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'AITA for not telling my brother my SIL’s words after a small surgery?' UPDATED

Sep 19, 2024 | 12:35 P.M. ET

"AITA for not telling my brother my SIL’s words after a small surgery?"

I (24F) have a brother Cole (28M). He has a wife Pam (31F) and a best friend Rick (28M) since kindergarten. As long as I can remember Rick’s always been around and my family’s joked that he and Cole are platonic soulmates. He’s invited to every family gathering, every holiday and sometimes just stays over without Cole there.

Our family has welcomed SIL into the family (+ Rick) but she’s a bit socially awkward and doesn’t really fit in with our family. The only person she really gets along with is our mom and that’s because she gets along with older ladies since she’s practically one. She’s a vanilla wife basically. Rick’s going through chemotherapy.

Cole has been by his side the entire time. I don’t think that SIL hated the idea but it’s hard to know what she thinks. The place where Rick gets chemo is about an hour away from Cole and SIL’s place. When Cole was at the hospital with Rick he got news that SIL had a minor car accident and asked me to check on her since I live close to the ER she was taken while he got ready to leave.

I got there and SIL was recovering from the small surgery and anesthesia. She only had a few staples in her scalp and a broken arm. The doctors said she was very lucky to be so unharmed. SIL saw me and waved me over. She said “Tell your bro I wanna be loved. I want a divorce.” and stuff about getting a gold medal in her own life.

I didn’t really think a lot about it since it was obvious she was still feeling the anesthesia. I called my bro and told him that SIL was fine and it was a minor surgery and the doctors said she was lucky. He was relieved and came to the hospital an hour or so later. I thought everything was fine until Cole called me the day after screaming his head off that SIL wanted to separate and I hadn’t told him.

Then my mom called and said SIL’s side of the family was telling our side of the family that they were separating. She bit my head off for not telling anybody what SIL said. She also yelled at my brother for being with Rick instead of SIL even though she was there too. Either of them could have gone.

I still think there was no point of telling them since it was clear SIL was still feeling the anesthesia. AITA?

People had a lot of thoughts and questions.

Tesstarosa13 wrote:

NTA. She wasn't feeling anesthesia, she wasn't feeling loved. JFC, your brother couldn't leave his lover to be with his wife. And it wasn't some minor accident if SHE WAS LUCKY IT WASN'T WORSE! Your whole family sucks for how you treat her--vanilla is better than you. (Your brother needs to grow a pair, not a beard.)

the_owl_syndicate wrote:

“Tell your bro I wanna be loved. I want a divorce.” and stuff about getting a gold medal in her own life.

INFO: Why can't you accept that your brother sucks as a spouse and despite the fact that you dislike your SIL, she does indeed deserve to come first with her husband? Enough with the excuses, his bestie's chemo and friends' mental health crises, what next, there was kitten in a tree?

From your SIL's POV - which means more than yours when it comes to their marriage and your brother's performance as a husband - her husband isn't worth remaining married to since his 'caring nature' is spent on everyone else before her. We all deserve to come first with our SOs. Tbf, NTA for not saying anything, that's a mess you should stay out of, and I mean way out of it.

Damnuglypoet wrote:

I'm sorry, if you have staples in your head AND a broken arm, it isn't minor. It's minor compared to dying maybe, but so is everything that you survive. YTA and so is your brother. You for calling her an old lady already and for thinking her experience isn't a big deal.

Your brother for putting everyone before his own wife. Also, for all you know she has in fact brought this issue up with your brother already and it just hasn't been mentioned to you. You don't know everything going on in their relationship. Obviously.

swoopingturtle wrote:

YTA. A whole family of a$$$oles. This poor woman

I’d demand a divorce too

After receiving a good deal of feedback, OP jumped on with an update.

Edit: I don’t know the details but it basically boiled down to Cole putting his family + friends before her every time. Honestly I’m not sure what she’s talking about since Cole has always been a thoughtful, generous guy and she said that’s why she fell in love with him. I think it’s so sad that something that your partner loves you for is now why they hate you. She never even brought up these issues either.

Cole’s devastated and begged her to not leave him. The reason Cole was late was because Rick wasn’t done with chemo and another friend was going thru a severe mental health thing so my bro had to calm her down and he couldn’t do that in the car.

So he was delayed getting to the hospital. It’s sad but like a triage SIL wasn’t where Cole was needed the most at the time because her injuries were pretty minor.

Sources: Reddit