Being considerate of other people's feelings is free and can make the world an infinitely better place. However, sometimes other people's feelings are affected by comparisons and projections, and it can be awkward to find the line between considering others and dimming our own light.
Finding this line is a largely situational task that requires both empathy and a well-developed sense of boundaries.
AITA for not telling my GF to cover up to spare my friend's feelings?
I(30m) have a friend who invited me, my GF and a bunch of our other friends over to his house for a pool party/BBQ. One of the people attending was a good friend of mine named Christine(37f) who had given birth a few months ago. Christine had a hard pregnancy and developed postpartum depression, so she was looking forward to the occasion to help lighten her mood.
My girlfriend Alex(26f) is a model/influencer, and as you can imagine she’s very beautiful, this is important. Everyone at the party is wearing some form of swimming gear, all of the guys are wearing trunks and tank tops or Hawaiian shirts, and the women are wearing bikinis or swimsuits. Alex stole the show however, she didn’t wear anything too revealing or inappropriate, but it did turn heads.
Alex was swimming, and I was talking with some of my other friends when another friend of mine Jane, pulled me to the side. She asked if Alex could cover up a little bit, Christine was getting upset by her appearance. I asked how, and apparently, Christine’s PPD has manifested itself into a bad case of body dysmorphia. She said Alex is making her jealous and triggering her dysmorphia.
I was confused but I said okay, I talked to Alex and she said that while she understood she didn’t understand why she had to cover up for the sake of someone else’s feelings. Needless to say, she didn’t do it. Christine ended up leaving early two hours later. Jane came up to me and said Christine left because she couldn’t stop crying.
She also said me and Alex are aholes for not being accommodating to Christine’s feelings. Now while I understand PPD is a sensitive issue and that Christine is dealing with a lot, I don’t understand how we’re aholes here. So I’ll leave it to you reddit, are we the aholes?
NTA. PPD sucks. And I have severe BD. But I will never expect someone cover up for my feelings. Christine needs therapy.
It isn't your girlfriend's job to make Christine feel better about herself. Your gf is a person with feelings as well. Christine needs to see a therapist before she goes to parties if she feels that shitty about herself.
NTA at all. I am going to say this as kindly, yet as honestly, as I can. Christine knew she was invited to a pool party. Pool parties are known for people wearing outfits which show their bodies. If she is still struggling with body dysmorphia, then she needs to avoid triggers until she is better, and that includes environments with people dressed in a certain way.
She was invited to the party- it wasn't mandatory, she had the choice to sit this one out. It's not your girlfriend's job to hide her own body to spare someone else's feelings. Your friend needs more therapy.
NTA at all. Your girlfriend doesn't need to adjust her own body in any way because of someone else's insecurities. Christine is responsible for managing her own triggers. She doesn't get to make it someone else's problem.
NAH. You were at a POOL party. Your gf is beautiful. In no way is she at 'fault', nor is Christine. All Christine has to do is turn on a tv, pull up a screen of ANY kind, or open a mag and she'll be bombarded by 'perfection'. She can't expect people to change their looks or dress for her. Having said that, I truly hope she is getting the help she needs.
It's unanimous that OP and his GF aren't the AHs. Hopefully, Christine is able to get therapy and feel less triggered in these kinds of situations.