Nothing shakes up the dinner conversation quite like the mention of an inheritance. What was once a chill, low-stakes time, is now imbued with the intensity of class connotations.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her husband the inheritance they're getting from her grandparents should go to her sister's kids if anything happens. She wrote:
I (31F) came into a VERY good amount of money once my grandmother passed away last month. We are still sorting out the details of taxes and retirement, and so on. Just for some background, both my parents and grandparents owned fairly successful companies and made my husband (33m) sign a prenuptial agreement when we got married.
My husband was fine with it at the time and for the most part still is. Now that some of that money is starting to come to us via my grandma's death, things got a bit weird. We don't have kids and are still kind of on the fence about if we actually want them in the future. However, my sister has twin boys and I love them dearly. I'm extremely close with my sister but not so much the rest of my family.
My husband has 3 nephews and 2 nieces on his side, and I'm not very close with any of his family. We get along, but I just would consider us friendly. Not close. We were talking about wills to make sure we have everything in order in case anything happens to us. I mentioned that, even though we have a prenup, I'd like to try to find a way for him to get as much as possible.
Then I mentioned, if we don't have kids, I would also like a chunk to go to my sister's boys and any other children she may have for college or a house. He became very standoffish and asked about his side. Mentioning it wouldn't be exactly fair to not leave any of the inheritance to them. I said I understood where he's coming from, but we aren't close with them and this money was given to my family.
He says I'm being selfish for not including them, but he does see where I'm coming from. He's been making some comments about how he still doesn't think it's fair and now I'm starting to think I'm a jerk for even mentioning it. I don't know, am I the AH?
NTA. He can share his share of the inheritance if he wants them to have anything.
NTA. If something had happened to you and you had died before your grandmother would she have left this money to your husband or would she have given your share to your sister and her children? I work in a job that occasionally receives valuable donations and a large part of that is making sure to honor and prioritize the donor's intent over whatever the current needs of the organization are.
While the money is ultimately yours, I think it's fair to remind your husband that your grandparents worked hard to secure a better future for their family and it's important to you that you honor their wishes by making sure that money stays within their family should something happen to you.
NTA. You can always do a post-nup. Why should your inheritance go to your husband's family as opposed to yours? For now, put the inheritance in an account under your name only with your nephews as beneficiaries. Make sure that's reinforced in your will. And tell hubby if he gets an inheritance, he is free to do the same.
NTA. It's like passing family heirlooms outside the family. My husband has an old pipe from his great-grandfather. he can emotionally associate this pipe with someone he loved. But if this pipe had gone to the nephew of the wife's great-grandfather's son, then that nephew would look at the pipe today and think, "I got this pipe from some old guy I didn't know. It can actually go in the trash."
The money comes from your family, so it should stay there. Your husband himself becomes part of your family through marriage. but not his nieces and nephews.
NTA. Your grandmother's money should stay in the family and goes to HER relatives (which is what you want and it's your money) or you and OP use some of it for the two of you. His family has no inherent right to any of it. That he would think they do means you were right to get a pre-nup.
His attitude is a red flag. Avoid telling him you want to give him as much money as possible. Don't put his name on the money. And don't make him the executor of your estate -- he'll favor his family over yours.
And if you want to arrange it so some money does flow to him when you die, that money needs to be in a trust for him to use for x purposes and then goes to your family at his death. Only a trust will ensure the money flows as you intended. (A trust is important because they're kids.)
More info: I do need to look at the prenup again. I know the main reason for it was to keep my share of the family business in the family. I know there's a clause in there about him not having them, even if I die. My parents mentioned another trust they have set aside for me but I'm not sure exactly the terms.
If I die before I get that though, my husband would not receive any money from it. That's more of why I'm trying to get around it as much as I can. My sister, along with all the other grandchildren, also got a very inheritance from my grandparents.
I want to state again, I want to leave the bulk of the money to my husband and some to my nephews. We are still in the beginning stages of all of this, so I apologize for not having a ton of details.
It sounds like the internet agrees: she is definitely NTA here.