Here's the original post:
I feel like a horrible person. We are supposed to get married on August 20 in a small ceremony. I’ve (f33) been with my fiancé (m34) for 6 years, engaged for 1. The best years of my life. He’s brilliant in every way, or so I thought.
The accident happened 6 weeks ago. A drunk driver hit my fiancé’s car. I spent the worst night in my life in the hospital waiting for answers from the doctors and he went through hours and hours of surgery. His parents and brothers were also there waiting. I’ve always loved his family and they me.
His mum is(was) one of my favorite people and we got along very well. She was happy to have me as her first daughter (in law). She’s religious and when my fiancé was hovering between life and death she was worried about his sins so she told me that he cheated on me about 2 months ago with an ex he bumped into.
She explained that it was because of the wedding and the stress of planning it. Apparently I’ve been both stressed out and stressing him out. He had a weak moment, it was a one time thing and he regretted it so much.
He asked his parents for advice on what to do and they told him not to say anything. As long as he’s remorseful and as long as it was me he wanted, he should forget about what he did and move on. His whole family knew.
After the hospital he moved back to his parents house because we live in a flat without lifts. I visit him every day. I haven’t told him that I know and his family is acting like nothing has changed. They’re very happy he’s doing better and understandably so and my presence by his side is very helpful according to him and his family.
Now both fiancé and his parents are talking about us being able to get married on the day we set after all. I feel awful because I don’t want that. Our relationship was over the moment I found out about the cheating. I stayed because I loved (still do) him and I wanted him to feel better.
I couldn’t break his heart while he’s recovering. I also thought the wedding was postponed and that I (we) would have more time for him to recover fully and be strong and independent again so I could leave with clear conscious.
I tried to speak to his mum today but she just started hyperventilating and kept telling me not to do this. She made a mistake by telling me and that I shouldn’t take advantage of what she said in desperation to punish him and kill his spirit. He’s still recovering and he needs me.
I have been thinking since my talk with his mum about everything and I’m so angry at him. I’m ashamed that even when I was worried about his life I was very angry and resentful. We were supposed to have our wedding in this beautiful manor house that he found thats all inclusive. With our most important people.
My best friend is a DJ and my parents paid for the whole thing even though they’re much poorer so i don’t know where the “stress” has come from. We fixed everything in a week! I’m so angry and I’ve kept bottling it up since the accident. I’m afraid I’m going to explode soon!
”so I don’t even know where the “stress” has come from." That’s because there WAS no stress. It was just a lame excuse he gave to his parents. And they bought it hook line and sinker and are now making you out to be the bad guy. They are a manipulative bunch, and you will be well rid of them.
Well, at least you found out how he handles "stress" ahead of time. I read this expecting to see you ask him and find out it was a lie.
Your future MIL is solely looking out for her and her son, she is not concerned about you and your feelings. She told you something devastating ONLY because she was worried for her sons soul if he didn’t live. Now she’s wanting you to keep quite ONLY because she will look bad for telling you.
Your fiancé is looking out for himself too. He knows what he did was wrong, that’s why he confessed to his parents and not to you. Please look out for yourself, because these people are not.
His entire family knew about him cheating on you. Cancel the wedding and save yourself a bundle of money.
MIL confessed his sins for him? I don't think it works that way...lol. Now she's guilt tripping you. Don't let her do that. If he's well enough to be talking about the wedding still happening on the same day then he's well enough to dump. Dump him. Now. You don't deserve this.
Apparently she listened to people's advice. Because days after her original post, the woman posted a major update.
Here's her follow-up post:
I have written here 3 days ago before I talked to my fiancé. This is after I told him I know about his cheating.
I started by telling my parents, who are paying for the wedding, about what happened and that I’m canceling the wedding. Hopefully they can get back some of what they paid via their home insurance. I have told them that I’m going to pay the rest of the damages. My dad refused. I insisted. It’s not up to them☺️.
Since my fiancé still lives with his parents I felt that I would be outnumbered if I went alone to end it. text or a call wasn’t an option since he meant a lot more to me than that and I really wanted to see his face and ask wtf! I also wanted him to see my hurt. I don’t want it to be comfortable for him.
Cheaters must see the hurt they cause and hopefully learn from it. I took my mum with me. When I told him that the wedding was off and the reason why he started crying. He told me all things they say in desperation. He was foolish. He didn’t think. He was stressed out. He was scared. It meant nothing. He regretted it. He didn’t want to tell me because it meant nothing and he didn’t want to hurt me.
I should give him a chance to prove himself and his loyalty. He can ask his parents to pay for the wedding. We can postpone the wedding indefinitely. I can take the apartment and he will live with his parents. As long as it takes for me to forgive him.
I haven’t cried so much as I did when I was listening to his bullshit and afterwards on my way home. How could he do this to me? He didn’t give me a satisfying answer to why he did this to me. To us! I have cried myself to sleep every night since the accident and yet I cried like I’ve just found out.
I’m going to stay in the apartment that we bought together and he will stay with his parents. Prices has gone down these last couple of months and we both agreed that we don’t want to sell for less than what we paid. But the moment it goes up again we’re selling.
I have started packing his things now and tomorrow I’m renting a van to move his things to his parents house. Sorting out his stuff and packing his clothes made it real for me. I didn’t expect it to be so emotional. Why do I still love him so much?
He has been texting me and he has called me twice and we talked mostly about mundane stuff but also about us and our relationship. His mum has called me to say that she felt guilty for first not advising him to come clean but even for later divulging his secret to me without his permission.
She was disappointed that I took advantage of her moment of panic but that she understands that I’m hurt. She said he will do his best to win me back. I’m a bit irritated about the fact that none of them (including my parents) believe that it’s really over and I don’t have the energy to prove my point either. I just need some alone time now and some peace and quiet.
What do you think? Should she give him another chance? Or should she get the hell out of this relationship, asap?