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Woman asks for advice after finding out husband is lying about 'best friend.' Updated!

Woman asks for advice after finding out husband is lying about 'best friend.' Updated!

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A women had the 'perfect marriage,' or so she thought. Things were going great with Dylan for 3 years, but after attending a party where she met his best friend, things started to unravel. Should she have seen this coming? Was she naive? Or is this just how things go when your partner is good at hiding their secrets?

You and the commenters can be the judge.

A women took to Reddit's 'offmychest' subreddit to unburden herself by sharing her story, and getting feedback from the community.

She starts her story by giving some background on her and Dylan's relationship.

'I've found out why my husband hides his best friend from me, and I don't think there's anything I can do about it.'

I (26f) have been married to my husband Dylan (26m) for three years. We got together in when we were seventeen, but we've known each other since the fourth grade. I love my husband, he's the total package. Funny, sweet, smart, and attractive. He's made my life amazing, and he's who I fully intended on spending the rest of my life with.

Everything sounded great. Dylan was 'the total package.'

We attended all the same schools from the time we met, up until college. In that time we've both made our own friend groups. He's been more connected with his friends than I have, and because of that I've become a part of the group as well, I'd like to think. In that time, I've been at around 50% of their group hangouts, mostly because of my job, but sometimes I'm just straight up not invited.

I didn't question any of this because hey, they're his friends, he doesn't see them nearly as often as he sees me, it's not my business.

Although they have separate friend groups, she spent time mixing with his friends and everything seemed great, other than never meeting his actual 'best friend.'

My husband met his best friend, Karo (27m), long before he met me. I knew almost nothing about Karo up until recently. He wasn't at our wedding, nor did he attend any of the same schools as us, and I was under the impression he wasn't friends with anyone in our group. I thought all of this was because of his line of work, as I was told he traveled a lot.

Last year me and my husband went to a bbq hosted by another couple in the group. Karo was there. I didn't recognize him at first, but when I realized who he was, I was honestly kind of shocked. I'd seen him in person before, but he always kept a very very good distance from me, which I'm realizing now was intentional. Anyways, he's totally stunning, he looks like he could be a supermodel.

It turns out Karo is stunning, and is friends with her husbands friends. Things start to seem off, especially with Karo's reaction to OP.

When I attempted to make conversation with him, he seemed really nervous and totally shut me down after a few sentences. When I mentioned this behavior to anyone else, they also shut me down, saying things like 'That's just how he is' Or 'Maybe you said something that offended him'.

In short, no one would tell me anything about Karo, at all. Any conversation that involved him was a no-go.

When OP tries to confront her husband Dylan the lies start.

At the end of that night, I tried talking to Dylan about his behavior. He told me Karo didn't like me. I was confused, because I'd hardly seen him in person at all, let alone actually talked to him. The excuse my husband gave was that he disliked me because I 'cheated' on my husband once in college, and Karo was too stubborn to let it go.

OP let's us know in the comments that she never cheated on Dylan, although he thinks she did and clearly told that to Karo.

I've seen Karo less than a dozen times since then, mostly at birthday parties, huge get-togethers, and on one occasion he came to our house to watch a football game with my husband and a few of their other buddies.

Life goes on as normal for Dylan and OP, but then things take a turn.

Anyways, a few weeks ago my husband 'went fishing' with his 'cousin'. That same night, I had some of the girls in our friend group over for a girls night type thing. Lily, (24f) was scrolling through some social media. I was glancing over her shoulder when I saw a selfie of Dylan and Karo sitting next to each other in a hottub.

The selfie had been posted maybe 30 minutes ago. I asked lily about what I had seen, and she went pale. She tried saying nothing, but I snatched the phone from her and went to the profile that posted the photo.

The profile belonged to my husband. It was a private profile, and scrolling through the photos, most of them were dirty jokes or memes, but the rest of them were photos of him and Karo.

Either they were hanging out alone, or with the rest of the group, minus me. Most of the photos they seemed way too close, too touchy, or doing things that seem too personal or intimate for friends to be doing. I spent a good ten minutes looking before I couldn't take it anymore.

When OP finds out her husband as a private social media profile, with pictures of Dylan and Karo in a hottub and being 'close' and 'touchy,' things start to come into focus.

I was horrified. All of the photos were dated to nights my husband told me he was working late, hanging out with this relative or that, times that he'd told me he was doing something else, and obviously hangouts i wasn't invited too.

Lily just sat there looking dumb. She didn't say anything, but all the girls were looking at us like a bomb had just gone off. They clearly knew what I had seen, and their reactions were enough to confirm exactly what I was afraid of. I was livid. I started yelling, Lily was crying, and the rest of the girls were freaking out.

When I started to calm down and demanded that they explain what was going on, Lily told me everything. Dylan and Karo had been sleeping together, and very essentially dating behind my back since before we even got married.

And now the obvious truth comes out, that in hindsight may have been obvious, Dylan and Karo are lovers, and Dylan has been lying about his trips, and everyone knew except OP.

They got together during a one month break me and Dylan had during college, and they stuck together ever since. They all knew, and none of them told me until I found out the hard way. Karo wasn't at our wedding because he felt guilty. He avoided me like the f**king plague because he felt guilty.

They arrange group meet-ups in a groupchat I wasn't in, because they all like Karo enough 'to spare his feelings'. Even the guys in the group felt the same way about him, apparently. Karo was never as distant as I thought he was, he was just being hidden. Dylan was hiding him from me because he didn't want me to find out they were together.

By the end of it, half of us were sobbing, and everyone who wasn't was apologizing to me. I was so angry. I made them swear they wouldn't say anything to Dylan, or anyone else. I kicked them all out, and cried myself to sleep. I was basically in denial, like it was some kind of sick f**king prank.

My husband didn't come home until the next morning. He told me all about the supposed fishing trip he'd went on. I didn't say anything about what I knew. I guess he could tell something was up, because he kept asking me what was wrong, all day, every five f**king minutes. Eventually I just told him I'd been in an argument with my sister. By the end of the week, I was totally numb.

Understandbly, OP needs some time to process, so she delays confrontation.

Last night while my husband was handing out candy to kids, I saw a notification pop up on his phone, since I knew his password, I opened it. It was a text from Karo. I looked through the conversations they'd had, it confirmed everything. It was devastating, Dylan texted Karo the exact same way he texted me.

He told Karo he loved him, every sweet thing he said to me had been said in his conversations with Karo. I was hardly mentioned. I put his phone back before he noticed.

OP still loves Dylan, and doesn't want to lose him, but can't figure out if there's a way.

Dylan is at work now. I don't know what to do. I could never imagine myself leaving Dylan, because he's such a loving partner and a good man. But I can't see myself winning in a competition against Karo if that's what it comes down to.

I can't even make myself be disgusted or angered by Dylan. I love him too much, I'm not even upset with Karo. But I'm so hurt, I don't want to risk losing my husband, and I don't want to share him.

I called lily and my sister this morning and told them about what I had found. They both asked what I'm going to do, and I had nothing to say.
I don't know what to do, at all.

Comments from the original post:

julzferacia writes:

This is devastating. They all lied. They all betrayed you and stood by and said nothing while they all knew. He knew. Yet married you anyway. It's all a scam. I am so sorry. This is multi layers of betrayal

Teacutie19 writes:

Op needs to divorce the husband and go NC w all of them “friends”

Update 1 from OP:

Hi, I really appreciate the support and advice i was given on my last post. Dylan came home last night around 10. I had a whole speech prepared to confront him with, but I could only end up saying 'I know about you and Karo.'


I'll spare the details of the conversation because it's still raw, but he left around midnight. He only took a few of his things. I haven't spoken to him since, aside from him telling me he was coming to get more of his things, and after our conversation I've decided to go through with divorce. I've collected all the necessary information, and I'll be getting in touch with a lawyer shortly.

Again, Thank you all for the advice and help to come to my senses.

Comments from Update 1:

MammothBookkeeper418 writes:

The cheating husband part is bad but unfortunately common. But ALL of these people being in on this lie for all this time?! It really boggles my mind how so many people could be so deceitful.

TheYellowRose writes:

Can we all just say - #F**kDylan

correkohri writes:

If I were her, I’d out the friends on social media. If I were acquainted with the kind of people who would do this, I would want to know how untrustworthy they are.

Update 2 from OP:

(2nd, and hopefully last update) I've found out why my husband hides his best friend from me, and I don't think there's anything I can do about it. I was unaware it was a big trend to repost reddit posts onto tiktok. This is what happened with my first post, and the video has almost 700k views.

A friend of mine, noah, who i am namedropping because I know he will see this, and I appreciate him dearly, forwarded me the video because he knew it was my post. (i explained the situation to him prior, and he knew i had posted it.)

There are several things i want to address, and I ask that whoever made the video, because they clearly use reddit, posts this too, to clear my name. Everybody in my life knows by now, so i see no harm in addressing you personally.

To recap; yes I am leaving Dylan, no, I did not actually cheat on him, it was a huge misunderstanding between the two of us that lead him to believe, and tell people, that i cheated. I don't even know if what he told me about Karos' dislike for me is or was true.

No I am not going to 'sue him for everything he has'

I will no longer be speaking to anyone from that group

I may have been naive, but i am not stupid.

No, i still do not know why they chose to betray me like that, and I don't intend on finding out.

Yes, while his parents were accepting of lgtbq, I dont think they wouldve been okay with dylan marrying a man.

From here on out, I doubt i will have anything to say. That is all, thank you.

Also, I have never watched brokeback mountain, but the jokes about it did make me chuckle.

Comments from Update 2:

Typical_Agency8984 writes:

The entire reddit community is rooting for you. We wish you the best. F**kDylan

jaydenB44 writes:

Hope you’re able to heal and find happiness. Sending you gentle hugs.

Alternative_Sink_483 from OP:

Thank you <33

k-hisham writes:

I know you don’t owe us any updates, but I’m very thankful that you have left him and that friend group. You have the entire internet on your side and you deserve so much better

Securedinsecurities wrote:

Good for you for leaving. I am part of LGBTQ but the fact that THEY all lied to you or never even said a word is a total mess. They wasted your time and kept you from knowing alot of people and doing things for your own good.

Move out, forget them. NC everyone involved. They deserve nothing from you. Go out and look for your own happiness when time comes. This will too pass. May take so much time, but i know it will be worth it. Go girl!

Sources: Reddit,Reddit,Reddit,Reddit
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