Woman finds husband secretly flirting with ex for 7 yrs; may tell his daughter. UPDATED.

"AITA FOR LEAVING MY HUSBAND AND HIS DAUGHTER?"

I didn’t know how to title this, but let me give you a backstory. My (37m) husband and I (35f) raise his (13f) daughter in a nice gated community. We are an outgoing family that likes to do fun things like camping and traveling.

My stepdaughter and I have a great relationship. She is like a daughter that I never had. My husband had a previous marriage, but that didn’t work out because his ex wife cheated on him, and kicked him and his daughter out. A few months after his divorce is when I met him with his little daughter. It was a horrible thing what that woman did to them.

I never met her but did see a picture of him and her on their wedding day. The other thing he told me was that she kicked him and their daughter out because he wasn't making a enough money for their family, and she slept with a guy from a random bar.

One day I was cleaning our bedroom before a camping trip. My husband and our daughter left to get some snacks for the trip. I found my husband's phone on the dresser. I left it where it was because he leaves it home a lot. I heard his phone ring but ingored it becxause my husband and I aren’t fans of going through each other phones. His phone went off again and it irritated me.

I know what I said about going through your partner's phone, but I just wanted to know who called, so I unlocked his phone, and clicked the caller profile. I see that the unknown number was texting my husband sweet things and I could see my husband's messages also. Who was this person? My husband never talks to anyone I don’t know without telling me.

If I told you guys who was in those messages you wouldn’t believe me. There were pictures of my husband's ex wife. I am confused. why is he talking to his ex?

I looked at all the messages. There was one where she asked about their daughter. I surprised that my husband was still talking to his ex. I got to the end of the messages. They’ve been talking for 7 years without my knowledge, not sure if it was actually 7 years maybe they’ve talked longer.

Their messages containedflirting like asking about each other private parts and [xxx] life. There were pics of eachother's private parts. It made me disgusted that he was doing this. If you guys are wondering, it is possible to still have old messages for years longer.

And yes I know what you guys are going to say, she is the biological mother of his daughter, but I’ve been raising this girl since she was 3, so yes I am hurt to find out he was talking to his ex behind my back.

I feel really dumb that this was going on behind my back. He told me he wouldn’t speak to his ex again after what she did and I believed him. I am upset that didn’t tell me about his ongoing relationship with her. There is nothing wrong with her asking about her child, nothing at all, but I feel betrayed by him.

Before my husband and his daughter came back I left with only my purse. I knew we had to go camping, but that was out the door for me. I need to take a break but it feels like I’m doing something wrong. AITA?

By the way, my stepdaughter has nothing to do with what her father is doing, and I will still continue to love her. For those who think I am wrong for leaving, then I don’t know what to tell you. It might scar her if I tell her, but I don’t just want to leave without explaining my reasoning.

I will update you guys on anything that happens. I will be staying with my mom for the time being. Please give me feedback. I don’t know what to do💖

Here's what people had to say to OP:

twister723 writes:

That is just the story he told YOU! My God! Is this your first relationship?

yanni_binuntouched OP responded:

Yes, he was my first everything, he [was my first] and all so I felt attached to him. This doesn’t have to do with the topic but I never had a father figure to teach me about men so maybe if I did have one I wouldn’t be in this situation:(

beerwineliquor802 writes:

You're NTA. And let's put the cheating aside for a minute. His ex is sXXting your husband, but doesn't see her own child? Was your step-daughter even mentioned? What kind of shit is this? The fact that he would even entertain talking to her at all when she left them both is crazy to me, but then to be sXXting.

yanni_binuntouched OP responded:

She did ask how old her daughter was and asked how was she and that was all, I was thinking the same thing. Some ppl are saying I’m upset because their both talking about their daughter when that’s not the reason because y’all been messing around for years but never asked her biological to come meet her daughter??

YoghurtDull1466 writes:

Just don’t leave that poor girl all alone with these awful selfish people :(

yanni_binuntouched OP responded:

Oh I promise I won’t, she still my babygirl💖🥹

bobbleheadjoe_ writes:

You were cheated on. You did not deserve that. Your husband is the a%$hole for that, not you.

Updae from OP 9 hours later:

I had the talk with my stepdaughter. I only told her that her father and I will get a divorce because I couldn’t just tell her the full story. I'll let her know when she is older. We both cried and she told me she didn’t want us to separate and asked me if it’s her fault. I let her know it will never be her fault.

When it was time to for me to talk to her dad I told her to stay in the car. I was very aware what everyone was telling me about his reaction. When I told him I wanted a divorce, and that I saw everything, he said I sounded crazy because he hasn’t talk to in 9 years.

The 9 years was another red flag from him. He told me we’re not getting a divorce because I would be ruining his daughter's life, so I needed to stay. I told him I need to have my own space, but he didn’t like that. I was happy that I told Sofia to stay in the car because he started to throw stuff around.

Looking back at what happened I should have listened and not went. He didn’t hit, but threw things and yelled in my face. I didn’t want Sofia to stay in the house after what I caused because I was scared for her. I begged him to let Sofia stay with me. I told him I'd bring her back Saturday and that we need to have a talk.

I couldn’t tell you guys this yesterday and I am sorry for not updating sooner. For people who asked, I did get the screenshots of the texts.

Update!! I got a text from my stepdaughter, and she told me her father will let us have a girls date today, but he wanted to know why I left, and said I need to come back so he can help me with my problem. I am getting ready to go get her. I’m scared because I will be seeing him again. After the talk we will have I want to talk to her father.