Husband asks if he should feel guilty paying someone to do his household chores.
If you were in a financial position to be able to pay someone to do the things you didn't want to do, would you do it?
'AITA for hiring people to do my chores?'
I M42 work out of town. I work 14 days in a row for 12 hours a day. On the last day I actually only work 6 but they pay us for the full day on the day we fly home.
I earn pretty good money and I like to enjoy my days off. My wife (32F) on the other hand is a teacher. And for whatever reason she feels the need to stay busy.
Before we got married I had a cleaning lady and I had a meal prep service for the days I didn't just eat out. I would also take a mini vacation every other week off.
For example I would fly home Thursday, see my parents on Friday, then go to Vegas until Tuesday then fly back to work Thursday.
When we got married I tried to keep my cleaning service but I was convinced it was a waste since she would be home those two weeks and she would keep the house tidy.
I agreed. But it didn't turn out that way. She would leave some chores for me. Which is fine. Before I started living on my own I had to do cleaning and cooking and laundry at my parents' home.
But it started being more and more. Then we had kids and now it's even more.
My wife chose to stay home with the kids. Which once again is fine. We can afford it and once both kids are in school next fall, she is going back to work.
The problem is that my kids are tiny little nightmares. They can walk into a clean living room and walk out five minutes later leaving it a crime scene.
I would be coming home to a mess. No bueno. So I hired a service to clean. ALL THE TIME. Not just for when I'm home. And I got one of the meal delivery services for three meals a week while I'm gone and four when I'm in town.
I cook the other two meals. And I do the dishes. Well I put the dishes in the machine and put them way afterwards.
My wife keeps saying that I should be doing all that work and that I'm kind of an a**hole for throwing money at my chores instead of doing them myself. But she also looks less exhausted and is happier. I'm also happier not having to clean up after myself and the three of them.
I still do all the yard work when I'm home, which is minor because my service does the mowing and stuff while I'm gone.
So am I the a**hole for paying someone to do my chores instead of doing them myself.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Domestic cleaning services exist because some people need them and can afford them.
So NTA. You need to rest as well.
I'm really struggling to see things from your wife's point of view here.
You can afford it. It makes life more pleasant for you both and for your children and it seems as though you've gone out of you way to make it work. You have recognised the gaps and have put plans in place to fill them. The result should be that you all have a happier, less stressful life with more free time to spend on one another and the children.
And yet, your wife thinks you should do more.
My guess is this is coming from a place where your wife, despite it being her decision, isn't always happy being stay at home mom. Perhaps she sees your extremely fair work schedule and well remunerated pay package and feels some resentment over it. Perhaps she feels it should 'hurt more' for you the way she feels it hurts her?
Whatever the reason, it needs a full and frank, cards on the table discussion with her. This isn't about you paying for services, this is something far deeper than that IMO. NTA.`
NTA. If I ever get married, and can afford it, I will be having a similar arrangement. I would rather enjoy my time off with my friends and family.
NTA. As a SAHP, it should be your wife's responsibility to clean the house and make the meals, as well as caring for the kids. If she can't/won't do that, then it's entirely reasonable to hire those services out if you're financially able to do so.
It sounds like your wife doesn't feel like you're contributing enough to the household labor, but that may be just her perception because you're gone so much. There's a strong possibility that these issues will intensify once she returns to work. Going to work and then going home to care for kids is exhausting. I recommend that you increase the meal services when she goes back to work.
NTA. Not only are you helping you and your wife have a little bit of ease in your married life, and I would recommend pointing out that she does seem a little bit happier, you're also helping other people stay employed and have a job. So maybe explain it to your wife in that way and she will be less annoyed by it.