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Woman kicks out SIL for 'disrespecting' grandma at Mother's Day family gathering.

Woman kicks out SIL for 'disrespecting' grandma at Mother's Day family gathering.


A lot of people who dish it out can't take it.

The same people who call names and cause conflicts will often turn around and act wounded if you match their energy in the slightest. It can be an infuriating dynamic, and the whiplash is even worse when the whole room turns on you after seeing them start it.

Still, the bait-and-switch can cause you to wonder if you went too far, and if it was even worth saying anything in the first place.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for kicking out her sister-in-law for disrespecting her mom.

She wrote:

AITA for telling my brother's wife to respect my mom or get the f**k out of my house?

Last Sunday (Mother's Day) we had a family lunch at my house. My sister-in-law wanted to have it somewhere else because of the distance, but I am pregnant, and wrangling my son right now is hard on me, so everyone else said it would be at my place. They arrived late, which was not a big deal, because it wasn't an overly complicated meal anyway.

My husband and dad cooked, while my mom and I sat in the living room with cheese and fruit (alas, no wine) and played with my son. When my brother and his wife arrived with my niece his wife was immediately annoyed and accused us of starting without them. We said we hadn't. The men were still in the kitchen, keeping everything warm until they got there. We all sat down, and my brother helped serve.

My son 'gave' me a gift and I gave one to my mom. My brother had a gift from my niece to give his wife and gave something to my mom. My dad made a toast about how the mother of his children was the most important woman in his life, and he was grateful to her every day for his wonderful kids. He clapped my brother on the shoulder and kissed my forehead and then gave my mom a kiss.

My brother started to make a toast as well. He said he was grateful to Mom for showing him how to be a good parent. My sister-in-law then cut him off and said she wasn't going to be disrespected on Mother's Day and if this was going to be an extended fawning over our mother they should leave.

My brother told her that was just the first part of his toast and he was using our dad's toast to segue into his about her. She then said she couldn't believe we all started without her and were being so hateful to her. My mom said no one did anything to her and she should take a moment to compose herself so she doesn't set a bad example for the kids.

My sister-in-law told her to f**k off. I said she needs to shut her mouth and respect my mom or get the f**k out of my house. They left. My brother is pretty upset with me. He said I way overreacted and owe his wife an apology. He is also upset I cursed in front of his daughter. I reminded him that his wife cursed first. He said it was my responsibility to be the bigger person and set the right example at my house.

He also said this never would have happened if the lunch wasn't at my house. It's been a week since I talked to my brother. I don't want my family to be fractured and will probably just apologize, but was I actually the a**hole?

The comment section was fully heated.

silverwolfe88 wrote:

NTA. OP, your SIL sounds like she just didn't want to be there...she just wanted to be the center of attention, hence she arrived late. Sounds like she wanted to start a fight just to make herself look better. SHE came to your house and was disrespectful. You gave her an alternative, and she wanted to leave. She owes you and your mother an apology.

holliday_doc_1995 had an in-depth speculation:

I am getting the sense that there are some missing details here. Strictly speaking, the narrative paints the SIL as the bad guy. But it does seem that she may be excluded from this family. She wanted to meet somewhere else because distance is hard for her and everyone else shut her down in favor of OP’s house.

OP comments that she arrived late and was concerned about the festivities starting without her. This shows me that the distance really did put some pressure on her to get there in time and she seems to have been concerned about being left out.

It may have upset her walking in seeing everyone having already been there for a while. She may have felt excluded especially after suggesting a location closer to her and being shut down. Then father gives a speech and afterwards He hugged his wife and daughter and son but didn’t acknowledge the SIL. The SIL is the mother of his grandchild and the mother of his son’s children and she probably felt excluded.

Then hubby starts talking about his mom and her feelings of exclusion bubble to the surface and she makes a petty remark and OP and MIL scold her and tell her she is setting a bad example for the children (in front of her children), but then proceed to act just as poorly as she did. Don’t tell someone they are setting a bad example if you are going to engage in the same behavior.

YOU set a good example of how to deal with that bad situation with grace OR don’t tell SIL she is setting a bad example. Can’t have it both ways. Anyways I’m getting vibes that SIL’s feelings of exclusion may be valid although she did handle it inappropriately. Even if they are not and she behaved inappropriately for absolutely no reason, there was still a much better way to handle it.

Yuki-Onna101 wrote:

NTA. Though I would love to hear her side of this story, SIL seemed to have been looking for something to complain about/be offended over and found it. From the start, it does not seem like she put herself in the state of mind to enjoy the day with her family (and fellow mothers).

If she wanted the day to be all about her, her family should have stayed home and celebrated privately. It isn't fair to you or your family to have to hold everything to wait for the family that is running late and then be expected to put up with such self-centered behavior.

pxiboo wrote:

ESH. Perhaps she wanted to enjoy Mother’s Day as a mother herself rather than celebrating someone else’s mother. Why are we still expecting Mums to play second fiddle to grandmothers?

Just_when_I_thought wrote:

ESH. This was doomed from the start. SIL got the short end of Mother’s Day, for sure. OP got to stay in the comfort of her home. MIL got to see both her children, her grandchildren, and be the center of attention. SIL had to drive a long way to spend the day with her in-laws, who were more than happy to start celebrating without her.

SIL should not have acted out. That was way over the line and immature. I suspect her husband/the brother had been making a much bigger deal about his own mother than celebrating the mother of his children. In the future, let Mothers do what THEY want for Mother’s Day, and for the love of God, do not expect them to hang out with their in-laws.

It seems clear that OP is not necessarily TA, but that her SIL was feeling left out for a reason.

Sources: Reddit
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