'AITA for calling my fiancé's daughter spoiled?' He needs to parent her better.'
"AITA for calling my fiance's daughter spoiled?"
My(26F) fiance, Dan(29M) has a daughter(14F) that we will call Nia. He was obviously very young when he had her so his parents took care of her. Her mom is not involved in her life. His parents and siblings dote on her and gave her everything she wanted therefore she turned out extremely spoiled.
2 of Dan's siblings voluntarily shared a bedroom so that a baby could have her own room. Now that we want to move in together Dan insists that Nia must come with us even though Dan's dad is the legal guardian.
I have no problem with Nia living with us. I think we get along just fine however we were planning to buy a home and Dan insisted that we must get Nia's input as well. Nia looked at the home and asked if there are only 2 bedroom in our home? We said yes.
She asked us if we are planning to have kids together. We told her that she knows that we do. She said No thank you I'll stay with my grandparents.
Dan freaked out and asked her why. She said she doesn't want to share a bedroom with someone. Now my finace says he won't move in with me unless we find a bigger home with more bedrooms because 'he won't go anywhere without his daughter'
We can't afford a bigger room so this way we won't be able to move in together for who knows how long? I was furious. I told him his daughter is spoiled and he needs to parent her better instead of doing whatever she wants. He called me an a**hole for 'insulting his daughter' and is giving me the cold shoulder.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Artistic_Musician_78 writes:
'ruin all our plans'?! Lol yeah YTA.
Anxious_Ear_6912 OP:
Yes. We were going to buy the house and then the 14yo got a veto?
accioqueso writes:
You realize there are other houses out there that fit the needs of the entire family and not just yours, right?
Anxious_Ear_6912 OP:
Yeah but the house also needs to be close to her grandparents house or she is not moving in.
goldensand16 writes:
YTA. A 14 year old is not spoiled because she doesn’t want to share a room with a baby. And his brothers sharing one so the baby had a nursery also didn’t make her spoiled, she had no say in the matter. If you were a teenager and had to share a room with either a baby or your closer aged sibling no one is choosing the baby that cries all the time.
Nia was not rude to you, she asked a question and made a decision based on the answer. Nia and Dan are a package deal and you need to be okay with that, he’s not leaving her behind and that’s how it should be.
Anxious_Ear_6912 OP:
That wasn't the other option. His parents were planning to keep the baby in their own bedroom but his siblings wanted to decorate a nursery for her which is how she got a room
I don't think he should leave her behind. I think she needs to accept the situation and come with us. If I had a child, my child wouldn't get a choice about where to stay
squirlysquire writes:
YTA. nia can feel your hatred...she knows she is the last thing you care about. You call her spoiled for wanting her own room? She had no say in her room as a baby. She knows if you have a baby she will be made to share a room, no teen wants a baby in their room!
Anxious_Ear_6912 OP:
I shared a room. A lot of people share rooms. And the baby might not even come until she is 18. But no she has to ruin all our plans
TheObviousDilemma writes:
YTA. Did you legitimately expect a teenager to sleep in the same room as a baby? Of course she’d rather have her own room.
Anxious_Ear_6912 OP:
Which baby? We don't even have a baby yet and when we do the baby will be in our own room for at least a year
Equivalent_Collar_59 writes:
But then after that year where’s the baby going to go? Don’t get angry because a literal child has more foresight than you, it doesn’t make her spoiled just more mature than you
Anxious_Ear_6912 OP:
So a room is more important than her dad stepmom and siblings?