I (25f) got married to my husband (24m) (we’ll call him Jim) a week ago after dating for 2 and a half years. Jim has a friend called Misha (22f) who was invited to the wedding. He and Misha have known each other since high school and were close friends and Misha had a very obvious crush on Jim from what he and others who know them have told me.
Jim told me this after I met Misha for the first time and confessed that he leaned in to her crush and led her on throughout their high school years and for a little while after, before we got together because he was struggling with his mental health and he really liked her attention.
He seemed genuinely guilty about all of that because he thought Misha was a nice girl and a good friend and because he showed guilt I didn’t feel the need to bring it up or argue about it despite thinking it was a sh!tty thing to do. Plus, Misha is a nice girl who has never overstepped boundaries and has been nothing but kind and friendly towards me and I now consider her a friend too.
Misha moved away to the city last year and has done really well for herself and has a long term boyfriend who none of us have met yet so when it came to sending wedding invites, I told her she was welcome to bring him as her plus one.
The first red flag came when Jim was weirdly resistant to the idea of Misha bringing her boyfriend but he excused it on being concerned about the number of guests we invited and the matter was dropped.
When the wedding day came, Misha showed up in this beautiful dress (nothing inappropriate for a wedding) and with her boyfriend on her arm who I’ll admit is a very handsome guy (think a Kit Harrington type).
She’s also lost weight and has a haircut that suits her better and I thought she looked great. We also found out throughout the night that her boyfriend is very successful and earns more than practically anyone else who attended.
Throughout the reception I noticed Jim glaring at Misha and her boyfriend the whole time and he was really cold and short towards her when she came over to congratulate us and give us a gift. He was also straight up kinda rude to her boyfriend when Misha introduced us to him.
When his mom (who’s always known and liked Misha) mentioned that she was glad Misha found a great guy and praised her boyfriend for being so nice, Jim snapped that “at least she won’t be desperate and hung up on me for the rest of her life” which I thought was cruel and uncalled for but I didn’t challenge him because I didn’t want to argue at my wedding despite the fact that he frankly sounded bitter.
The whole thing has left an awful taste in my mouth and I can’t help but think that Jim got jealous that Misha has found a guy who’s honestly quite a catch who she’s clearly very in love with and is now completely over Jim.
I think I would have to take a step back from hubby and see if there were any other red flags I've missed. He was jealous of this woman and her bf ON YOUR WEDDING DAY. I can not imagine how much this hurt you. I am so sorry.
Half-update: after getting some PMs from people, I decided to go through his phone while he was napping after work and needless to say this marriage is over. I’ll post a real update when I have sorted everything out.
If your husband couldn't enjoy his wedding day, I fear for your future. His only reason to snap is jealousy, but you should be his world
It’s giving bitter. Can’t imagine how that must have been for you. Says a lot about his character tbh
And SL1MECORE said:
He sounds weird and gross, I'm sorry. I know I'm just judging off of a small snippet but it's really weird that he would not be overjoyed to see his best friend in a loving relationship and enjoying her life. If he actually felt guilty about leading her on to massage his own ego, I would think he'd be happy to see it didn't affect her in the long term. I'm single and unmarried so take it with a grain of salt.
After getting some PMs from people, I decided to go through his phone while he was napping after work and needless to say this marriage is over. I’ll post a real update when I have sorted everything out.
Pretty much the day after my original post, I got some PMs from people suggesting that I go through my husband Jim’s phone to see if he and Misha were truly just friends before this and that nothing romantic happened between them that would explain his reaction at the wedding.
He always takes a 45 minute nap after work and so I used that as my opportunity to swipe his phone from where it was charging on his desk so that I could look through it (I’ve seen him put in his passcode a tonne of times so that wasn’t an issue).
I didn’t find anything in his texts with her, but I know that Jim goes on instagram a lot so I checked there too. The immediate red flag was that he’d used an app-lock that required a passcode to access instagram but the dumbass used the same passcode that he uses to unlock his phone so I got into that right away (it’s his birth year go figure).
And what would you know? I go to his messages with Misha and find messages from him the morning after our wedding telling her how beautiful she’d looked that night, how much he’d missed her, how he felt that her boyfriend being there spoiled his opportunity to catch up with her and that he was desperate to meet up with her.
Misha never replied to these messages and he sent some more to her later that day. I won’t get into what he said because they were very personal insults that were frankly just gross, but just think about the kind of stuff you would read on that niceguys subreddit.
Misha left him on read and when I clicked on her account it appears that she’s blocked him. I scrolled through their messages quite far back and I believe nothing romantic has happened between them.
I wish that was all, but looking into his other conversations on instagram. I found that he’s been messaging other girls on there. They seemed like aspiring instagram model types from our area. Most of these conversations were just him shooting his shot and getting left on read, but others had evolved into flirting and two of them resulted in sexting.
And the most embarrassing part of all? The nudes he was sending to these women weren’t even of him. I know what his body looks like and he doesn’t have chiselled abs and isn’t that well endowed. I think he must’ve found a man’s profile on some adult website and used those pictures just cropping the face out. These two conversations happened in the past 6 months.
I ended up texting his mom and his brother from my phone asking them to come and pick him up from the apartment and then I went to wake him up. I told him that I knew about the girls he was messaging on instagram, that he needed to pack a bag and get the hell out before I started throwing his stuff out on to the street and causing a scene.
He started crying and begging me not to kick him out and swore that they were just messages and that he would never actually cheat on me, but I don’t believe him for a second. Then he had the nerve to tell me that he didn’t want to me to tell anyone else about what he’d done but I had left the room and started ignoring him by that point.
He left with his mom and brother and is staying there from what I know, I’ve blocked him on everything for the time being until I’m ready to tell him that I’m seeking annulment. Thankfully where I’m from, you can get one almost no-questions-asked as long as you haven’t been married for longer than 30 days and I’ve already looked into the process.
I haven’t really left my apartment at all this week and I’ve been calling in sick to work because I don’t feel like I can face people. I’m just so embarrassed that I’ve wasted over two years on this man and that I married him in the first place.
I don’t feel like I can even talk to people about this, so posting here has helped and I’d like to thank you all for your kind words, advice, and support. I might reach out to Misha when the dust has settled but I think I’ll need to build up some courage for that.
Oh god OP, a million sorry’s for what you’re going through! You should be happy and in the honeymoon phase right now instead of this crap. This is a sucky consolation, but at least you found out now before you had years and children in a marriage with him.
Yikes. This is so much cringier than cheating. He’s a massive loser. I’m glad you’re getting away from him.
And laundry_pirate said:
Omg I don’t even know what’s worse, him trying to cheat or him getting rejected because he comes across as so pathetic. Thank god you found out now before you guys actually started building your life together and have children!! While this sucks, it’s really fortunate you get to get out now before it becomes hard.
Onward, and upward!!!