'Finally got to see how my MIL wished I would dress my baby…'
"Finally got to see how my MIL wished I would dress my baby…"
Rare-Caregiver7538
Since our baby was born, my MIL has done nothing but criticize me about my parenting.
It’s been out of control.
Some examples are:
I happily shared our newborn was breastfeeding great, feeding every 3-4 hours. She said that was too much and there was something wrong with my milk.
She asked about how our 2 week old was sleeping. I said pretty great for a newborn, and that the baby woke up around every 4 hours. She said baby should be sleeping through the night and to give baby a bottle of water before sleep.
Saw baby sleeping in bassinet attachment of stroller. Told me the baby needs to be sleeping at an elevation ... I could go on, but it’s literally every time I see her. It would be one thing if it was good advice, but literally everything she suggests is dangerous.
Things have been made worse due to her sister becoming a grandmother around the same time, so she’s constantly comparing. This other baby’s parents in my opinion got married a little too young and still seem to be growing themselves, so they leave their baby since it was a newborn with the grandparents, sometimes for days on end.
My MIL complains I don’t do the same. MIL roots a lot of her issues about me in that I am not from her ethnic community. One of her biggest things is I don’t dress the baby properly, according to her.
She basically acts like I’m committing child abuse and says my baby is cold (baby’s never cold) When she gets a hold of the baby, she wraps her in these giants blankets. I’ll go to check on the baby, and she’ll be red and sweating like crazy!
Well, I finally saw how her sister has got their grandchild dressed. The temperature is in the 90s here. This little baby had on a fur jacket with hood, a shirt, furry pants, and socks. My baby is usually in a onesie and regular pants. No wonder she’s appalled at that considering they expect the baby to wrapped up in a fuzzy jacket in June!
Absolutely nuts. And there’s no getting through to her. She thinks she knows everything, and treats me like I’m some sort of devil. My husband wants to just limit contact, but man, this sucks.
I have always gotten along with my SO’s mothers. Of course the one that ends up my MIL is the one that is out of her ever-loving mind. I don’t know what to do. Just limit contact? Forever? I’ve never dealt with something like this.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
ohgeezgeorgie
If your husband wants to limit contact, follow his lead. No need to have her steal your peace and mess with you further if husband is willing to go LC. Nothing will change her mind so no point in fighting it IMO.
The OP responded here:
Rare-Caregiver7538
Low contact for him though is seeing MIL once a week or thereabouts. He sees this as an improvement from what she would prefer, which is every day. He’s got a big family and is close with other members, so we go to events for them all the time. She’s talked so much shit about me to everyone that no one likes me. The whole thing is so uncomfortable.
ohgeezgeorgie
Oh heck no! Once a week is not limiting contact! If you haven't done so, tell your husband how you feel and give him the option to visit with his mother/ family without you.
You and baby don't need to see her that often and a good rule to try and enforce is if you cannot have a good relationship with the mom then you cannot have a relationship with the kid.
If he doesn't want to get on your side, you may need to put your foot down or try couples therapy. Your mental health is important especially now that you're a mom and you need to be surrounded by people who love and support you not people who are cruel to you. A good question to ask him is how he would feel if your child was treated this way by someone...
justloriinky
So, I'm really commenting on your comments more than the actual post. Stop spending so much time around her!! Your husband can go visit her anytime he wants. You can stay home and have quiet time with baby!!
Decide what your limit is. Maybe visit once a month for an hour. Whatever you feel like works for you. If your marriage is strong, it shouldn't be a big deal. I've been married for 20+ years and visit the in-laws maybe 4 times a year. (And I have good relationships with them. If I didn't, it would be zero times a year.)
The OP again responded
Rare-Caregiver7538
I would love that, but she doesn’t really care about seeing him, she just wants the baby. So him visiting without the baby doesn’t count as a visit to her. I think it is as exhausting for him as it is for me. She says things to him too.
She’s changed since the baby was born, and so he is having to navigate the dissolution of the positive, saintly image he had of his mother for most of his life. I think with time, things will get easier. But she is a very domineering controlling person, so getting to that point is going to be an exhausting, upsetting journey.
_ElleBellen
Your husband wants to limit contact. He has the right idea. Just lean right into it and the problem will solve itself.
Kajunn
Follow your husband's lead on this. He obviously knows talking to her will not do anything. If you choose continue contact and try to have a relationship with her then you need to shut her down.