'AITA for not using my inheritance to help out my brother after he spent his?' UPDATED
"AITA for not using my inheritance to help out my brother after he spent his?"
Background- Me (19F) and my brother (32M) became orphans 10 years ago due to an accident our parents were in. My parents had always been a bit paranoid when it came to their mortality, so they had a set plan in case they passed. They left a significant amount of money for each of us, and our childhood home was meant to be mine.
They specified that we would have access to our share of the will when we turn 18. Since my brother was already old enough, he took his money and cut all contact with me.
I had lived with my grandparents ever since, but last year I finally got my share. I decided to move in to the house, and use the money to pay for my studies. I am in first year of medicine and it is very expensive. I have estimated that when I finish medicine in 5 years, I will have a lot of money left to continue with what I want to specialize in, and have some left.
My grandparents know my plan and offered to help with my living expenses so my inheritance becomes exclusive for my studies until I finish. I accepted and we have been like this for a year.
Now to the issue, my brother and his wife have 3 children from ages 9, 7, and 4. My brother spent his inheritance money on a house, his wedding, cars, and expensive stuff that one doesn‘t really need to live. My SIL is a SAHM, so he was the breadwinner.
My brother recently lost his job so now their family is struggling and they need a place to stay. He contacted me and asked for us to meet up. When I arrived, he and his wife were already sat down on the restaurant.
Long story short, they said that since they were going through hard times, they expected me to hand them over my house, and give them a share of my inheritance so they can get back on their feet. I got pissed off since we have barely talked or visited each other since the accident and they were just demanding me to pay for them.
I told them that I wouldn’t because I already have a plan for the money and I was living on the house. They said I can move back with my grandparents and blew off at me for being selfish.
After arguing I decided to leave but now my cousins are saying I’m an inconsiderate AH and I should help family out. I really need to know if I’m in the wrong so, AITA?
I would like to add that the main reason I’m questioning my decision is because there is children involved (his kids) and I don’t want to hurt them.
Do you think she's obligated to help her brother and his family? This is what top commenters had to say:
ladystetson said:
NTA. he squandered his money, he will squander yours too, then you'll both be broke. Be responsible with your money. at least one of you will be financially solvent.
bestcatcher2 said:
NTA !!! girl you shouldn’t even be here. HE cut contact with YOU and now expects your help. no way. i am begging you to not hand over a cent he sounds like the type to be given a step and then suddenly take a mile. you owe him nothing !!!!!!
his family is not your responsibility in the slightest do not allow him to guilt you. biologically you’re related, but they’re not family, and your brother made that decision a long time ago. people love burning bridges not realizing they’ll regret it.
KnotKarma said:
NTA Now go get that those degrees!
[deleted] said:
NTA Your brother got his share and squandered it No he wants your share, too? LOL!
SoAnonymously said:
NTA. It's wonderful that your cousins are so concerned. I'm sure one of them will be happy to take in your brother, right? 😉
Some time passed after her first post, and then the woman shared this major update:
A lot has happened since my post so I’ll be updating here. I first told my grandparents everything that happened and they are supporting me.
I told the cousins that were sending me messages to help my brother themselves and they got angrier, so I blocked them.
I then invited my brother and his wife to eat and offered them to let them rent 3 rooms in my house, they asked if it was free and I said no, but it would not be expensive. They kept insisting on me handing over my property so I decided to leave.
I had a conversation with my brother and turns out you were right, he doesn’t want a relationship with me. To be honest I am completely heartbroken and angry because I thought things would change. After that conversation I decided this time I would be the one cutting contact and my grandparents did too.
I don’t know if things are definitely finished now but I surely hope so. Thanks to everyone for the judgment and advice.
In response to OP's udpate, a reader suggested this:
[deleted]
Depending on the jurisdiction it can be safer to give a token inheritance (like $1) to prevent people from being able to contest the will. Definitely worth consulting a lawyer.
InheritanceThrowawa OP responded:
I hadn’t thought of this. I live in Mexico so I’m not sure if the laws are the same but I’ll be investigating about it.
You know what? This may be a blessing in disguise since he has left no question about his nature and made it very easy to see that he has nothing good to add to your life.