Woman finally has enough when 'rancid' MIL ruins her baby shower; 'we're done.'
"MIL baby shower drama"
bigfatgoalie_monica
This is long I’m sorry. For context : this is the first grandchild on either side of the family. I have a single mom and am an only child. He is 1 of 4, parents are still together. His parents winter in FL from January-April.
History of his parents neglecting or forgetting him his whole life. Legitimately forgot him at sporting events numerous times. Pay for and buy things for other kids but not him.
They dismissed us when we called them to tell them about our engagement. Nothing out right vicious but noteworthy poor behaviour. He makes light of all the slights because they’re his parents.
We made a trip to FL specifically to tell them in person which cost us several thousand dollars (no problem, he was so excited to tell them despite how they reacted to our engagement). We told FIL it was a girl he said “well that’s okay” as if we weren’t thrilled.
Then later told SO we should try for a boy to “put the stem on the apple”. While in FL my MIL said “your mom and I have to throw you a baby shower”. I took this to mean she wanted to host with my mom.
Shower date is May 11 and so we tried to coordinate with her via text while she was in FL but every time she would dismiss us and say “we can discuss it when I get home” which is very dismissing for a 60 year old to say to another 60 year old.
The hall and dessert cart had to be booked 10 weeks in advance so my mom booked them after not hearing back from my MIL. we all met for dinner this week to go over final plans and the menu options.
My mom asked her in person again what she thought of the dessert selection she’d text her and MIL said “oh I didn’t look at them”. Afterward, my mom texted her and provided a cost break down and asked if she wanted to split it 50/50. She never replied.
My husband went over to her house and she said she didn’t reply because she was angry that she “didn’t have a say” and she “didn’t agree with having the desserts catered”.
She was also mad that my grandparents had purchased the stroller from our registry and that we already bought a crib, and that she didn’t want to look at our registry.
I tried to reach out to explain things and asked her if she wanted to talk but she’s ignoring my and my husband's attempts to reach out. I feel like the day is so tarnished because of her behavior.
The total bill would’ve been 750 (CAD) each for her and my mother so nothing extravagant, especially for her who makes 2-3X more than us. (She makes roughly 180K to my own mother’s 54k). But it’s not even about the money it’s just her ugly attitude and trying to make this about herself.
If she didn’t insist on throwing the shower with my mom this wouldn’t be an issue but she adamantly wanted to “give me a baby shower” so we tried to include her even putting her name on the invitations as host. Is this typical MIL behavior or am I in for trouble once the baby comes?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
MelodyRaine
Okay, your MIL is a rancid twit. Question is does your husband want to keep the peace or is he okay with calling this all out before your daughter becomes the next forgotten child/scapegoat in his family tree?
Option one: You keep the peace by dropping the rope, PIL have nothing beyond bare minimum contact with you and even less with baby. Your husband can deal with them alone.
And if they complain he can inform them that these are the consequences of years of treating you all like afterthoughts. That if they want more, they need to show it with apologies and improved behavior.
Option two: "MIL you were given every opportunity to be involved with the baby shower planning and all that it entails, but you refused to do anything until you 'came back from Florida' despite knowing the time constraints we were under.
Every time we asked your opinion you stated quite plainly you never even bothered to look at anything in order to have an opinion to share. The only person you have to blame your hurt feelings on is your own self.
Actually, if we're being perfectly honest, this isn't the first time your behavior as a mother, mother-in-law, and now a grandmother-to- be has been underwhelming. You have been consistent in showing everyone exactly where we stand in your life, which is last place, and when it comes to LO it will not be tolerated.
So to protect ourselves and our child, we have no choice but to be done with you. Honestly it should involve almost no change in our lives since you've never been there to begin with. May you have everything in life you deserve, but from here on out that will involve nothing from us. Goodbye."
Mysterious-Region640
lol, “rancid twit”, my new favourite insult.
Lisa_Knows_Best
Stop bothering. They won't even notice. Have your shower with your loved ones and forget about the ILs. Maybe, maybe they'll realize after you've had your daughter that they FU. Maybe.
The OP responded here:
bigfatgoalie_monica
The less contact the better at this point.
JJOkayOkay
Sounds like your husband needs some therapy to un-learn the habit of trying to please these people who have never deserved his efforts. He has a family who loves him now. He should distance himself from the one that neglected him. And, separate from that, you should drop the rope. Stop trying, if they refuse to meet you halfway.
Mermaidtoo
You are not overreacting at all. Your in-laws treat your husband like a scapegoat while he works hard to redeem himself and get their positive attention. In this case, your MIL is actively working to create conflict so she can justify how poorly she treats your husband and you.
You may suggest that your husband get some therapy to help him break this pattern. Your in-laws want to reject and be chased. Don’t accept how your MIL is acting and don’t cater to her.
If she refuses to split costs with your mother before the shower happens, then respond appropriately. At the shower, make it a point to thank your mother for all the money and work she contributed. Then thank your MIL for attending. Leave it at that. If she takes offense, so be it. Don’t play her game.