'My MIL wants my husband to be unfaithful so she can have grandchildren.'
"My MIL wants my husband to be unfaithful so she can have grandchildren."
There’s really nothing nice he or I could say about MIL. She is down right a truly mean spirited and awful person. He had a terrible childhood because of her only giving him the bare minimum, maybe even less.
We move to a different city a few years ago because she was impeding on our lives. She has never liked me and made it clear. She only ever really calls when she wants something like money, gifts, or to berate him for not being there enough for the family. She believes that she is entitled to everything he has because she “ raised” him.
Some highlights:
* She talks crap about me behind my back and in front of my face.
* She has constantly berated me for my interest and called me childish because of them.
* She’s constantly asking if he’s sure I’m the person he wants to be with.
* When we do visit, she purposely cooks things I can’t eat.
* During a trip we were all supposed to take for his brother’s graduation. She purposely excluded me from accommodations so I wouldn’t be able to go. (His brother invited me)
* She’s constantly telling him that I’m just an entitled girl who’s had life too easy (I have not) I have been through things that I can’t even post.
* She’s also hates animals and says my Elsa is worthless and I shouldn’t have him because all animals are disgusting.
But yesterday she really took the cake with what she said.
I unfortunately had the big C when I was 14 years old and can’t have children. I was told that I could possibly end up pregnant, but even then it would be too risky on myself and my body to carry a child and give birth. We talked about it for a long time. I even told him that I understood if he didn’t wanna be with me, but it turns out that neither one of us wants kids.
His mom though is obsessed with having grandchildren she already has one that his sister. His brother’s wife is currently pregnant as well. In total there will be two grandchildren, but she is obsessed with my partner, giving her a grand grandchild.
Like literally giving her a baby.
When he explained to her yesterday that I could not have children. He also told her even if I got pregnant it would be too risky. Her suggestion was that he cheat on me and get another girl pregnant.
She suggested that once that girl gives birth that they just give her the baby. My partner was absolutely flabbergasted when she suggested that. At the time he did not defend me and I could not blame him because I do not believe anybody would have a normal reaction to hearing that.
That is not a normal thing to say to anyone. She even told him that if he did that that he shouldn’t even tell me, and once it was all over, we could go back to our normal lives.
Now, today I’ve had time to really think about it I’m genuinely upset and horrified. I knew she was not a good person, and I was aware that she really didn’t like me. But never in a million years that I think that she would think so little of me and have so little respect for me as a human being.
She really thinks that I deserve so little of anything and she has made that abundantly clear now. And now that I’ve had time to think about I’m really questioning our relationship. Especially since he won’t fully go no contact with her only low/minimal contact.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Not only do you have a MIL problem you also have a husband problem which is a red flag in any relationship that the other person does not stand by his wife’s side against his own mother who is being very hurtful. You need to think do you want to spend the rest of your life being treated that way by both your husband and MIL. Stay strong and stand your ground. Best of luck.
This MIL problem is being exacerbated by your Husband problem. He needs to lead the charge on going no contact, or he can address all of the issues that come with his inability to stand up for you.
Okay so beyond being atrocious and concerning that she cooked up this plan so immediately, it’s just that simple and will definitely work for her? He’ll just so easily find this woman who is both willing to be a side chick and have a baby and then also let Mil play grandma?
It sounds like she watches too many soap operas. But also- he should have explained nothing. He should have told her to mind her business, and why is he allowing her to treat you the way she does? This is just one problem but there’s a dozen you just listed when he already should have told her where she gets off. I absolutely would be questioning this relationship.
This is just wow.... Why did he tell her that about you and make it your fault? Why did he then come back to you and let you know his mum thinks he should be allowed to get another woman pregnant just so he's fathered a child? And then the whole so she can raise the baby too?
Like does she think yeah he can keep his marriage after fathering a baby elsewhere because she'll raise the baby so he will have contact but you won't have to be burdened with seeing the baby so everything will be fine... Why is he even in contact with her still that she is comfortable enough to even say stuff like that to him 👀
WTF she moved over surrogacy or adoption and right to affair 🤣 and the pregnant person will be happy to got through that and labour and give up her baby for you 2 to raise? She really wants to ruin multiple people lives for a grandchild 🙀
Holy smokes, that is beyond messed up. Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work. I'm sorry you have to deal with her. And her suggestion for your partner to cheat on you just for the sake of giving her a grandchild? That's just disgusting and shows how little she values your relationship.
I hope your partner stands up for you and puts his foot down with his mother. You deserve someone who will defend and support you. Don't let her words make you question your relationship, because it sounds like your partner is just as appalled by her suggestion as you are.
-ExhaustedPotato (OP)
He was honestly flabbergasted at the time and didn’t know what to say. I really do think he went through the stages and needed to process everything. It took him about a day to process everything because he really didn’t think she would say something like that. Like that’s beyond messed up.
And in the end as of last night he has gone completely no contact with her. He has blocked her and his father in everything, even some of his siblings. The only person who he is choosing to communicate with is his sister who is actually a good person and not insane.