, he's probably better off with her, she actually might have the maturity of an adult which you clearly do not have

ClueFew8737 asks:

How is being drunk and loud and groping a married man and calling his wife pathetic because she’s shy, mature?

Anime_Snoopy says:

"I cut my hair very short to hurt my husband." Holy s%$t... There are adults like this??

ClueFew8737 OP responded:

Yes

Klumsy_Alfredo says:

NTA. As long as you like your new hairstyle. If you don’t, than I just think you’re an idiot

ClueFew8737 OP responded:

It’s pretty awesome tbh

Broad-Discipline2360 says:

NTA. I think you should end this marriage. Please leave him. There is too much ickyness in this marriage. You guys are supposed to be each other's safe space, not this hostile shit. Let Jasmine have him. You shouldn't want him if you feel like you need to butcher your hair to hurt him back.

ClueFew8737 OP responded:

I have been thinking that I just want to leave. Let her have him. That’s all I’ve been obsessing about. I want to be everything or nothing.

the_waco_kid2020 asks:

What's the over/under on this marriage lasting? 1 year?

salvagemania writes:

OP already got a break up haircut. Now, she needs the break up to match.