As petty as it might sound, picking out meals can be one of the most defining and frustrating parts of a long-term relationship.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for ordering burgers even though his wife didn't want them. He wrote:
Me and my wife were trying to order food together on Uber Eats because we had some credits on it running out today and we had to use them, and I gave her my phone to decide what she wanted. I suggested that we get burgers since they were buy one get one free, and it could stretch our credits a little further, but she said she didn’t want burgers.
I told her it was fine and for her to choose where she wanted to eat from and I will order from the same place too. After she scrolled through the list of restaurants, she told me she couldn’t choose, got frustrated said she didn’t want anything and told me to order for myself and stormed off into the bedroom.
I went in after her to ask her if she really didn’t want anything, and to ask her what was wrong a couple of times, and she repeated that she didn’t want anything, to order for myself, and to leave her alone. I proceeded to order some food, enough for the both of us from the burger restaurants buy one get one free.
After I went to go pick up the food she told me that I was an AH for not thinking about her, and that I only care about myself, which is why I ordered from the burger restaurant. AITA here?
NTA - You literally did everything right. You’re not a mind-reader, and you can’t know what she wants if she doesn’t communicate. All I can think is she was frustrated from other things, and unhelpfully took it out on you while screwing herself out of food. Does she do this kind of thing often? Or was this out of left field for her?
She doesn't normally do this.
NTA. And her behaviour sucks. Something might be up if she is acting that way. To “storm” off into the bedroom and than he mad when you ordered? That’s not rational behaviour. It sounds so dumb, but maybe try to figure out if something is going on that caused that behaviour.
NTA, you were in a lose-lose situation there, my dude. You gave her all the benefits; order what she wanted, gave her control, and she flat-out told you "I don't want anything." It's not my marriage, but I'd be like "Honey, I love you, but I'm not psychic. If you tell me I can do something and I do it and you get mad at me over it, you're painting me into a corner here."
If she's frustrated about not knowing what she wanted and not having options she liked, that's not your fault. Ordering what you wanted after she flat out told you to and she gets mad? That's not okay, and she needs to know that it's not okay. It's not gaslighting, but it's manipulative, sh#$ty behavior. It puts the onus of reading her mind on you, and making a situation a win-win when you don't have the tools.
NTA. You said you’d order from anywhere and then she got in a snit. That’s not on you. I mean, I know it’s annoying when you can’t decide what you want. It happens. But that’s not your fault. It’s also not like you could have saved them for another night. They were expiring. So I don’t get why she’s mad.
NTA. Your wife's behavior is the same stupid s#$t I do when I'm hangry. But if my husband has picked food and I said no, that's my own d*mn fault.
OP is NTA, his wife needs to get better at communicating if she has strong opinions.