Woman asks if she's wrong to refuse to financially support husband's kids.
It's hard to set financial boundaries when your significant other has kids. When this woman feels conflicted about her husband's kids, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not supporting my husbands kids?'
My (28f) husband (35m) and I have been married for a year, we dated for two years prior to that. When we met I said I didn't want to have kids of my own, but wouldn't mind being in a relationship with someone who has kids.
We came to the agreement that he would be solely responsible for his kids, minus the little stuff. I love my husband a lot and his kids are alright, the older two are great but the younger two are a bit much.
We have had separate finances our whole relationship, since he has kids and I don't. When I moved into his house we agreed that I would pay 1/4 of the mortgage, since it's a 4 bed and 3/4 rooms go to his kids.
I pay 1/5 of the utilities since there's five of us living here, myself and then him and his four kids. I also buy my own groceries separate from them, since I'm really into fitness and I meal prep once a week it's just the best way to go about it. This was the agreement we came to two years ago and we've stuck to it.
Recently I've gotten a new car, and I guess he's realized my finances vary a bit more from his than they used to. I work as a travel nurse, going to wherever pays the most for about one third of the year.
I make pretty good money, and I've saved a lot. I make around 130k a year. Meal prepping and responsible spending has helped a lot, I don't buy myself a lot of luxuries other than my new car. My husband works as a mechanic, and he makes a fair amount considering we live in a low COL area. around 40k a year.
Well he wants me to start setting up college funds for his kids, and he wants to have a joint account and pay our bills based off our income. Essentially he wants me to pay 2/3 of everything related to the household, and him pay 1/3.
I dont think its fair at all. He decided to have four kids, and I decided not to have any because I would rather spend my time and money on myself. He thinks its not fair that I can buy myself an expensive car while he still drives an older car that needs work.
Ultimately I asked why he agreed to the split we have now if he wasn't okay with it, and he just changes the subject.
AITA for not wanting to support his kids?
Let's see what the Reddit mob had to say on this one.
Indivualetoe9177 writes:
YTA. You are the asshole because you married a man with kids but you expect them not to affect your life in any way. When you get married, it becomes “ours” instead of mine and yours.
Why else get married? Those children can’t help they were conceived but you can help that you married their dad. You are the kind of person that gives stepmothers a bad name.
I feel sorry for those children if you make them feel as unloved as you make it sound that they are. Why did you marry him? Do you even love him? You should have married someone with no children.
I’m a nurse so I know all about the travel thing. Do you plan to cut your husband off when you retire because he had four kids and was unable to save money?? You sound extremely selfish and cruel.
parsimonioussalad disagrees:
NTA. That was your financial agreement. You've only been married for a year, it's awfully fast for him to change his tune. I'd be cautious about this given how relatively new the relationship is.
If you had been married 10 years, I might wonder why you don't want to contribute to kids you're helping raise. But this seems like financial opportunism on his part.
prissypants1305 writes:
YTA- this arrangement is not going to work. You cannot marry someone with children if you do not want to be somewhat of a parent with them. You married into a package deal and are only wanting part of the package.
Marriage doesn’t work like that. I say that as a childfree person who had a hard rule that I would not date someone with kids.