Woman catches MIL secretly taking photos of her ID; husband won't help. UPDATED
"MIL went through my wallet and took pictures of my ID. Am I overreacting?"
I've just met MIL for the first time, we stayed at her house for 5 days. For context, she's been treating my partner as her surrogate partner, and he's aware of it it and trying to put boundaries. So I already knew that it wouldn't be easy.
She has been very competitive with me, and accusing us of going out and having nice dates (as if that was bad, but she would like to do those same plans with him instead). When he's there, she's extremely nice. The second he goes away, she starts making subtle rude or jealous comments.
Now, to what happened. She took some pictures of us, so she was showing me the pictures on her phone. As I was going trough her pictures, I saw a picture of my ID. She quickly put the phone away and went on without saying anything.
I was very surprised. The only explanation is that she went through my wallet when I was out, went through all my cards and took a picture of my ID. I don't know why.
She already has my full name. I can't think of any reason as to why she would need my id. I wanted to confront her, but for the sake of not creating an awkward situation for the last 2 days, we agreed that he would confront her once I left.
Now, I've left and still he hasn't confronted her. It might just be my ID, but I feel very disrespected that she even went through my purse and wallet.
I feel sad that he hasn't confronted her. If it had happened with my parents, I wouldn't doubt for a second to confront them about it. I feel like he doesn't defend me from his mom.
We did had a long talk about his mom, and he's aware that he has to set up some boundaries. He seems to agree with my thoughts regarding the whole situation. Yet, he still won't confront her. I talked about it with my brother and he says that I should cut him some slack, that it's normal that he doesn't want to fight with his mom. Am I overreacting?
Here were the top rated comments after the initial post:
I'm pretty sure you messed up by not doing a big WTF right there in the moment and demanding she delete it and apologize for going through your purse. You, OP, are underreacting.
The OP responded here:
You're right. I believed him when he said he would confront her once I left the house. It's been one day and nothing happened. This is making me re-think the whole relationship.
Dude that's so creepy wtf break up with this entire family immediately lol
She’s running a background check. Or going to take out a credit card in your name.
Soo not to alarm you but
1: That sounds like a recipe for identity theft. You only saw your ID. What else did you have in your wallet?
2: This is definitely Not Normal ™️ and if your SO is not going to stand up for you then YOU have to. This is dangerous information to have loose. What if her phone gets stolen?
3: You have a SO problem and should get on one accord now before anything goes any further.
11 days later, the OP returned with an update.
'UPDATE: MIL denies taking any pictures of my ID and partner cuts her off'
I posted some days ago about my MIL going trough my purse and taking a picture of my ID. My partner and I both saw the picture, but he checked her phone to be sure and found the picture again among the deleted pictures next to pictures of his credit cards and driver's license (of course, WITHOUT HIS CONSENT).
He finally confronted her and she denied it all. She acted offended and she said she would never go through my things, that why in the world would she need my ID and so on.
She called me a liar and said I'm trying to strain their relationship. FIL was not involved in this and believes that she did it, but justifies her by saying she just wanted to run a background check on me because she 'loves her son too much and only wants to protect him'.
My partner didn't want to further push her but did say he had checked her phone and saw the picture again. He made it clear she's not going to be welcome into our house. He decided to go very low contact with her. I'm so happy my partner has at least started to put up proper boundaries.
Here were the top rate comments from readers after the update:
Lock down your credit ASAP.
THIS!!!! Also alert your bank as well as his. I cannot overstate how much you SHOULD overreact to this! Couples and individual therapy should be a part of any plans if you plan to have a future with your partner. I am so sorry you have to go through this but am glad you know without a doubt this happened. She has shown you who she is. Believe her.
Yeah, with pics of his credit cards and all, I would definitely lock down your credit, and partner should do the same.
I would put a hold on credit cards etc. There isn’t much you can do as far as the ID. My mother did this to me. She than used my credit cards(trying to repair damage she did) and maxed them out. I ended up having a huge issue, had to file reports with the credit card companies and the credit bureau. It was a mess.
She wouldn’t need his credit cards for anything but something similar. She could have done the same to you being that she had your wallet. Just as a precaution. Unfortunately this probably had little to do with a back ground check.
Serious boundaries are going to be needed going further if he wants to resume their relationship. She can’t come to your home at all. Purse, wallets, etc are never brought into her home and car is always locked if you’re inside. Sadly I have to do this with my mother.
The OP responded again here:
We both have reported our cards as stolen. He didn't see any pictures of my cards, but she probably took a picture of mine too but deleted afterwards.
'Sadly I have to do this with my mother.'
Wow, I'm sorry you had to go through this, disgusting. How's the relationship with you mother now?
Well honestly it’s not awesome. I was the only girl of three boys, and my mother has always hated me. I basically raised my younger brothers because she was well a mess. My childhood was a nightmare really. She also used all of our names/social security numbers to open accounts in all sorts of crazy sh*t.
Okay, if FIL thinks she took pictures of your ID to run a background check, because 'she loves her son so much' then why does she have pictures of her own sons IDs and credit cards?
If she wants to protect him the why does she have photos of his credit cards so that she can use them behind his back?