Woman 'creeped out' when MIL buys her husband a wedding ring. AITA? UPDATED
"MIL bought my husband a wedding ring."
ThrowawayWedQ123
Hello fellow redditors!! I am not sure if I am reading too much into this so please let me know if I am. My relationship with my MIL is not great but we are trying to work on building a relationship with healthy boundaries.
Anyway today my husband came home with a solid Platinum wedding band. He said his mother bought it as a surprise for him because 'he wouldn't have spent the money on it himself' and ' its nice to have matching wedding rings'.
My rings are Platinum because I can only wear certain metals as I am allergic. My husband's current wedding ring is ceramic as he did not want a metal one and can not wear metal while at work.
We haven't even been married for three months so it's not like she bought it to replace his ceramic one that had years of wear on it. I just don't get it.
Maybe I'm reading into it but this weirds me out on another level. Meanwhile my husband thinks it was a nice gift even though he won't use it nor did he want a metal ring.
Edit: OMG! I completely forgot, he straight up asked her if she was buying him a back up ring a few weeks ago as she was acting weird about getting his ring size, which of course she denied.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the initial post:
Body_More
Creepy. I hope he leaves it permanently in the ring box it came in and hides it in the dresser. Or sell it!
This-Ad-2281
So, I'm a mother of adult sons, and a grandmother. I think it's very out of line and downright creepy to buy your son a wedding band!
Some MILs on this sub have insisted that their sons buy them a ring after they proposed to their fiancee. 'If my little boy buys his fiancee a ring, then he must buy his mommy one too.' This MIL is right up there with these women.
I'd recommend that DH return the ring to her. If she won't accept that, then have a jeweler make something else from it. Getting a wedding ring from your mother is just a big Hell NO.
Disastrous_cause985
Sells it and buy OP something with the money! MIL would love that.
Whipster20
OP, show your DH the comments on here so he can see how it is viewed as creepy! Your MIL is engaging in yet another power play!
Wait till MIL brings up that DH isn't wearing his 'platinum wedding ring', you'll have to shut her down with he doesn't have another wedding ring, he only has the ceramic one he wants. Ask her if she has some secret fantasy to be married to her son!
Disastrous_cause985
Your husband returns the ring. 'Mom, the only wedding band I'll wear is the one my wife purchased for me. Return this ring for a refund.'
Two days later the OP returned with an update.
'Update: MIL bought my husband a wedding ring'
ThrowawayWedQ123
Hi everyone, thank you so much for all of your input. Some of you gave me different perspectives that I had not even considered. Now on to the update.
The ring has been returned. After calling it weird and not saying much beyond that, hubby went to bed. He woke up earlier than me the next morning and couldn't sleep so he started reading some of the comments on here.
Only then did he realize he was looking at it as more of a gift vs. what the gift actually was. He was confused when he received it but didn't know what to say and was partially distracted so he took it and left.
After considering what the gift really was, he then decided to give it back to her. She told him that she just wanted him to have something nice that matched mine and that it was just a ring.
She told him that she did something similar for his brother EXCEPT she did it for both his brother and his fiance. Meanwhile they are not married only engaged.
She never once mentioned this prior to us picking out our wedding bands and it was only after she had seen his ring that she started asking questions (2 days after our ceremony).
He told her he already has a ring, one that we picked out together and exchanged at our ceremony. That it has a special meaning and by giving him this other ring he feels like she is saying it is not good enough for him.
And that was about it, he said she seemed upset and confused because she was looking at it as if it was a piece of jewelry. He told her if it was anything else that doesn't hold as much meaning than it would be different.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this update:
pandora840
Please tell your husband that this internet stranger is massively fucking impressed that he put in the mental work and thought processes to see why this was an inappropriate gift.
Also huge respect to both of you for working through it in a healthy way and having each others emotional ‘backs’ as you navigated this. It sounds like you have a rock solid foundation for your lives together 💜
indicatprincess
Cheers for husband being so good about it!
Yes_I_Would_Kent
Good job! Pleased it was returned!
Hope you don't mind me asking but what happened with SIL's uninvited boyfriend? Did he turn up in the end? Hope you had a brilliant wedding day!
The OP responded here:
ThrowawayWedQ123
He thankfully did not show up. They broke up a little while after our wedding.
Penguin_Joy
This is such a wonderful update. If your DH can think this through and realize how inappropriate this is, he's definitely a keeper. Well done to both of you.
May your marriage be long and happy.
katehenry4133
I'm glad he took care of it. But, he needs to know that she knew exactly what she was doing. I had a friend who bought both her son and her DIL's wedding rings. But, she simply gave them the money to buy the rings and they picked them out themselves. It was her wedding gift to them. I'm pretty sure she would have considered it to be weird to actually pick out the rings herself.