Woman called 'bitter for refusing to forgive ex so he can be happy with mistress. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to forgive my ex so his mistress can 'have' him?"
I don’t know how to start this. It’s very complicated and intertwined and I’m very bad at putting my feelings into words and even if I did I don’t want to make this too long for you guys. So I will try to compress it to a few paragraphs and I will answer any questions for additional details that you deem necessary.
My husband and I had some marital issues after the birth of our second baby. There was no lack of love or affection (at least that’s what he told me). We still loved each other and we were basically in a rough place.
During that time my husband met a woman at work and I guess he developed some form of feelings for her, and her for him. He came to me one day and said that he loved me so much, but that he wanted a break for a few months because we needed to work on our issues separately.
I was heartbroken, but I agreed thinking we were going to work on out marriage, not that he was going to date. Not a week later I heard he was sleeping with this other woman. I filed for divorce and haven’t seen him since.
This was all 3 years ago. Our divorce was finalized 2 years ago. He has tried throughout the years to get in contact with me but I refuse to even open his emails because I miss him and I know what he would be saying. Empty sorries and apologies. For me he cheated, even if not everyone agrees because “we were on a break”.
This woman, who is now his "GF" contacted me asking me to forgive him because according to her he is refusing to make their relationship official. According to her, they love each other but he is refusing to propose or start a family with her because he feels guilty about what he did to me. He tells her they don't deserve happiness and she thinks it’s all my fault.
I just wrote please don’t contact me again and blocked her on fb. She used alternative account and wrote that I’m bitter and vindictive. AITA for refusing to ………….? Help my ex’s mistress playing family with him? How is that even on me?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Former_Fish says:
Love your karma revenge
Resident-Cry-9828 OP responded:
It doesn’t feel like karma, or revenge. I miss him every day
lane_of_london asks:
When he tried to contact you, what did he want to do? Just apologise or did he want to try to make it work?
Resident-Cry-9828 OP responded:
Make it work
Right_Bee_9809 writes:
I think your ex-husband has zero interest in marrying this woman and is using this whole forgiveness thing as a way out. I wonder what would happen if you said "sure I forgive him." One thing I don't understand is his relationship with the children you had together with him. Does he not see them at all?
Resident-Cry-9828 OP responded:
I dropp them at day care on Friday every third week and he has them for a week. Then he drops them the Friday after and I pick them. On many occasions I have help from my family.
We have a conversation about the children on text and I don’t answer anything if it’s not about the children. He can also communicate with my mom. He has stopped texting about anything else but the children now for the last year or so.
PeggyOnThePier writes:
Op sorry that you have to put up with this idiot. They planned this whole thing together. The taken a break from the marriage is on both of them. A emotional affair hurts so much!Even worse after you have had a baby.
They might have had [slept together] ,before he came to you and wanted the break. Either way he is a terrible husband. I also agree that he doesn't want to marry her. If he did he could have done it by now. Good luck
omxcyber writes:
OP I was in almost your exact shoes except my ex has zero relationship with my kids because he alienated himself by going missing and then acting like a raging lunatic in court. My ex cheated with over six women that I knew about. He even cheated on his mistress (a contractor he met at work) with these women.
He kicked out our one year old and myself when I was around 7 months pregnant with our second. I was homeless and sleeping on my parents couch for a while until I found a home. My ex refused to give me my belongings back and any of our kids stuff. It was a nightmare.
Anyway, you do NOT owe him or his mistress anything. His own guilt is his problem. Not yours. If he cannot get over it, tough.
I don’t think I’ll ever forget what my ex did to our kids and I. But the difference is is my ex doesn’t care if I do. And I don’t let my inability to forget effect my obligations. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive either but over 6.5 years the pain and anger has definitely dissipated especially through loads of therapy.
You will never be the ahole in this situation. Ever. Full stop. His mistress and him are delusional if they think they are owed anything from you including forgiveness. I’m sending you so many hugs and good vibes. I cannot imagine the pain and grief that this is bringing up for you. <3
Resident-Cry-9828 OP responded:
I'm so sorry and I hope you and you babies are fine now.
momxcyber replied:
We are great! Still have drama here and there but therapy helps a ton to deal with my ex and the drama he brings.