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Woman asks if she was wrong to turn off husband's alarm and lie about it.

Woman asks if she was wrong to turn off husband's alarm and lie about it.


Me (31) and my husband (35) both work from home. His start time is 8:30, and the work he does essentially timestamps when he starts. He also has a micromanaging boss. My start time is 8 am, and the work I do is very independent and at my own pace. My boss could care less to track my every move so long as my deadlines are met.

My husband sets his alarm at 7 am every day, even though he admits he doesn’t want to be up until 8:15 at the earliest. He never wakes up to the alarm, but the rest of us hear it, so my toddler and I usually wake up about 45 mins earlier than we need to as a result.

I’ve asked him to stop setting it so early, but he said he needs the whole hour of snoozing to wake up. So he’s been on the couch sometimes lately, but I still wake up to it from there.

I am currently 6 months pregnant so this morning I was exhausted and didn’t want our toddler waking up earlier than needed and wanted the extra sleep myself, so I turned it off. But it was too late, our toddler already woke up to it. So I got up and then got busy with our toddler.

Our toddler went to daycare around 8:15 (my parents pick up). At 8:27 I realized the time so I went to wake my husband up and told him “I must’ve accidentally hit ‘off’ instead of ‘snooze’ on your alarm when I was tired, but it was almost 8:30.

I went about my business working. I took a break and came downstairs to find him asleep at 9:47 am and I jolted him and said “You’re still asleep? It’s almost 10” and he said “no effin way!” And ran to his laptop. He told me to stop turning his alarm off, and basically don’t touch it unless I hit snooze.

Thing is, he goes to sleep almost every night around 2 am so he’s not gonna wake up to a 7 am alarm 9/10 times. Instead, I always wake up to it and have the task of hitting snooze every 15 mins anyway. Yes I technically lied to today him about his alarm, but I am literally tired of this…and I did make sure to wake him up on time. Or so I thought. AITA?


LostPhilosophy2989 says:

I might be an outlier here, but I think you may be the AH a little bit. Not everyone can go from 0 to 100 for waking. He's currently depending on that alarm. For a job that doesn't trust him. You seem to have more freedom than him.

You don't need to wake him. But you can at least not try to get him fired by messing with his alarm. Personally, if you take away his method for waking up, and do nothing when his responsibilities do not get met, you share the blame.

Pregnancy is not a very good excuse if he gets canned. If he truly can help it, has he tried taking a sedative at night, and stimulants in the morning?


NAH. I know this might be unpopular but I am commenting as someone who also struggles to wake up and sleeps late.

1 - your husband might have a sleep disorder. So while I know lots of people here are calling him spoiled, it’s not always that simple.

2 - you need to completely and totally get out of his sleep/waking up schedule. It’s going to set your marriage on an awful path.

It is ridiculous that his alarm should wake up you and the baby. He needs to compromise on that point and you need to remove yourself from his sleep equation completely. Remember this is his struggle and it’ll be hard for you to be a supportive partner but getting involved is only setting yourself up for failure and hence resentments and fights.

I know this isn’t the easiest thing but trust me, it’ll be easier than the path you two are on at present.

Ambitious_Thing_440 OP responded:

I have suggested he go to bed earlier. He says his body never adjusted back from when he worked a night shift 10 years ago. I also suggested years ago that he go to the doctor about his sleep issues (he also talks in his sleep) and he rejected that idea.

Sergeant_Metalhead says:

Let me guess he stays up playing vidoe games

Ambitious_Thing_440 OP responded:

Virtual Reality (VR) but yes, video games. Or sometimes watching TV

annrkea says:

Stop waking him up. Stop waking him up this minute. This is not your job. There are 50 different devices he could use to wake himself up.

EvilFinch says:

If he needs one hour of snooze alarms, why not vibrate alarms? They wouldn't wake the whole house up.

CrackaAssCracka says:

NTA, but I feel like this problem could be easily solved with a common garden hose

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