Man calls mom 'monster' after she insults his GF, dad says 'mom was having a breakdown.'

Standing up to a toxic family member can be incredibly empowering, but it can also create serious backlash. This applies exponentially if they're one of your parents.

The cultural scripts around respecting your parents no matter what, while good on paper, can seriously inhibit the ability to speak against horrible emotional dynamics. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is rip off the band-aid and let the brutal truth fly.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for calling his mom a monster as she was having a mental breakdown.

He wrote:

AITA for calling my mother a 'f**king monster' as she was having a mental breakdown?

For a while, I was a single father of three lovely boys, ages 7 and 5. When my oldest two were 1, my ex-girlfriend and I split after I found out she cheated multiple times. We decided to “co-parent,” but she was incredibly distanced from the family. 4 months after she gave birth to my youngest son, she decided that she wasn’t ready to be a mother and left. I haven’t seen her since.

Growing up, my mum envisioned a very specific life plan for me. She’s always wanted to control my life; my education, career, and romantic relationships. My mum loved my ex-girlfriend (my son’s bio mum). To her, she was the perfect woman. Even after I told her the details of my ex walking out on my family, she still adores her.

My mum even blames me for her leaving me (“Oh, you MUST have done something to make her leave.” “Oh, you probably didn’t treat her like a gentleman etc.). It’s emotionally taxing and I don’t speak to her much. To her, I’ll always be a failure. A disappointment. And she has made her thoughts very clear to me. My girlfriend, “Fiona,” and I have been dating for 3 years.

When I met her, I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship, but I’m so incredibly happy I met her. She’s wonderful and I can’t wait for her to officially be a part of my family. The boys love her (my youngest calls her mum), and I love her. My mum, of course, does not. She does not like Fiona at all. Because she’s not my ex (and thank God she isn’t), Fiona will never be good enough.

My dad invited us to celebrate my mum’s birthday. My dad told me that if I brought Fiona, he would ensure that there would be no drama. I wish it was a nice, calm, afternoon spent with family. My mum is a heavy drinker. Late into the afternoon, after having way too much to drink, she starts “playfully,” chasing my son around the yard. He’s scared, crying, and runs to Fiona.

My mum, extremely drunk, begins to curse out a 7-year-old boy for running away from her. Fiona, interjects and yells at my mum that she can’t yell at “her son.” (Her words). This sets my mum off.

After hearing Fiona refer to the children as her own, my mum begins ranting (loudly) about how Fiona will never be the boy’s bio mum (their “real” mum) and how their “real” mother would have never poisoned their heads and caused them to be afraid of their own grandmother. Fiona is in shock, but I loudly yell back, “Maybe my kids are scared of you cause you’re a f**king monster!”

Fiona, the kids, and I left shortly after. My dad texted me. He told me that I shouldn’t have called my mother a monster when she was clearly having a breakdown. My mum is having a hard time accepting Fiona, and hearing Fiona was probably the last straw. He’s encouraging me to apologize before my mum apologizes. He wants to clear the air and everything to return to normal. I don’t want to do that.

Reddit wasted no time before sharing feedback.

Sadbabytrashpanda wrote:

NTA. There's a difference between a breakdown and a tantrum. Your mom was having the latter. Personally, I wouldn't want someone in my life who treated me, my SO and my kids poorly.

fantasymix_1343 wrote:

NTA. Your mom was being toxic and if I were you I would cut contact with her. Im happy you seem to have met a lovely woman that sees your kids as her own. I wish you, Fiona and the kids the best! DO NOT APOLOGIZE! Your dad is enabling her behavior.

FuntimeChris79 wrote:

What?!?!? NTA. She's had 3 years to get used to Fiona! She wasn't having a meltdown...she was acting like an unhinged AH.

middlingwhiteguy wrote:

NTA that wasn't a mental breakdown, that was an alcoholic hitting rock bottom. Now it's all on your mom to apologize and get her s**t together. Good for you and your girlfriend for protecting your kids and defending each other.

Relevant-Position-43 wrote:

How could you be anything other than NTA? Your mother idolizes a woman who cheated on her son and deserted your mother's grandchildren, and who gets drunk, frightens a child, and insults a guest. I'd say 'monster' is a fine judgment and on a practical note may give you even more breathing room than you have now.

The only thing that would make OP TA in this situation, is if he keeps putting Fiona and the kids in situations where they have to interact with his mom.