'My mother-in-law cut my hair in my sleep because she thought I cheated on my husband.' UPDATED 3X
"My mother-in-law cut my hair in my sleep because she thought I cheated on my husband."
So, I’m still processing this, but I need to get it off my chest. Last night, I woke up and realized someone had butchered my hair. One side is a jagged pixie cut, and the other side hangs awkwardly past my shoulder.
At first, I thought I was losing my mind—maybe I sleepwalked or something—but no. I confronted my husband, Tim, because he’s been acting weird lately, but he denied it. Then he drops this bombshell: “My mom… she might’ve done it.”
Apparently, my MIL (let’s call her Diane) is convinced I’ve been cheating on Tim. Why? Because last week, she saw me having lunch with a coworker. For the record, the coworker (Kyle) is gay and we were literally talking about work.
But Diane decided I must be having an affair and, instead of, you know, talking to me or Tim, she broke into our house in the middle of the night with scissors and went full Edward Scissorhands on my hair.
This morning, I confronted her. At first, she played innocent, but when I pressed her, she literally said, “Well, maybe now you’ll think twice before humiliating my son!” I. Was. Fuming. I told her Kyle isn’t even into women, but she just rolled her eyes and said something like, “That’s what they all say.” I didn’t even know how to respond to that level of delusion.
Tim is horrified and apologetic, but I’m struggling here. This woman violated my personal space, destroyed my hair, and acted like she was in the right. I want to go no contact with her, but Tim is stuck between me and his mom, and I feel like this is going to be a huge blowup in our marriage. Any advice? Because I’m honestly at a loss here.
Edit: My husband and I will be going to my MIL tomorrow to talk to her about the situation again. Hopefully everyone will be calmed down by then and I won’t have to threaten legal action. Thank you for all the support and suggestions. I will keep them at mind.
Edit #2: To everyone saying this is fake— I wish with everything in me that this wasn't real. I wish I wasn't sitting here trying to figure out how to rebuild my life, how to ever trust someone again, or how to even face the people around me after this. I've barely eaten, l've been shaking all day, and I feel like my world is crumbling beneath me.
I turned to the internet because I didn't know where else to go. I needed advice, a sense of support, something to help me hold myself together. But these accusations? They're just making me feel even more alone. If you can't believe me, fine, but please don't make this harder than it already is. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.
The OP then returned with an update.
My mother-in-law cut my hair in my sleep because she thought I cheated on my husband—and now I found out my husband helped her. After the conversation we had with Diane this morning, I noticed my husband, Tim, was acting… weird.
At first, I thought it was just guilt about standing up to his mom, but it felt like more than that. He’s been avoiding eye contact and getting defensive when I bring up what happened. Earlier, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I sat him down and told him he needed to be 100% honest with me about everything.
That’s when he dropped the bombshell. Apparently, Diane didn’t come up with the haircut idea on her own. Tim admitted that he knew about it ahead of time—and even helped her.
I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. He said he truly thought I was cheating on him with Kyle (my gay coworker) because Diane had convinced him that there was “too much evidence to ignore.” When she suggested cutting my hair as some kind of weird “punishment,” he didn’t stop her. In fact, he let her into our house that night while I was sleeping.
Tim said he didn’t want to confront me directly because he “wasn’t ready for the truth.” So instead, he let his mother do this insane thing to me, thinking it would “force me to come clean.” Afterward, when I didn’t admit to cheating, he started to realize he might’ve been wrong, but by then, he didn’t know how to tell me what he’d done.
He kept saying, “I’m so sorry, I was just confused,” but I honestly don’t know how to process this. This wasn’t just Diane acting like a lunatic—this was both of them, and my own husband betrayed me in one of the most humiliating ways possible.
I packed a bag and am staying with a friend tonight and while I figure out what to do. I don’t know if I can ever trust Tim again after this. It’s not just the haircut; it’s the fact that he didn’t talk to me, believed the worst about me without any proof, and actively participated in something so cruel and violating.
As for Diane, she’s officially dead to me. I’ve already told Tim that I don’t want her in my life ever again, regardless of what happens between us. Right now, I’m torn. Part of me wants to file a police report on both of them for what they did, but I’m scared of how messy it will get. Another part of me just wants to cut ties and move on, but that feels like letting them off too easy.
I don’t know what my next step is, but I do know this: I deserve better than this. Thank you to everyone who has supported me through this. Your comments and advice have meant the world, and I'm truly grateful for the kindness and understanding. It's helping me find the strength to figure out what comes next.
The OP then returned with another update.
I think I’m going to divorce him, and I may file a police report. After everything that’s happened, I’ve been thinking a lot about my next steps, and I’ve come to a heartbreaking but necessary conclusion: I don’t think there’s any coming back from this.
I trusted Tim with my heart, my safety, my life—and he betrayed me in ways I never thought possible. I can’t imagine a future where I feel safe with him, where I can trust him, or where I don’t carry the weight of this violation every day.
I’m strongly considering filing for divorce. The thought of staying with him feels unbearable, but at the same time, I can’t stop worrying about the messiness of it all. I just want to cut ties completely, to walk away and rebuild my life without him or his mother dragging me down any further.
As for filing a police report, I’m leaning toward it, but I’m scared of what it might bring. I know what they did was a crime—my own husband let his mother into our home to assault me in my sleep.
But the thought of dealing with legal battles, or even just having to relive this again and again in statements, is exhausting. Part of me wants to hold them accountable, but another part just wants to run far away and never look back.
Right now, I’m taking it one step at a time. I’ve been talking to friends, trying to find some clarity in all this chaos. It’s terrifying and painful, but I know one thing for sure: I deserve so much better than this. Thank you to everyone who has shown me kindness and support—it means the world to me right now.
The OP then returned with an update.
I’ve contacted a lawyer and decided to press charges. I just wanted to give an update after everything that’s happened. After spending the last couple of days trying to process everything, I finally made some concrete decisions.
First, I contacted a divorce lawyer. I explained the entire situation, including what my husband admitted to and how his mother violated my trust and personal safety. The lawyer was very supportive and walked me through the process of filing for divorce. While it feels daunting, I know this is the best decision for me. I can’t see a future where I could ever trust my husband again after what he allowed to happen.
Second, I decided to press charges against my mother-in-law. I’ve filed a police report for assault, and I’ve documented everything—photos of my hair, text messages, and the timeline of events.
While I’m still nervous about how messy this could get, I refuse to let her get away with what she did. What she did wasn’t just humiliating; it was an act of violence, and she needs to be held accountable for it.
As for my husband, I’ve made it clear that I’m done. I’ve moved out and will not be returning. I’ve blocked his mother entirely and am limiting any communication with him to legal matters only.
I’m still scared, hurt, and figuring things out, but I feel a little more empowered now that I’ve taken these steps. Thank you to everyone who has offered me advice, support, and encouragement. It’s helped me more than you know.
This is still far from over, but I’m determined to move forward and build a better future for myself. I’ll keep you updated as things progress.
The OP then returned with advice regarding her conversation with her husband.
I’m going through an incredibly traumatic situation, and I don’t know what my legal options are. My mother-in-law entered my home in the middle of the night, with my husband’s knowledge, and cut my hair while I was sleeping. She did this because she believed I was cheating (I wasn’t).
I confronted my husband, and while he didn’t outright admit to planning this, he essentially confessed to knowing what his mom intended to do and letting her into our house that night.
I’m planning to leave him and am seriously considering filing both a police report for assault (on my MIL) and a report against my husband for enabling her. 1. Would this conversation be enough to support filing a police report for what happened? 2. Could it help me in a divorce if I decide to pursue one? 3. Is it worth consulting a lawyer even if I’m not 100% sure about filing a report yet?
I’ve documented everything: photos of my hair, text messages with my husband, and written down the timeline of events. I just don’t know if this conversation would actually hold up as evidence since he doesn’t outright admit to anything but heavily implies it. Any advice is appreciated. I’m feeling lost, scared, and overwhelmed right now.
[Editor's Note: included in the post are two screenshots of text messages between OP and her husband. I have transcribed the conversation below.]
OP: Redacted I need you to be honest with me. Did you know what redacted was going to do?
Husband: I didn't think it would go this far.
OP: That is not an answer. Did you know she was planning to cut my hair?
Husband: She was upset, okay? She kept saying you needed to learn a lesson, but I didn't think she would actually do it.
OP: Learn a lesson?? Are you hearing yourself right now? She told you what she was going to do and you still let her in?
Husband: I thought maybe she'd cool down after talking to you.
OP: She told you she wanted to teach me about lesson by cutting my hair, and you thought it would be fine. Redacted, what is wrong with you??
Husband: I didn't know how to handle it, okay? She was so worked up, I didn't want to make things worse.
OP: Worse?? How could it possibly get worse?? You knew Redacted. You knew she was going to do it and you let her!
Husband: I didn't mean for it to happen like this.
OP: But it did happen. And now I'm sitting here humiliated, betrayed, and wondering how I'm supposed to ever trust you again.
Husband: I'm sorry I really am.
OP: Sorry doesn't fix this. Sorry doesn't make me feel safe in my own home anymore. I don't know who you are anymore. I need space to figure this out.
Husband: Redacted please just come home and we can talk about this
OP: No. You made your choice and now I have to make mine.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
This is underpants gnomes kinds of crazy. Catch daughter in law eating with another man.
Get son to help me cut her hair. ??? She admits to cheating.
Please report her. Terrifying.
evystevy (OP)
You’re right-it does feel like a form of assault, and I’ve been seriously considering reporting her. It’s not just about the hair; it’s the violation of my personal space and the sense of safety in my own home. I’m still weighing the pros and cons of escalating things legally, but comments like yours are helping me see how serious this is. Thank you for validating how terrifying it really was.
It’s pretty much set in stone that if she doesn’t face consequences for this literal crime, she will continue to act in such ways towards you unquestioned. Btw your husband is a sack of shit, what a useless dude.. With spouse like that, who needs enemies.
EDIT: I saw the update and if you don’t divorce AND press charges towards that man, who set you up to be assaulted like that, I need someone in your real life to sit you down and talk sense into you.
Why was his first thought "Maybe my mom did it?" Like why would a normal person's mind go there? Did he let her in? I'm sorry but if my spouse woke up with their hair butchered none of my thoughts would be that it could be my mom unless I knew or she had done that before to someone else I was with.
There is definitely more to that story. And if he isn't immediately on your side, sounds like you have a husband problem along with a MIL problem.