When a woman found herself completely supporting her wife financially and around the house, she was upfront about her feelings. Then her wife revealed her secret but lifelong dream and it was... shocking. This lead to a huge dispute where friends became involved, and eventually, this woman had to come to Reddit's Am I the As*hole forum to ask:
My wife (f25) and I (f25) have gotten married at the end of 2019 and she quit her job in January 2020. Then sh*t happened so I wasn’t pressuring her to go back to work. But it’s been over 2 years now and I’ve talked to her a few times and she promised to look for a job.
Just to be clear, she’s not depressed. She doesn’t help with chores unless we argue about this, so after working 40-50, all chores are on me. We don’t have kids nor pets. She spends her day chatting with friends, watching reality tv, etc.
We had a massive argument the other night and she finally confessed that it was her dream to get married and not have to work and that I am a massive as*hole for not being supportive.
I was furious. I’m not proud of it but I was shouting, telling her that she’s never told me that, that it’s something we should’ve discussed before getting married and she never said she planned on quitting her job.
We are getting by financially but just getting by. If she had even a part time job, we would be much more comfortable and I wouldn’t have to take on so much but she dismissed that as well.
She told her friends about this and they all ganged up on me, calling me an asshole and all sorts of names. I’m at a loss here, am I really the as*hole for not supporting her and telling her I didn’t care about her dreams?
The great thing about Reddit is that they are ALWAYS happy to judge and / or give advice to strangers. Here were their top comments (see if you can spot a common theme!):
NTA (not the as*hole). “I want to sit around and do nothing all day while you do all the work instead” is not a dream, it’s childish and it’s incredibly selfish. You are not required to be “supportive” of her desire to foist all the responsibilities on you. - yourlittlebirdie
Her dream is to be taken care of which honestly, if that was her dream she should have disclosed that immediately. Are there women who will take care of their wife? Yea for sure but usually those women are in a different tax bracket. And they KNOW what they’re getting into.
This is a bait and switch, and from one woman to another it’s a stupid one haha. World is very cold when someone you were living off of decides they’re done. You’ve spent 2yrs earning nothing, good luck... - mongoosedog12
I would love to be a lady of leisure. My husband would love to be a man of leisure. I don't see this as being lazy - I see this as being aspirational. I do however think that OP's wife is lazy . If you are not independently wealthy, this is just not practical and by expecting OP to support her and not wanting to contribute to the household, either in the form of labor (i.e. housework, cooking, etc) or financially, she is definitely a leech. NTA (not the as*hole). - gnomeo77
Those friends sound like a piece of work, too - they’ll keep bolstering this notion that your wife should be living this adolescent “dream” and make you out as some kind of monster for expecting your wife to act like a grown adult. Run. NTA. - SightMiner333
NTA. I don't know where to even begin to describe why your wife is the AH. How dare you not support her dream to be a freeloader??? - IHateDarlaSherman
NTA. This is shocking... You don't deserve to be ganged up on for something like this. She should have communicated this before marriage so that you'd at least know you'd have a leech in your house (that you love, of course). - chlowiner
And if you're a stay-at-home spouse with no pets or kids to care for, congrats! That is also my dream.