Woman with $200k income won't let homeless brother's family stay with her and husband.

Figuring out when to help a family member and when to draw a boundary can be really hard.

On one hand, what's the point of having resources if you can't use them to help your loved ones? On the other hand, there can be a thin line between helping someone and enabling them, and not all family is genuinely loving.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for refusing to house her brother's family after they got evicted.

She wrote:

AITA for never helping my older siblings out and letting my brother and his kids be homeless?

My family is in a big divide about this so I was hoping I could get an unbiased perspective. I am the youngest of four siblings, by far. I am 22F and my husband is 26M. My siblings are 30F, 32M, 33M. Between the three of them, they have a combined 14 children. They all have multiple children.

None of them went to college, and they all work lower-paying entry-level jobs. I graduated last year (I started college in highschool) and I work as a nurse. My husband works on planes but I don’t want to say what he does specifically. Our household income is about 200k, and the average where we live is about 80k I think. This is all relevant.

My parents like to host big family functions for every holiday and they bring the whole family together. Ever since I was a teenager my siblings have always asked me for favors, mostly to babysit. I did it for a while when I was around 16, but quickly realized they didn’t appreciate anything and there was nothing in it for me so I stopped.

For the past 6 years, I’ve had the “don’t ask me for anything” stance, since my siblings are the type to ask for favors but never offer to help you need it. They always borrow money from our parents but never pay it back. My oldest brother is getting evicted, and asked if him and his girlfriend and their four kids could stay with me and my husband. My husband and I own a 4 bed 2 bath home.

I told them no because they have a habit of settling in somewhere and not paying rent and refusing to leave. They also let their four kids absolutely destroy every rental they live in, coloring on the walls, holes in the walls, etc. My brother and his girlfriend are pissed at me, and they blew up at us at my mother's birthday party last week.

They’re going to have to stay at a shelter and they’re saying it’s my fault, but I think it’s their own lack of responsibility. My other two siblings chimed in agreeing with my brother, and they think I’m a sucky a**hole. I think that my siblings suck and I don’t want my house getting torn up by their heathens. I know that if I let them move in I’d end up having the evict them, and they wouldn’t pay for anything at all.

I think it’s not fair that they always ask me for money because I make more money than they do, and they treat my husband and I like we’re some kind of upper-class snobs because we worked hard and made good choices in life to be able to buy a house early. AITA for not helping my siblings? Specifically my brother I guess.

Update: I’m offering to pay for everyone to get a vasectomy/ tubes tied this Christmas and giving my brother enough money to cover the red roof inn for a week. That’s it. All I’m doing for anyone and they better not call me ever because I’m not answering.

People shared their assessments of the situation.

mizfit0416 had a pressing question:

NTA - why can't your other brothers or sister take them in? Why is this your responsibility?

OP jumped in to answer:

All my siblings stance on this is because my husband and I are the only ones with room. We use one bedroom to sleep in, one as a home gym, and two as home offices. My other two siblings are stuffing up to four kids a room, and have no way of making it work. I still don’t think it’s my responsibility though.

ArchyDWolf asked some other crucial questions:

The title had me so ready to call you TA. Homelessness is an awful thing, especially for kids. Your brother's attitude however, has managed to overcome that. Your brother acts entitled, takes no responsibility, and causes trouble. It would be one thing if he couldn't pay for rent, but was at least keeping his kids in order. Instead, he just trashes places?

Presumably, he's getting evicted for having trashed their current place. I feel like the shelter bit is an attempt at manipulation. Wouldn't he just go to your parents or in-laws? I feel bad for his kids, but maybe a wake-up call will get him to do better. NTA.

And OP wrote a comment with further clarification:

None of our relatives have the room to take them in, that or they aren’t willing to. They used to stay with his girlfriends parents but she had to change the locks while they were gone to get them out. They actually will be going to a shelter, and I do feel bad. But I hope my brother takes this as a lesson to pay the bills instead of blowing his money on stupid s**t like vapes and tattoos.

Keenzur asked why OP's parents don't step in:

NTA

'They also let their four kids absolutely destroy every rental they live in, coloring on the walls, holes in the walls, etc.'

That's all you need to stay. You are not responsible for their lack of responsibility. They bred like rabbits, and they don't respect property or respect you.

Why won't your parents take them in?

OP revealed why:

Our parents recently downsized to a two bedroom with a big outdoor space, and their second bedroom is used to keep my mothers African grey parrot.

whenitrainsitpours4 wrote:

NTA.

'My other two siblings chimed in agreeing with my brother, and they think I’m a sucky a**hole.'

Are they jumping to help? No? Then their opinion is irrelevant. Your older siblings are a joke. I have siblings 11 and 13 years younger. I would be embarrassed and ashamed if I had to ask my baby sister to help keep a roof over me and my kids' heads. You are absolutely right that if you entertain this bulls**t, they're going to trash your house and make your life hell.

If they are homeless, that isn't your fault. You had nothing to do with their choices or circumstances that led to that.

Despite the complicated position OP's brother is in, OP is in fact NTA. Hopefully, for the sake of the kids, a long-term solution is reached.