"MIL cannot STAND to see me holding my daughter."
My MIL has the temperament and maturity of a seven year old, and that’s insulting to seven year olds tbh. Tantrums, cold shoulder, crying fits when she doesn’t get what she wants or if you say something that even slightly rubs her the wrong way, which can be anything.
She’s an absolute misery to be around and I avoid her at all costs, which used to be easy since she had zero interest in me and I don’t like her, but ever since I had my daughter she’s a lot harder to avoid. I’m basically just a barrier between her and my baby, so she will tolerate me for the sake of seeing her, but I know she just wants the baby to herself.
All her other grand kids are her daughter’s kids, so she is used to being able to get a lot more control when it comes to them, but this is her son’s first child, and since I’m basically the default parent who does mostly everything with my daughter, I call the shots, and she is not allowed to weasel her way in so easy.
I know she resents this heavily, and so she does everything she can to try get me out of the picture when she’s around. She cannot STAND me holding my daughter. When she visits she tries taking her out of my arms as soon as she’s in the door and won’t give her back until she’s gone.
I understand that may be normal for a grandparent who wants to see their grandchild, but in this case, it feels possessive. She also will never hand her back to me, only my husband, even when my daughter is trying to reach out to me.
A few weeks ago we were at her house because SIL was visiting out of state, every time she saw me with my daughter she’d try taking her out of my arms and saying “baby likes her mom too much”.
When she started fussing for me she’d try handing her off to basically everyone else in the room except me. We all went out shopping together and she was keeping baby to herself as usual, and when her arms got tired she handed her off to my husband.
I wanted to hold her, because y’know, she’s my daughter, and when MIL turned around and saw me holding her she whined “nooo, what are you doing with your mom”, and then started trying to take her out of my arms saying SIL wanted her.
I was very pissed at this point, and once I got my daughter back I was not handing her over again and made an excuse to leave. Before we left I was loving on my baby, kissing her and making her laugh, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see MIL just seething.
I mean, what a sea witch. Sorry but I’m not going to relinquish all access to my daughter when I’m around her just so she doesn’t get jealous. I have never seen her act this way with her daughters and their kids, so it’s definitely a thing against me.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I relate to this. What works best is actions not words. She comes to take baby with those grabby hands and no words when you arrive you tighten your grip and power through the front door, make her wait until you’re ready to pass over your baby or she asks politely.
When you want your baby back or she’s fussing, and mil palms her off to others, again don’t ask, just walk over to her like she does and take your child, if she resists than you should absolutely call her out, I will have my child back now, thank you.
Those comments about baby liking mum too much, lean into them and feed her insecurity, yes you’re right mil baby loves mummy best. Turn your back with the baby and over the top snuggle on her and walk with baby to other side of the room. But ultimately and I know it’s easier said than done your SO needs to keep that in check with his mother.
I could’ve written this myself. My MIL is exactly the same. She will actually complain that she hasn’t been able to eat her lunch because she has my son on her lap and “no one else will take him” because she doesn’t want to pass him back to me, who is sat waiting for my child back.
Unfortunately my son is very chill and doesn’t care really who he is sat with, but it’s just gross behaviour. The possessiveness makes me feel sick.
She takes your daughter from you because you allow it. Stop allowing it. When she reaches in, turn your body and say "She's good right now, thank you" and then move away from her. If you reach for your daughter and MIL won't give her back, get loud "MIL, give daughter to me please". Until you put her in her place, she's going to keep doing what she wants.
You need to set boundaries with MIL and your husband needs to grow a spine with his mommy. Start wearing your baby and when your mil begins making passive aggressive comments answer her with a question- what do you mean baby loves her mother too much? Why are you not letting me hold my baby?
I’m LO baby I would hold her whenever I want. OP you should go LC with MIL, because her actions scream : “I’m in charge of my grand baby, you are just an incubator”. It will only get worse at time goes by.
I would not let her hold my daughter ever again. I do not believe that grandchildren need to have a relationship with their grandparents if they are toxic and do not understand boundaries.
A grandparent who disrespects a parent should never be an allowed near the grandchild because it will eventually hinder their perspective and make them feel confused. Set your boundaries straight, even if your mil throws a fit. Tell her loud and clear that the child is yours to hold and love and anyone who believes otherwise is not wanted in your lives.
I think you need to use your words AND ask your husband to do the same - along with redirecting her to give you the baby. You: No, I'm holding her right now. I'll let you know when it's your turn.
When mom asks for the baby, you give me the baby. You seem to be unhappy when I hold my child. Is something wrong? Husband: Mom, give her the baby when she reaches for the baby. Mom, my wife wants to hold the baby. Hand the baby to her, not me.