'My MIL planned a girls-only event on Father’s Day, and when I chose my husband over going, the petty behavior started rolling in.'
"My MIL planned a girls-only event on Father’s Day, and when I chose my husband over going, the petty behavior started rolling in."
So here’s what went down:
For the last week or so, my MIL had been planning a “sip n paint” event for 10am on Father’s Day. A girls-only thing.
I already thought that was weird, considering it’s literally the one day meant to celebrate dads. But they all have crappy baby daddies, so I guess that’s why they didn’t think twice.
But my husband? He is not that. He’s present. Loving. He works hard and shows up as a real partner and father every single day. I had reservations about going but was leaning toward attending just to keep the peace.
Fast forward to the morning of: my husband had been up since 4:30am after barely sleeping. He was exhausted. And while he initially didn’t want me to skip the event because he didn’t want to deal with the petty fallout, he eventually admitted:
“I would’ve actually loved to do something together today… but no one invited me.”
That hit me. So I made the call. I skipped the event. We took our boys to McDonald’s, let them play in the play place, and had a quiet breakfast together. It was simple, but it meant a lot to him.
Here’s where it gets shady:
We told MIL directly before we left that I wasn’t going. We explained why, because he hadn’t slept and we wanted to do something together as a family.
Then, while we’re literally eating and watching our boys play, I get a text from SIL:
“Girl you need to get out here. We planned this. Come outside.” (Spoiler: we weren’t even home.)
Either MIL didn’t tell her I wasn’t coming, or she played dumb like I never said anything so SIL would come after me. When I told her we were eating breakfast, she hit me with the driest “👍” response. Petty.
Later that day, we ran into SIL and their aunt at the store. I said “heyyy” when I saw them. Aunt greeted me, but SIL? She looked me dead in the face and turned away, full-on ignoring me. She didn’t realize my husband and the kids were walking up behind me.
My husband caught on right away. When he walked up and saw the way she tried to brush me off, he called her out immediately. She tried to play it off like “Oh, I didn’t see you,” and he hit her with:
“Even worse, you thought she was alone, and were still going to walk away?”
And the best part? When we got home, he looked at me and said:
“Don’t worry, honey. I see them for what they are. I’m going to start calling it out.”
Later he told me:
“Their men are shit fathers but I’m not. And them planning something like that on Father’s Day is just disrespectful.”
He’s grieving the reality of who his family is, but he’s also waking up. And for the first time, I feel like I’m not alone in this. I didn’t go to their little event. I didn’t feed the drama. I just chose my husband on his day. And if that pissed them off? Oh well. Let them stay mad.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
I would have marked this as a success.
Your husband sounds like a rock star. Good for him and good for you.
You got this. You've shown him that you're there for him, and he's done the same. Those Just Nos can wail and gnash their teeth.
throwawaylemonades (OP)
It’s just so draining dealing with it every single day. Then she made a FB post and didn’t post a single photo of us together. Just a faraway pic of me sitting in a chair with two other people at a table outside. So weird.
Seriously - block both of them on all social media. To channel Donald Sutherland (Kelly's Heroes) 'You don't need no negative waves. Feel them positive waves and you can do anything.'
Just trying to wrap my head around this. Your husband is her son, right? So her premise of men being crap includes her own offspring? You are best to steer clear of her.
I am proud of you and your husband for how you handled this situation. Bravo!!
MIL tried to make Father’s Day about herself, and now she’s mad it didn’t work. You chose the one decent man in that family over a wine-and-bitterness circle. Let 'em seethe. You did the right thing.
Glad you chose your husband and he saw the ugliness of their behavior. It will get worse, before it gets better. Just hold onto each other, maybe couples counseling to strengthen your bond and document/record the crazy your in-laws are about to unleash. Good luck.
Who 'sips' at 10:00 a.m.? good for you, supporting your children's father on the day set aside for just that.