'AITA for laughing at my SAHM wife when she said I don’t do enough for my son?' UPDATED
"AITA for laughing at my SAHM wife when she said I don’t do enough for my son?"
My wife(26) and I (M29) had our first son about 10 months ago. Because childcare is costly in my area, along with the obvious risks regarding daycares, we agreed that she’d be a SAHM. So i picked up more hours at work. I work the graveyard shift in a warehouse 12hrs a day Sunday night through Thursday night, and 6-8hrs on Friday night. For a grand total of 66-68hrs a week.
By the time i come home in the morning my wife and son are both up and shes making breakfast for us while feeding our son. I’ll usually take my food into our bedroom and eat in there before winding down for bed. But I usually don’t fall asleep until around noon. So I don’t get much sleep.
Recently however she started bringing our son into the room with and asking me to play with him or give him a bottle and a change before i go to sleep. But i thought that's what she was for considering all she does is take care of him. Id do it usually but it’s been really irking me. This morning it got heated when she tried to hand me my son as im getting ready to fall asleep.
She said that i needed to “step up more as a father.” I laughed and pointed around and said “well im paying for this house we’re living in, the clothes our son is wearing. The formula and water that he eats and his baby food. We agreed that you’d do the house stuff, why is it now my responsibility and why right before im going to bed?!”
She didn’t say anything and just took our son into his room and locked the door. I texted my mom and she started reaming me out. But honestly this was our original agreement so I don’t see a problem. This is extremely frustrating and i think i need someone from the outside to give me a perspective. AITA for laughing at my wife when she asked me to watch our son AS I'M ABOUT TO GO TO BED?
What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say:
WebbieVanderquack said:
YTA. For laughing, for making it about money, and for this part: "i thought thats what she was for." That's what you've both been for ever since you had a baby together. You're working hard, I acknowledge that, but your work is max 12 hours a day. Parenting is 24.
Your wife isn't asking you to take on chores, she's asking you to bond with your son. At the very least you should be eating with the family and not in your room. "We agreed that you’d do the house stuff." The baby is not "house stuff."
Quarkly95 said:
Ah yes, money = love, that great life lesson to be learnt. YTA. Paying attention to your son lumped into the same category as housework, niceeee
bearbear407 said:
YTA. You work 66-68 hrs a week. Your wife works about 77 hrs a week (assuming your baby sleeps and nap for 13 hrs a day). Your contribution to the family is shown through paycheques. Hers is shown through caring for your son and the household. Her “breaks” are only during the time when your son naps/sleep and even then she’s on constant standby in case if he cries.
So yes, YTA. If you think just paying for bills is enough to take care of your son then you are sadly mistaken. Your son will not bond with you just because you bring in the cash. He’ll bond with whoever spends time with him.
Even if you listen to people here op you are not the AH. People online like to live in stupidville. Your wife is not really an Ah either. But you both need to be more understanding.
OP you provide for your family and still help when you can it would be undoubtedly frustrating at times when you are getting ready for bed to be asked to do something.
Why are your deeds and contributions less than hers? SAHM us not the holiest occupation ever. Give me a break.
No-Sense-1096 OP responded:
I don’t think either of our jobs are more important than the others. She works hard to care for our son when I can’t and it’s something we spent many months discussing the ramifications of. But our son is getting older now and as a lot of people have pointed out to me, that small amount of bonding time with my son and I is something I don’t want to lose.
My wife and i are planning on working out set times when i can have time to bond with our son and she can get some rest. He’s not a super colicky baby but my wife and I need to communicate better about allocating our time as a family, and as husband and wife.
Awesome. That's why I am sure neither of you were AHs. Bonding is great but kids can tell if you would rather be somewhere else. Aka sleeping. Best of luck.
The day after sharing his original post, he shared this update:
I wrote this post right before going to sleep, and i picked it back up about an hour ago. I am definitely an asshole here, i was tired as was she and i lashed out. She doesn’t deserve that. I showed my wife this post. She’s having a great time reading all the YTA comments.
Im going to start eating breakfast with my family, theres obviously a lot i need to improve. Im going to work now so i wont be able to read the comments anymore until i get home tomorrow morning. Thank you for the slap of reality.