'AITA for telling my BF I won't marry him if he keeps his friendship with my ex?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for telling my BF I won't marry him if he keeps his friendship with my ex?"

So my bf Dylan and I have been dating for almost 5 years, and he proposed 9 months ago. We've known each other since high school, however, at the time we were only friends since I was dating my ex, Jason. Long story short, he cheated multiple times and we broke off. That's when I went to college, where I started dating Dylan

They only knew each other from high school but never had an actual friendship. Well, Dylan decided to host a party in order to celebrate our engagement, and one of his friends brought Jason. And surprise surprise they became friends.

Now they text every day, go out on the weekends, or even have dinner together constantly. At first, I didn't think too much of it, but now I am uncomfortable. I talked about this with Dylan after he came back home from work. I established that his friendship with Jason is concerning to me and how he spends more time with him, but told me I was exaggerating.

We kinda had an argument about how Jason cheated and lied to me for years and how could he be ok with that, he said that people can change and that he didn't mean it, blah, blah, blah.

We didn't talk much after that, but then he apologized and told me he'll take me to dinner at my favorite restaurant the next day in order to compensate for the time, we haven't had these weeks. I was really excited, I even went to get my hair done and bought a really pretty dress that afternoon. We'd see each other at the restaurant since he "can't get out of work earlier".

Well, an hour passed and there was no sign of him. I started to get worried and called him repeatedly. Then he arrived, looking terrible. He was drunk and even smell like cigarettes. I asked him where he was at and tried to avoid the question, I asked him again and his guilty face told me everything. He was with Jason. I was livid and left the restaurant.

We had an argument outside and he confessed that he'd promised Jason to go with him to visit this new bar at his house and didn't want to fail him. But I said it seemed he cared more about him than us, that he should get married to him if he is that important. He said he was the only one who understands him, not like me.

I exploited and told him that if he doesn't cut him off then I won't marry him. He started crying and called me an AH for putting him in that position, then he left. Now his mom and sister are calling me also the AH, and manipulative of his life. I am at my sister's house but I really don't know if what I did makes me the AH or not.

Shortly after, she added this:

Jason called me, he asked me if we could see each other to talk about something. He didn't disclose what it was but he said it was important.

Here's what top commenters had to say:

Neptunean said:

break up.

hperez8844 said:

NTA - He clearly showed he doesn't have any respect for you. like wtf

Actual-Bookkeeper633 said:

NTA- If your boyfriend loves you, why would he want to spend time and be friends with someone who hurt you, regardless if it was during high school. Ask yourself how your boyfriend would react if you were friends with one of his cheating exes. If I were you OP I'd dump him and not waste my time.

And a few days later, she posted this whopper of an update:

[Jason and I] went to a coffee shop near my house and we talked. He said that he was sorry for what Dylan did and that if he had known Dylan had a plan with me already, he'd have canceled immediately. Because he cares for me, and that he was sorry for our past issues, that he has changed, and he's a better man now.

I went straight to the point and asked him what he wanted. He continued by saying that he only was telling me this because he cares and wants me to be happy. The thing is that Dylan is gay, not bi, gay. Jason has known since high school because he cheated on me with Dylan.

I knew Jason was a cheater because someone sent me pics of him kissing other girls, but I never saw him with a guy, so I didn't know he was bi. He said it was just a fling, and cut contact with him after it and for a long time. Then Dylan reached out to invite him to a party (yes, our engagement party). Where he cheated on me with Jason again.

We didn't live together at the time so when I thought he was in his house, he was actually banging him.

Jason "realized" what they did was wrong, and that he didn't want me to be with an AH like Dylan.

So he flirted with Dylan in order to make him leave me so I could find someone who can actually treat me the way I deserve. At first, he thought Dylan'll do it but little by little realized he won't let me go cuz he is so afraid to tell the world he is gay. Jason threaten him, that if he loved him he'd leave me.

Dylan refused so Jason pretended to lose interest in him. Dylan became obsessed and afraid he'd leave, so every time he could, he'd talk to him, see him, etc. But since he never confessed his true self he decided to tell me so I just don't waste more time with him.

I couldn't hold my tears, I was so heartbroken I didn't realize Jason was hugging me. Continued saying that he was sorry but I needed to know the truth and that if I ever need anything I can call him. I left and packed all my stuff from the house. I took everything and went back to my sister's.

There's still no sign of Dylan, he hasn't even called or texted. Nothing, and I'm starting to believe what Jason said it's actually true.I am feeling betrayed, lied to, and mad. I don't what to do next, but at least I know the truth. Thank u for reading.

She has since posted a second update:

I didn’t intend to make this a conflict for the LGBTQ+ community. Saw comments harassing them. So please stop. It’s because of that type of behavior that some still are afraid of revealing their preferences which can lead to situations like mine.

With that being said I guess I owe you an update. Dylan never called me, so I decided to force him on telling me the truth. He was with a friend (That friend told me) so I visited him. He didn’t want to talk to me, but I insisted. He started by saying he was sorry, he needed to clear his head and then will come back home. I told him it wasn’t necessary; I didn’t want to get married anymore.

He was mad. I told him that I knew everything about Jason and him and how a coward he was for using me to hide his sexuality. He was crying, saying that it was BS, Jason's lying, that I want to belittle him. After a few minutes, gave up and implored me to not tell his family or anyone. I said I wouldn’t do it but still, I won’t marry him.

After this, his fam called asking what I'd done to him, calling me a liar and a snake. Told them to talk to Dylan and if they continue harassing me, I’d get the police involved. Jason also reached out, sent me flowers, and I threw them away. I told him to leave me alone and never contact me again if he didn’t want me to get a restraining order.

I haven’t heard from them since that. IDk how to go start fresh. I’m supposed to pick up my wedding dress this weekend. My mom and sis told me they’ll help me with it but they’ll need me cuz I paid for it so I’m the only one who can cancel. Today I cut my hair and cried on the way back. I'm crying while writing this too.

Commenters are lending their support:

gotanysparechang33 said:

Him confessing to being gay then saying he isn't is something else. I'm so sorry. But I'm glad you found out before the wedding. I'm sending you all the hugs and postive energy I have. You're strong and you'll get through this! I believe in you and I'm rooting for you!

brightfeather12 said:

“You owe him” ?? WHAT?? And the total dismissal of cheating??? Major bullet dodged, you owe him nothing and he’s a coward. But alas your boyfriend cheating on you with YOUR ex is a wild story so at least you’ll have a funny story at your future wedding.