Woman tells husband to stop eating his packed lunch as midnight snack. UPDATED
Budgeting as a couple can be really stressful, particularly if you naturally have different spending habits. The only way to keep the peace and really work through financial hurdles is to talk through every scenario, even when it's frustrating.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for telling her husband to stop eating his work lunch at night. She wrote:
"AITA for asking my husband to not eat lunch at night?"
We're a one-income family. We have a 10-year-old and baby who's under a year old. I don't/can't work due to health/chronic pain issues. My husband works full time usually 35-40 hours a week. When I cook dinner, I make enough so my husband has leftovers to take to work the next day. He has the habit of eating what's supposed to be his lunch as a large night-time snack before bed.
We have plenty of stuff he can snack on or heat up that's not his lunch for the next day. Then he ends up eating out instead and he hates fast food so he spends $20-$25 on lunch each day he eats his lunch as a snack. This adds up and makes money tighter for us. I get its his income but it's affecting the entire family.
I've asked him to not eat his lunch as a snack but he says he loves my cooking and can't help it and I should feel complimented he enjoys it so much. I do appreciate he likes what I cook so much, but I also like knowing our bills will all be paid and we can afford gas, groceries, household supplies, and stuff for the kids without being in the red each week. AITA?
Not long after making the original post, OP jumped on with a clarifying update to give internet commenters more context:
Edit: if I make more for dinner he will have 3rd/4th helpings. I do the grocery shopping and try to get everything I can on his snack list, he will still eat his lunch as a snack. Hubby is a recovering g@mbling addict and currently owes $100k in back taxes that I'm trying to also budget to pay towards each month.
He currently works in retail making around $40k a year. He has a masters in economics and used to make $200k+ but some bad decisions in life messed that up and he ended up in legal trouble and can no longer work in his former industry.
People had plenty to say about OP's quandary.
IamIrene wrote:
NTA. Having been in this position, the only thing that worked was sitting my husband down and actually showing him the numbers. Say he's eating out 3 x's a week, that's $60 - $75 dollars per week, or $240 - $300 per month! $2,880 - $3,600 per year!
Gurl...that's a family vacation. That's he's EATING! That's a full month's (or more) rent/mortgage! Simply because he won't save dinner leftovers for lunch and stop eating out. Lay out the actual cost of his snacking and give him a reality shock. It might help put things in perspective for him. Good luck!
SaorsaAgusDochas wrote:
Wow you really buried the lede here with the fact that this man owes $100,000 in back taxes and had a previous gambling addiction. There is absolutely zero reason he should be eating out with that much debt owed. Jesus in a Prius.
Also he should learn some self-control. All these suggestions of portioning out 2 meals…just no. This grown-a$$ man needs to learn to restrain his impulsivity and leave his homemade lunch alone. NTA.
ParsimoniousSalad wrote:
NTA. Your husband is being irresponsible. And it's both of your money because you are caring for the children and household for both of you just as he is caring for the income for all of you. Come up with a solution together.
Either make more food when you cook and portion out 2 "lunches' worth" for the fridge, or (if he just enjoys eating out) plan for the whole family to enjoy going out much less often than his every day, or learning not to eat huge amounts at night before bed, or something else.
EDIT: and maybe you should take over management of the finances and set a budget?
SomethingClever70 wrote:
Oh, OP, you buried the lede on this one. You’re sweating the 2,000-3,000 he spends on lunches in a year, when you gloss over the heavy debt, his gambling and the job loss due to “bad decisions“ (like maybe embezzlement?). The problem isn’t simply his eating habits or poor planning.
He’s a complete and total train wreck, and you have decided to stick with him. It won’t get better. I’d run like the wind. NTA, but please get therapy and a good divorce lawyer.
Ok_Conversation9750 wrote:
NTA. Ask him to keep an accurate tally for one week of how much he spends eating lunches out. I'd bet he'd be surprised. Then tell him to multiply that amount by 4. That's approximately what he's spending in a month. Then show him what your monthly bills/expenses come to and ask him which of those you should not pay so that he can continue buying lunches.
OP is NTA here, it sounds like she's stuck in a deeply stressful marriage.