Woman uses chopstick wrong, SIL calls her out, she snaps back 'I'll eat how I want.'
Hell is other people, but true hell is your in-laws who don't respect you. Particularly, if they don't respect you for your culture or skin color - something fully out of your control.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for snapping at her SIL after getting criticized for the way she eats. She wrote:
"AITA for telling my SIL to butt off and let me eat food the way I want?"
I (36F) am a white girl married into a Japanese family. My husband's family has never really accepted me because I am white but they're not that bad most of the time. Usually, they are just cold but my SIL is very hostile especially when it comes to food.
I don't like Sushi and my SIL always tried to get me to eat it and has yelled at me for things like using too much soy sauce, eating my dumpling whole and not dipping it in sauce first, mixing wasabi with my soy sauce, drinking sake with rice, etc. Recently we went out for dinner with them for my birthday.
I am okay with chopsticks but I still struggle with them sometimes, I was trying to pick up a piece of meat and I just used one of the chopsticks to stab the meat and eat it. SIL immediately started yelling at me saying I was disrespectful. I told her I would eat my food however I liked and to please mind her own business.
She always does this and I have had enough, people can eat however they like. I am sick of her picking at my food habits. She said I was being disrespectful to her culture, I told her how I chose to eat food is my choice and to mind her own business. Things got ugly and I left. My husband stayed with them.
I have been married to him for 5 years and dating for 7, I have learned his language and speak Japanese with his family. His family has had none of that same respect for me, to this day none of his family has ever tried Egyptian food or tried to learn the language, I have been expected to learn it even though they speak perfect English. We live in Europe yet I am always expected to conform to his culture. AITA?
Edit: Every time I ask for a fork his family gets very offended so I can't ask for one. 99% of the time I do okay with chopsticks, this piece was just tiny and slippery. I used the bottom chopstick to just poke it a little for extra grip then used the other one.
People had a lot to say.
Wide-Heron-1015 wrote:
NTA. Hun, I would seriously consider if this relationship is worth a lifetime of this BS. Him staying with his family after you left is very concerning.
Moose-Live wrote:
NTA.
Your husband's behaviour is a huge issue - the main problem here. His sister bullies you because he allows it. His refusal to shut this down is a pretty clear signal to her that she can treat you any way she wants to, so she does.
"My husband stayed with them."
This is the only mention of him in this whole post. Have you discussed his family's hostility with him? Have you asked him whether he thinks you disrespect them and their culture? Sit down with him when you are feeling calm, and tell him how you feel, and ask him how he feels.
Ideally, you should be able to just tell him to grow up and behave like a decent husband, but IRL that's not usually very successful. I'm really sorry this is happening to you. One of my partner's siblings absolutely hated me for years. It was really horrible. The difference is that my partner did not take their sibling's side and never condoned their behaviour.
mfruitfly wrote:
NTA. You need to speak with your husband. SIL- and the rest of the family it seems- treat you very poorly and he is allowing that to happen. Every person has food preferences- there are Japanese people that don't like sushi, or mix their soy and wasabi, just as there English people that don't like Shepherds pie.
If I were you, I would refuse to eat with his family going forward and save yourself the headache of dealing with these people. Let your husband know he can deal with his own family, and until he demonstrates an ability to defend you- and learn some of your own customs- you will be celebrating holidays and other events separately.
FutureOk6751 wrote:
NTA. But you have a husband problem if he lets them attack you every time you see them. I think you may need to really think if this is how you want this for the rest of your life to be. If you really want to be with someone who will never stand up for you and let his family belittle you every chance they seem to get?
Inner-Nothing7779 wrote:
NTA. I am a FIRM believer that when you move to another country, you adopt THAT country's language, laws, customs, and culture. You are allowed to keep yours, and practice them at home and with family and share that with others. But from what you've written, you're being forced to follow their customs and culture, while they get to completely ignore yours. That's not fair to you.
The fact that all of this goes on while your husband sits idly by and lets it happen is pretty telling as well. Quite honestly you two need marriage counseling. He needs to either stand up for you, or you need to start doing some hard thinking.
It's clear OP is NTA, but she might want to rethink whether her relationship is really worth it.