Woman refuses to pay BF more rent after getting raise. He says 'you're ripping me off.'

Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in long-term relationships.

Figuring out how to split expenses, budget for emergencies, and respect each other's financial differences requires a lot of open communication and uncomfortable honesty.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not wanting to pay her boyfriend more rent now that she's making more.

She wrote:

AITA for not wanting to spit expenses proportional to income?

I live with my boyfriend in a flat he owns (fully paid off, his father gave it to him) The whole building was built 6 years ago and it's in a very popular area.

I pay my boyfriend half of the market rate rent, which we update every year by looking how much the flats are being rented out for in the building complex. Which is a lot of money, but I agreed to it. Other than this, we did everything else 50-50 in the past.

I got a new job with a significant pay increase and now my boyfriend says we should start splitting expenses proportional to income, because that's fair.

I told him I don't think it's fair that I should start paying for more, just because I got a new job and nothing else changed. I already pay him rent - enough rent that would get me a same-sized flat a few streets away - so it's more than fair to him.

He made some -in my opinion very weak- arguments and accused me of ripping him off. That's when I told him that under no circumstances we will split expenses proportional to income.

Now that I've calmed down a bit, I'm worried whether I'm in the wrong. Especially since my best friend told me that this is how they do it with her boyfriend too and my boyfriend owning the flat is irrelevant here. AITA?

People were quick to give their two cents.

isimplysay wrote:

NTA. I’d tell him you’re okay splitting expenses proportional to income, but rent isn’t an expense you guys have to pay, so you’ll no longer be paying him rent.

Sust-fin wrote:

NTA. He was already a borderline a**hole charging you full market rate, which implies a profit for him. This shows his true character and it is not good.

kit0000033 wrote:

Why are you paying rent to him if there is no mortgage payment or rent due? You're just giving him free money. I say this as someone who owns a house outright and has my SO living with me. They don't pay rent.

I wouldn't dream of charging rent to them when I don't have to pay anything. We split property taxes twice a year and that's it. Your boyfriend is using you. He's a damn leach.

Far-Cup9063 wrote:

NTA at all. Consider this analogy. When figuring out child support in my state, each spouse’s income is totaled up to see what proportion of child support each pays.

AND if one spouse receives FREE HOUSING as part of their job, the value of that is calculated into their income.

So your boyfriend’s income is whatever he earns in his job, PLUS the full market value of his housing. That means the full monthly rental value. You pay him half that value already, so he has to add that, plus his half, as “income”. That‘s how we do it here. But free yourself from this brat and get your own place.

chinsnbirdies wrote:

NTA. He owns the unit outright. He doesn’t have to pay a mortgage or rent. I could see splitting utilities, upkeep, taxes, etc 50/50 since you both live there, but you paying 50% of the market rate for rent is just him taking your money.

Does your BF work, or are you his source of income?

traumablades wrote:

Why are you paying rent for a fully paid off living space? That's f*cking weird, your boyfriend sucks.

The chorus of 'dump him' is pretty loud here.