Ideally, when you get married your in-laws will love you as much as your partner does. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. For whatever reason the family you marry into may judge you or hate you no matter what you do.
That's the situation Reddit user u/BlasianInvasions found herself in when she married her husband. His family thinks she's a gold-digging freeloader when in reality, she has more money than him! She finally had enough of their criticisms and showed them the receipts.
For starters, my husband no longer talks to his family, except for the few who were always nice to me. He grew up in a family that has generational wealth and only cares about prestige. 'Where did you go to school? What's your job title? How much do you make? How much is your home?' This is dinner conversation.
They hated me from the start because I 'do not have their breeding' - their actual words - and they were beyond rude to me.I grew up in a working-class family. My dad is a tradesman and my mom is a teacher. We grew up middle class and I had a happy childhood.
My husband resents his parents because they sent him off to boarding school and never paid him attention. When he met my family, they welcomed him immediately and treated him like a son. It was the attention he never had and he would do anything for my family.
At our wedding, his cousins made a scene about how 'poorly dressed' my family was, particularly my dad, and made them feel bad because they weren't wearing brand-name clothes.
My husband spent part of our wedding consoling MY family members about how rude HIS family was being. Our families had not interacted much before this but after, he decided, on his own, that he would never speak to some of his family again.
Here's the kicker. While my family is not rich, I am. I started my own software company and sold it for over $5 million in 2010. I took most of that and invested in technology stocks. My net worth is 8 figures whereas my husband has a trust in the 7 figures. We just don't flash fancy cars, an absurd home, or brand name everything.
The recent drama started with his uncle. His aunt stays in contact with us and she's one of the few who are genuinely nice, like showing up to help me after I had surgery. However, her husband is an open racist and was heard screaming in the background 'ask your nephew why he's still with that [slur] gold digger.' Opposites really do attract.
Let's be real. I know many in his family hate me because I'm not white but they definitely also hate me because they think I'm poor. His uncle made another comment about how I brainwashed my husband to buy our new apartment. Meanwhile, I purchased it and it's in my name.
I've heard it all before from them but something about how his uncle said it really pissed me off and I had enough. So I sent an email to several of his family members with our prenup showing the long list of assets under my name. This shut them up good. In fact, I've noticed some of his cousins acting a lot nicer lately.
This did not sit well with my family or my husband. My husband doesn't care that they know we have a prenup but he didn't want them to know how much I have. He is more worried that his family will try to leech off me now.
Very ironic. I don't regret my actions but my husband keeps saying I messed up. AITA?She added more info for clarity:
Wanted to clarify a few things since I just learned that I can add more text in an edit.
I sent the whole prenup doc but over half of it was redacted, including much of my husband's info and mine. I didn't even show them half of what I have and certainly not account numbers.
I have cut childhood 'friends' out of my life for trying to pull a fast one, so I'm not going to be tricked by his superficial family members who have already shown me their true colors.
My husband knew I was going to do this but has tried to talk me out of it for my benefit, as he says. I've been talking about this for years. Everyone in his family knew that we had a prenup; they just didn't know it was me that pushed for one.
For those looking for an episode 2, I'll keep you posted, but they've been fake nice lately and asking how I'm doing that day, etc. Previously, these people would open by saying things like 'have you checked your wallet today?' to my husband.
My personal belongings don't define me. For one, I still drive a Toyota Corolla 2010 - if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I care about life experiences and treating people with respect, kindness, and empathy. I believe that's what makes a classy person.
I feel the need to clarify that my husband and I have tried to tell his family that I'm doing fine for years. Of course, that's the first step we took, but they just didn't believe that a mixed Black woman could have wealth. They would flat out say, 'don't let her trick you.'
Also, as for why he still talks to his family. It's easy to say don't talk to them, but there are a handful that he is close with, who supported/raised him and hates how the rest of the family behaves as much as we do.
It's not fair for me to say cut them all off when he has bonded to some, and I also like that same handful as well. Unfortunately, this does give us the occasional exposure to the rest of his family.
This woman didn't need to prove her financial worth to her inlaws, but it's easy to see how after years and years of being judged and put down for being a 'golddigger' she wanted to shut them up once and for all.
I'm gonna say NTA, but your husband is right. You definitely messed up in your moment of anger. You let them get the better of you, and now you've shared your private business with huge AHs, and for what? Their approval? I feel like you made a mistake and should acknowledge that and try to learn from it.
NTA and I bet it felt soooo good but like, that's info that none of them really should have. That means going forward you won't know what to expect from them.
The only thing you know is that now they are likely to totally flip the script on how they treat you but only for shitty superficial reasons. In the long run its just going to hurt you more... sorry they suck so much.
NTA to them, but YTA to your husband. The prenup was between you and him. I personally don't feel it was right to share something so personal with his family without his consent. I could understand if he took their side or did nothing but it sounds like he supports you and defends you and your family in this regard. He respects you but this isn't you respecting him.
I mean, I would argue you're NTA because you have a right to defend your own honor from slander -- especially from people who sound...well...like absolute gems (and I mean that as sarcastically as I can) of society.
That being said, I can see where your husband is coming from in terms of what he means regarding messing up, but it's not like you did it to humiliate him or your family. So, yeah, NTA.
NTA - it really feels good to make people like your boyfriend's family see how ignorant they behaved, be careful though, if everyone starts acting nice and thoughtful now, they will be wanting a loan or something.
NTA. Please do NOT spend ANY money on those racist jerks. NONE. make sure your will designates where you want YOUR money to go - as in your family not your husband's. DO NOT provide vacation destinations or ANYTHING. omgosh this makes me so angry. F*#^ them.
That is HILARIOUS and the best way you could have stated your position and proved your point. NTA. F*ck them.
Not worth the issues to be honest. I get that they piss you off but the best defense is ignoring them. I have a similar situation but I never let them make me feel less then. You are a successful woman with a husband who loves you. Take the good and leave the bad. You guys can live life on your terms. NTA.
NTA. As the Bible says, Don’t start none, won’t be none. They learned to stop meddling that day.