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Man refuses to help new GF financially, she says 'you don't know what it's like.' AITA?

Man refuses to help new GF financially, she says 'you don't know what it's like.' AITA?


Money runs everything, and sadly, that can apply to relationships too.

Navigating a wage gap in a romantic relationship requires honesty, understanding, empathy, and a lack of entitlement. This is unfortunately harder than it sounds.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for not helping his GF financially.

He wrote:

AITA for not supporting my girlfriend financially?

For context: I (24 m) have been in a relationship with my first girlfriend (29 f) for about a month now (I know her roughly since the middle of april) and she struggles financially as she is currently without a job to take care of her mental health, while I just finished my master’s degree last year and now have a Job at a big firm that pays very well for my age.

She told me today that she has no money left for the rest of the months and asked me to lend her money so that she can buy groceries and really has no options left. I know that she tends to spend money on stuff she wants instead of stuff she needs (like clothing or cosmetics over food) as she both showed me that since we knew each other and seems to not take advice on that matter.

So I felt uncomfortable just giving her money. So we agreed on a compromise she suggested that we go shopping together and I just pay for the groceries. A few hours later she calls me and says that she talked with her friends about the situation and is now pissed at me that I 'treat her like a child who can’t take care of herself“ (real quote).

And she also thinks I am an AH because I forced that on her and says I make her feel bad because I‘m going on vacation soon (I worked a lot of overtime the last few months and wanted to relax, I also booked the vacation before I knew how much she is struggling currently).

She also tells me I don’t know understand how she feels and says that I don’t know the real world as I still live with my mother (I know that and she knows I am actively searching for my own place to rent right now). So I want to know: am I the AH in this situation?

Redditors had lots of thoughts about OP's girlfriend.

Elenardb wrote:

NTA. It sounds like you came up with a solution that would make you feel more comfortable and still meet her needs. She just doesn't like it because as you stated she probably wants to spend the money elsewhere.

JeepersCreepers74 wrote:

NTA. Dude, time to look for your second girlfriend. This one is asking for your money ONE month into your relationship and attempting to verbally ab*se you into giving her free reign with it. You're not a boyfriend, you're just her latest target. Move on.

Due_Consequence1 wrote:

Uh no NTA. Dump the girl. She needs to figure out her life and how to manage her finances. The relationship is way too new for all of this and her attitude is unacceptable. She clearly has toxic friends with equally immature ways of thinking. Save yourself the headache and don’t get sucked any further into that money pit.

Heloise_Morris wrote:

NTA An unemployed woman you have dated for a month is hitting you up for money and complaining you won't hand her cash. Walk away. Plenty of people struggle with mental illness and manage to work and pay their bills. It's time to cut your losses and walk away.

raptone50 wrote:

NTA. You bought her groceries and now she's blaming you for not giving her no-questions-asked cash instead? That's a huge red flag. If she's this demanding this early in the relationship, it's only going downhill from here. You need to let her go.

OP is definitely NTA, but sadly, it sounds like he's be better off fully cutting his losses with this new girlfriend.

Sources: Reddit
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