Woman refuses to wear 'traditional clothing' to meet husband's parents; she's not let in.
'AITA FOR REFUSING TO WEAR A SKIRT?'
This happened in December however it still seems to be an issue in my marriage.
My (25f) husband (28m) is from South Africa (he is black and I'm white) and we live in the US. We met in 2019 and got married at the beginning of 2021. Because of world events, I have never met his family.
We flew down to South Africa a few days for his brother's traditional ceremony. This was my first time in the country. Before arriving in the county, my SIL asked for my size and input on dresses and skirts that I was supposed to wear to meet the family. I didn't think much of everything but I gave her my size.
When we at her house, she brought out the clothes. She said while in her home, I don't have to follow traditional dress code but I need to remember that when I go to my IL and their family home, I would need to. My husband had mentioned this before but he also told me to speak to his sister as she knows more about dressing as a married woman than he does.
Anyway fast forward to the day of the events. I arrived at my in laws. I was alone because my husband needed to be there before me and I also didn't want to go early with him. Before I even stepped into the yard, my SIL came out and saw that I was wearing a romper.
She then asked me where the clothes she gave me were but I told her that I was getting too hot and I didn't want to wear so much clothing (the clothing consisted of a skirt, a white shirt, a black scarf for my head, another scarf to tie around my waist and a blanket to put around my shoulders).
She was pissed. She said she understood that it was hot but that I still needed to wear the clothes. I pointed out that she was also married but she wasn't wearing the same outfit.
She said since she was in her family home, she could wear whatever but she was still following customs as her head was covered and she was wearing a skirt. She also said that because her husband is white, she is not expected to wear the same bridal outfit.
I was pretty annoyed because I don't understand why they feel the need to control what I wear. I called my husband and he was shocked that I wasn't dressed as I was supposed to. My SIL offered to get me something to wear but I refused.
I said that it was my body and as such, I could wear whatever I wanted. I called her a misogynist. They told me that I couldn't enter the yard because not only was I not wearing a skirt, my head wasn't covered and my romper was short.
I ended up leaving and spending two days alone at the B&B we booked. My husband has barely spoken to me because he is so angry and disappointed.
I spoke to my sister and my mother and they are on my side and they said that this country is very patriarchal where woman have little rights so they are proud of me for standing up for myself. However, my husband says that I embarrassed him and his family and he can't believe that I was so prideful after he shared how things were.
So I just wanted to ask, AITA for refusing to wear the clothes?
Info from OP:
It wasn't a wedding I was attending. It was a traditional coming of age ceremony for his brother. Apparently it's a very big deal in their culture. I was expected to wear traditional bridal clothing, similar to this because we are newly married and I had never met his family yet.
Here's what people had to say:
Yeah-ok-whatevs writes:
YTA You were a guest in another country for a traditional event. Point blank. That means you follow the customs for the country. Not only that, you said your husband had talked to you about these customs.
If you were not going to be ok wearing a traditional outfit from your spouses country for a wedding, you shouldn’t have agreed to go. This is disrespectful to the culture you are visiting and your new family.
Appropriate_Pie_1044 writes:
Seriously this. Coming from an American (first generation, parents were refugees from East Africa), this is the type of behavior that gives most of the world ammunition against us (among many other things, obviously).
ResidentLadder writes:
American woman here. I couldn’t imagine choosing to go to another country and refusing to respectfully follow traditions in my new family’s home. (I mean, barring anything harmful, of course, in which case I would decline the trip in the first place.)
Damn, I don’t even want to travel without at least learning some of the language!
TishMiAmor writes:
I’m mad that she had the opportunity to have a welcoming family from a different culture show her how to dress in their traditional way and help her with it, and said “Nah I’m gonna wear American Apparel.” That’s a unique experience that’s worth getting a little sweaty, even if you set aside the other issues.
prairiemountainzen writes:
I understand your point of view, but at the same time, you were a guest in their country and in their home, so adhering to their cultural customs would have been the gracious thing to do, especially since your SIL went out of her way to prepare and help you.
For the brief time you were there, I think you could have just gone along with everything so you could actually meet your husband's family. I have to say YTA, because you traveled such a long way and this was so important to your husband, but instead of doing this one thing for him, you ditched out on all of them and spent your time there alone in your B&B. That's a bit much.
ripsprinkles writes:
She married someone from a completely different culture yet seems to have no desire to learn and respect it. How they didn't have these conversations before they got married I'll never understand, though I know people marry impulsively far too often.
YTA. Also of course OPs family is going to agree with her because they are apart of her culture and are clearly the reason she is acting so dense.