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Woman doesn't warn husband sister is close with her ex, he meets him, storms off. AITA?

Woman doesn't warn husband sister is close with her ex, he meets him, storms off. AITA?


There's nothing quite like being embarrassed in front of the whole family.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for ignoring her husband after he embarrassed her in front of the whole family. She wrote:

"AITA for ignoring my husband after he embarrassed me in front of my entire family?"

I, 26F, have been married to my husband, 28M for 2 years. We have been together for 4 years in total. I love my husband more than I can even express in words and our relationship never really had any major dips until last weekend. In high school, I dated a guy, who we'll call Dan. Just to be clear, this is not my husband. I cannot remember exactly how long the relationship lasted, but it was no more than a year.

We did a lot during the time we were together, a lot of our first experiences with some things were together. Things did not work out in the end as we both wanted different things in life so we ended the relationship and moved on from each other. My sister, 29F, ended up befriending Dan in college and they have gotten very close.

Since it's been so long since our relationship ended, I really do not care, neither does Dan. He is very close with my family because he gets invited to so many of the family gatherings. Last weekend it was my mother's birthday and there was a party thrown for her, which my entire family attended, along with family friends. Of course, my sister invited Dan.

My husband and I usually do not attend birthday parties, but I insisted that we go to this one seeing as it was for my own mother. My husband agreed. My husband works a very demanding job so he is normally unable to attend family gatherings, and so he's never met Dan, nor have I told him about my history with him. At the party, Dan was introduced to my husband as my ex.

It was my sister who introduced them while I was in the kitchen speaking to family. When I came back, my husband seemed a little off and when I asked him what was wrong he just brushed it off and wouldn't answer me. During the dinner, my husband seemed distant and so I asked him again if he was okay. He immediately stood up from his seat and seemed upset that I hadn't told him about Dan.

I tried to explain to him that I didn't feel the need to but he didn't listen. He completely lost it and started to call me names that he has never called me before and he even said he didn't know if he could trust me anymore. This was all in front of my entire family and family friends. I have been ignoring him since the party. He seems to feel very guilty and he keeps trying to apologise to me. AITA?

The internet had thoughts, naturally.

New-Link5725 wrote:

NTA. First, your sis didn't need to introduce him as your ex or even mention the past relationship. It's long gone and neither of you even care. She could have mentioned him as her friend or BF.

Secondly, his behavior was atrocious and should be discussed at length with a therapist. He's obviously feeling insecure and realized that yes you did have a whole life and relationships before him, and your life didn't just magically start when you met him.

Thirdly, you need to figure out if you can forgive him and move past this. Is this something that will happen again and again, or will this be a one-off for him. will the marriage recover or will it be too hard to look at him every day. His behavior was horrible and he really needs to speak to someone and find out why he reacted the way he did.

You didn't mention Dan for the simple reason that he's not an important part of your life, nor was the relationship noteworthy to mention. couples share exs, but not everyone does nor do they need to. Your husband may be feeling insecure but he's definitely realized you had a life before him. couples counseling could be great.

fallingintopolkadots wrote:

ESH. While your husband's reaction and name-calling was gross, it also seems strange that you never once mentioned Dan to him and how you two had known each other, that in the intervening years after your relationship, your sister had become very good friends with him.

Communication could have stopped this whole situation with him, and it will do better to communicate with him now instead of ignoring him.

Away_Refuse8493 wrote:

YTA (or at least, I get why your husband is mad) // Maybe ESH depending on what he said. If Dan is so close w/ your sister that he attends FAMILY events (like - this isn't your sister's birthday party, it's your mom's) then your husband should 100% know who he is if you dated for a year.

It would be different if you went on 3 dates and it fizzled. It would be different if he was some ex you had zero percent chance of ever bumping into. Your husband isn't reacting to the fact that you once upon a time had a boyfriend in high school. He is reacting to the fact that you never prepared him and thoroughly blindsided him, and the fact he has to learn this from sister/ex-boyfriend.

Why didn't you just tell him, at any time in the past 4 years, there was a strong likelihood of bumping into your high school bf at some point. (Similarly, how many events did husband NOT attend that Dan did...again, lying by omission!)

"He even said he didn't know if he could trust me anymore."

Yeah, b/c you lied to him for 4 years before he was blindsided at a family event.

"I have been ignoring him since the party. He seems to feel very guilty and he keeps trying to apologise to me."

First, you stonewall, then HE is apologizing. Why is he apologizing? For the words he used? You should be apologizing for the four years of lying. Look, I'm a fellow straight woman. This is something you tell your partner.

throwitaway3857 wrote:

ESH. He acted like a huge AH. Inappropriate to the max. But so did and are you. YOU should’ve warned him about Dan. That’s your damn husband! Show him some respect by informing him of s#$t like that! You legit let him walk in blind! How much more of a low asshole can you be?!! You are just as bad as him. YOU owe him an apology too. The fact that you don’t think you did anything wrong is disgusting.

Clearly, no one agrees on this, but one thing is for sure: OP needs to get better at communicating with her husband.

Sources: Reddit
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