19 of the funniest tweets from married people who dared to be honest.

May 23, 2023 | 12:25 P.M. ET

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Marriage isn't always a beautifully romantic journey of long walks on the beach, getting into cute food fights while cooking together, or holding hands on the porch...

Sometimes, it's necessary to gently roast your partner for being the reason you're one more sock on the floor away from a meltdown. So, if you could certainly use a daily dose of relatable catharsis about the challenges of being married, here are the funniest tweets we could find from the coupled up wits of Twitter.

1.

A good husband is someone who orders large fries with his meal because he knows his wife who “didn’t want fries” is going to eat half of them.
— The Dad (@thedad) May 2, 2023

2.

on a long roadtrip with my wife when the most amazing thing happened — at one point she let an entire song play from beginning to end
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) May 7, 2023

3.

Wife: I need your opinion on this

Me: I...

Wife: No, never mind
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 28, 2023

4.

Husband: *texting me* Any chance we can skip that dinner party tonight?

Me: *already in my pajamas* If that’s what you really want.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 21, 2023

5.

Marriage is having each other’s backs during social events. For example, I tell my spouse the exact moment I notice food in his beard. In turn, my spouse tells me the exact moment we arrive home, he notices lipstick on my teeth.
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) April 26, 2023

6.

Congratulations to my wife on the purchase of her one millionth Amazon order.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) April 30, 2023

7.

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud’ but they will be, oh they will be
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) May 1, 2023

8.

If the thought of arguing about what constitutes as a drizzle sounds appealing, marriage might be right for you.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) May 4, 2023

9.

husband: have you seen my jeans?

5yo: have you tried the big closet where all the clothes are?

me: *sheds a single tear of pride*
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 26, 2023

10.

husband & kids are out of town so I’m back to my natural state (depressed, Cheetos for dinner, wondering why is life)
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 6, 2023

11.

Some couples exercise together.

My wife and I text each other videos while we're sitting in the same room.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) April 30, 2023

12.

Me *to my wife*: How can you watch such a cringey reality show?

Also Me: Dammit, I can’t wait for the next season!
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 26, 2023

13.

There are two types of people: Those who are always ten minutes early and those who think it only takes ten minutes to get anywhere, and they marry each other.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 27, 2023

14.

Dating: come get closer

Marriage: omg why are you so close
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 6, 2023

15.

Anytime my husband upsets me, I just add more shampoo bottles to our shower. Currently, there’s 47.
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 1, 2023

16.

I know I shouldn't get angry at my husband for something he did in a dream, but he bought a freakin' tiny house. this is unacceptable wtf
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 17, 2023

17.

Me and my husband were arguing about who was going to clean the living room. My 9yo from the other room, "are you guys flirting?" We looked at each other like are we flirting? Is this flirting now?
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 22, 2023

18.

My daughter came in at 3 am and said she can’t sleep her sister is snoring and if this doesn’t prepare her for marriage I don’t know what will.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 14, 2023

19.

marriage is fun you get to learn things like it’s possible to fold a towel inside out
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) April 27, 2023

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