Woman gets tubes tied, asks for the $350K mom saved for future grandkids. AITA?
"AITA for not giving my daughter the money that was reserved for my grandkids?"
I (58M) and my wife (59F) have only one daughter (30F). We always wished we could have had more kids, but due to medical complications that I won't go into, we only had our girl.
Because of that we've always dreamed of being grandparents, so we made long-term investments that paid off, and now we have almost $350K saved up to help raise our future grandkids and cover their college expenses.
I want to make it clear that we never pressured our daughter to have children in any way. She simply knows that the money is there and what it's intended for. I'll explain why this is relevant later on.
The thing is, our daughter recently made the decision not to have kids. She told us a few months ago and even had a tubal ligation soon after. We were both a bit shocked and asked if she was sure, but we also reassured her that we'll always be there for her.
I won't lie, I'm really disappointed, but not in our daughter. It's her life, and it's not our place to impose anything on her. My disappointment stems from the fact that I won't have grandkids. However, if this is what makes her happy, I have no right to say anything about it.
Last week, we had a lunch at our house with our daughter, and she brought up the topic of the money we had saved for our future grandkids. We simply told her that we will make use of it differently now. For example, I'll be able to work fewer hours before retirement, and we plan to use the money for travel.
At that moment, our daughter's expression changed, and she fell silent. When my wife asked if she was okay, she suddenly exploded, accusing us of punishing her for not having kids and taking away the money that she would have used if she had children. The situation became really tense, and she stormed out after the argument.
Now she's not speaking to us and has posted about it on social media. We've also received some unpleasant messages from our daughter's friends, expressing their disapproval of our actions.
Let me be clear, we haven't disowned her. She will still receive whatever money or properties we have when we pass away. However, we saved that money specifically to support our future grandkids, and now that we know we won't have any, we decided to use it for our own purposes. Is that wrong? AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA. 'taking away the money that she would have used if she had children.'
She wouldn't have had it because it was never for her.
'She will still receive whatever money or properties we have when we pass away.'
She should be very grateful.
'Now she's not speaking to us and has posted about it on social media.'
She may end up with nothing.
It's her fertility and choice to have children. She made her choice. It's your money and your choice how to spend it. You made your choice. Blasting you online sounds like emotional manipulation to get her way. NTA, but she is.
NTA by a long shot. That money had a specific purpose - to ensure your grandchildren had the same educational opportunities that your daughter had. It was NEVER going to be her money. It was going from your account to a University.
Her life, her body, her decisions - you should continue to stay out, as you have. Your life, your money, your decision - she needs to show the same respect.
The fact she’s posting about it online tells me she has a whole lot of growing up to do, and just reinforces that she does not deserve a $350K windfall.
NTA. That money was never meant for her. It would have gone directly for things for the grandchildren, to improve their lives. You haven’t done anything wrong.
It amazes me the amount of children who automatically assume they have any rights to their parents money. My parents told me they were going to use their money to enjoy retirement and travel. I say more power to my parents! It’s not my money. This specific $350K wasn’t the daughter’s money. It’s so greedy of her to assume she has any right to it.