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'AITA for staying with my parents until my husband cleans up after his family?'

'AITA for staying with my parents until my husband cleans up after his family?'


"AITA for staying with my parents and refusing to come home unless it is in the condition I left it whenever my in-laws visit?"

My husband cannot control his family. Or at least he refuses to. When his parents visit and give us s#$t for "forcing" our kids to do chores he gives in and the house slowly becomes a mess that I have been left to clean up. When his siblings visit we are expected to clean up after them. I never agreed to this so now I leave.

I lock my office up and go to my parents' house. I meet up with his family at restaurants or other public places. His parents have learned now that when they visit they have to clean up after the kids or get them or my husband to do it. They tried saying that I was ab*sive for refusing to do housework while they visited. So I posted a picture of my home before they came and one I took during their last visit.

I asked them why the house was so messy and dirty and did they have anything to do with it. They said it wasn't their mess. I replied that the house was clean before they showed up. Once they started getting dogpiled for messing up my house they threw the kids under the bus. They said my kids were uncontrollable and it was their mess.

I pointed out that there was no mess until they came so obviously my kids were able to clean up after themselves when there weren't people telling them not to. My husband's siblings have cancelled plans to visit because they know I won't be there to clean up after them or cook so they will have to cook or spend money on takeout and restaurants. Great outcome in my opinion.

My husband says that I'm being unfair putting all the work of cleaning up on him. I said he has two children to help him as well as ADULT guests who should be able to not make a mess. I also told him he could just pay a cleaning service out of his discretionary funds if he wanted to let his family run rampant and not clean up after them.

He said that I was being mean by not contributing and making him spend his money. I asked how much he normally spends on cleaning the house. The answer is nothing since the four of us keep the house clean and tidy when we are on our own.

The internet had a lot of thoughts.

FragrantEconomist386 wrote:

NTA. Actually, your way of handling this is brilliant. The rules should clearly be that all adults pick up after themselves as a matter of course. They are human, not monkeys at a zoo. All children are in training to learn how to pick up after themselves, and of course, the training doesn't stop just because the grandparents or the cousins come to visit.

It is to do with a certain grade of civilization. Non-civilized people may not want to pick up after themselves, but other people may choose not to associate with them on any level.

StacyB125 wrote:

NTA! I love your solution. It’s absolutely perfect. You have just removed yourself from the equation. Now, whenever any of those people whine, it’s easy to shrug and say, “It’s not my mess. It’s not my family. I’m not even there.” It’s so beautifully spiteful without even behaving in a spiteful manner. It’s just, “See y’all later! Have an amazing time during your visit!” as you bounce yourself right out of the door!

C_Majuscula wrote:

NTA. Your current solution is just fine. If his family never shows up on your doorstep again to mess up your house and eat your food - well, that sounds like a win to me.

nothisTrophyWife wrote:

Inside I’m dying! You’re mean and ab*sive and manipulative for not cleaning up after the super duper in-laws?! NTA.

ConfusedAt63 wrote:

You are my new hero! I would have handled it the exact same way! Enjoy the peace!

OP is clearly NTA here, she figured out a brilliant solution.

Sources: Reddit
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