Woman 'makes' husband miss his daughter's prom; says 'he created this mess.' Updated 3x!
'AITA for my husband missing his daughters prom?'
I 36 female have been married to my husband Josh 40 for 10 years. We have a 9 year old daughter Lauren together and my stepdaughter Riley is 18. About a year ago I booked a vacation with my girlfriends for one of their bachelorette parties. It’s this weekend in Tennessee. We leave Thursday and come back Monday.
This weekend Lauren has a cheerleading competition that Josh is taking her to. Lauren is required to have a guardian there the whole time and she needs to arrive early Friday and leaving Sunday. We did ask the cheer director if a friend's mom could bring her, and my husband could meet her there after, but they said no. And if she’s not there for the check-in time she can’t compete that weekend.
Riley’s prom is Friday. Riley did not have a junior prom and her school only has senior prom. We found out the date of prom after school started and the trip had already been booked and paid for. My husband is now going to be missing Riley’s prom to take Lauren to her competition.
Riley thinks this is extremely unfair and that we’re playing favorites since she’ll never get this chance again and she wants pictures with her dad and sister. She’s been messaging my husband about it. Lauren doesn’t want to miss her competition and risk her spot on her team.
My husband asked if I’d cancel my trip and I told him no. The trip has been booked, paid for, and I also need a break. He takes breaks and trips as well. My husband and I are now fighting because he feels like no matter what he does he’s stuck. He’s already told Lauren he’ll be taking her to the cheer comp which means he’ll be missing prom. So AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Bacin87 writes:
Smart money says there's more to the story and stepmom has a history of making sure her daughter is favored over the older daughter and this is just one of a series of slights. I also highly question that another parent can't go to the competition.
Fair is fair keep the same energy and the mom can't be in any formal pictures for her daughter when she's in high school. I bet magically mom's going to think it's important then
Extension-Marzipan86 OP responded:
I will absolutely be in my daughter's prom pictures the same way her mother was. I don’t know what you mean by all this.
kirstarie-11 asks:
Are you expecting your husband to be there for your youngest when he wasn’t there for his oldest when it comes to prom pictures?
Extension-Marzipan86 OP responded:
He says he’s going to be there. That will be his decision when the time comes.
nephelite writes:
Choosing to go get drunk instead of meaningful moments in your childrens' lives? Yeah, YTA.
Extension-Marzipan86 OP responded:
Thank you.
Update 1:
I have decided to stand my ground that I will not be cancelling my trip. I will be getting on the plane in the morning.
Josh just sat down me, Riley, and Lauren to talk about the weekend. He explained he’ll be taking Lauren to her competition while Riley’s mother takes pictures with her at prom. He said he taught the girls about commitment and he’s not going to have Lauren’s absence have the team forfeit.
He told her we could do pictures if she wanted to put her dress on a second time but she said it won’t be the same and she’s upset. Riley is upset with her father and thinks he’s favoring Lauren.
Comments After Update 1:
Present-Historian618 writes:
Cancel your trip go with the cheer leading daughter and your husband with his daughter . You can book a trip anytime . You are being selfish.
Extension-Marzipan86 OP responded:
I had considered canceling for a moment then realized this mess wasn’t created by me and he’s also a parent and I shouldn’t always have to fix everything. So I will be going on my trip and he can fix the mess he created.
He created this mess when he agreed to this cheer competition and then realized there was a conflict and refused to be proactive to fix it when I told him he needed to fix the problem because I wouldn’t be here.
Gaius_Octavius_ asks:
So your solution would have been to just tell your daughter 'No'?
Extension-Marzipan86 OP responded:
That was my solution. to not agree to a cheer competition when your other daughter has prom.
Gaius_Octavius_ writes:
Wow…. So just 'Tough luck Lauren. Mommy called dibs on that weekend first.'
Extension-Marzipan86 OP responded:
Mommy can’t be in two places at once. Daddy is in charge this weekend and has known that for a year. a part of that is not double booking yourself.
AD2105 asks:
Does Riley have a step dad?
Extension-Marzipan86 OP responded:
No
Update 2:
My husband just called me and he decided to leave with Lauren to the cheer competitions after breakfast so that they could have lunch and relax before meeting up with her team. They are officially safe at the hotel for the competition. Thank you for all the support we’ve received and even for the negative comments.
Comments after Update 2:
kalirella_loreon writes:
Controversial but what if mom delays the trip by just 1 day. Mom goes with daughter on Friday, dad does Prom with older daughter.... Dad drives to younger daughter and mom drives to airport? Extra costs and some snags for the parents, but both kids have what they need?
Extension-Marzipan86 OP responded:
I’ve already left for the weekend.
Whambrain69 writes:
You're garbage if you don't cancel the trip. If I was the prompt daughter, I'd be done with both you. You'd get a lifetime 'break.'
Extension-Marzipan86 OP responded:
I’m already at the airport
Update 3:
Riley had Senior Prom last weekend and looked beautiful. She took pictures with her mom and friends. We did offer to do pictures again with her this weekend but she’s chosen not to. She said it won’t be the same and we’re respecting her feelings about that. Thank you to everyone for that suggestion though.
Lauren’s team placed at the cheerleading competition so they will be getting ready for the next competition.
Here's what people had to say after the final update:
Intrepid_Potential60 writes:
YTA. Prom never comes back.
BrewertonFats writes:
Nah. Whomever is organizing the cheerleader competition is the asshole. There is no reason they should restrict another member of the family from bringing her, or simply allowing her to go with another parent and a permission slip.
onionsmcgee writes:
NTA. It’s just bad timing. You didn’t know this would happen when you booked the trip and it was out of your control. I feel bad for your husband and your daughters but I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect you to lose money and time with your friends that you planned a year in advance.
Slytherin125 writes:
YTA your daughter is 9 missing one cheerleading competition at her age will not make a difference he needs to be there for his daughters prom that's a big deal for a teenager.
sugarxb0nes writes:
ESH - You’re too selfish to support your daughter, and your husband is prioritizing his bio child’s hobby over a once in a lifetime moment in his step-daughters life. You suck way worse than your husband though - reschedule the trip!