In a long-term relationship, petty arguments usually point toward a more complex dynamic. A disagreement about dishes is never truly about the dishes, an argument about TV shows is less about TV and more about feeling heard. It doesn't take a psychology degree to figure that out, but that doesn't mean it's always easy to figure out what a couple's quarrel is actually about.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for not giving her husband food from the blender after he made a fuss about it. She wrote:
I bought myself a nice blender, I work part-time at home, and also watch the young kids that are too young for preschool. Due to me staying home, I cook a lot, which I enjoy so it’s not a big deal. Now the issue is that he was pissed how much the blender was it, 125 dollars. This annoyed me greatly since I used my fun money for it and it is a household tool even if he won’t use it.
I thought we were over it but I pulled it out again to make a smoothie and he made more comments about a waste of money and stupid buy. I had the conversation with him about the whole situation again, he made more comments next time I took it out and I had enough. Now every time I make something using a blender I don’t give him any. It came to a head today I made a soup and I used the blender.
I told him I used the stupid blender to make it so he can’t have any and make his own food. This caused a huge argument and he thinks I am a petty jerk but I have told him so many time to not call my purchases a waste. AITA for taking it so far?
NTA! $125 is not a lot for a blender. Especially if you’re actually using it and bought it with your fun money. I’m not well off and I bought my blender on sale for $300!
amberallday had a few questions:
Edit: NTA based on the replies below. Sounds like he’s jealous you can save your fun money & he cannot.
I N F O: why is he being so mean about this particular purchase? Is it unusual - is he normally kind & supportive, or does he often criticise your choices, when they don’t line up with his? If it’s a one-off, then each time he mentions it, I’d respond with “why do you have a problem with how I spent my fun money?” Literally just that. I would just keep replying with that question until he answers it or goes away & stops talking.
It’s worth getting to the bottom of though - what is his problem with how you use your fun money? Is there something else you had to get paid from shared funds - that should have come from your fun money but you’d run out? Is the kitchen already really full of gadgets that don’t get much use, so it now feels extra cluttered?
And OP answered:
He always gets annoyed with things he thinks are useless. I don’t know why he hates the blender so much but I am so over it. Really I think it comes down to the money of it. I save my fun money and buy nice things. He likes to spend it right away. I don’t remember the last time he bought something that was 100 dollars or more. Which is stupid since we get around 200 fun money a week.
So me buying a 125 dollar blender he thinks is useless makes him pissed. It took him three months he to save 70 dollars for a game. He just spends all the fun money the moment he sees it.
NTA since when are your fun money purchases up for criticism? Being petty isn't the way, I think, but he does need to stop. You can make soups and smoothies in a cheap blender that would be exactly the same to him, so you aren't proving anything.
This is why you have your own money, keep reminding him it didn't come out of the joint fund. Ignore his comments about the blender, it was expensive but you love it so who cares if he calls it a waste. If the subject dies don't bring it up again, because I can understand the E S H judgments here but still think you had the right to be petty for a short time.
"I have this problem I continuously talked about with my husband and my husband did behave like a jerk and still very much behaves like a jerk continuously. Now I stopped doing something for him that wasn't entirely my chore to begin with and hope he stops"
Whaaatt?!?! You dared to react?!?!? You need to let it go! You need to do more for him, so he sees how great you are. You are petty for not letting him be an ahole to you until he decides to stop! Lol. Are you alright?
NTA. If he is going to be an AHole about the blender, then he doesnt have to reap any of the 'rewards' of said blender. You have saved him from that blasted, stupid blender!! He should be thanking you lol.
UPDATE: This post made me start really thinking about my marriage. I am asking for couples counseling and if things don’t change I will be done.
Clearly, OP is NTA, although the initial optics lean toward ESH.