'MIL wants to turn our carefully planned spring break trip into a circus. What's wrong with her?'
"MIL wants to turn our carefully planned spring break trip into a circus. What's wrong with her?"
For context: I gave birth in January. Third baby. I physically cannot travel, but I didn't want my 5.5F and 3M to miss out on spring break — so I booked a 2-bedroom suite at Kalahari Water Resort. $3K. Three nights.
My husband and my freshly-retired MIL (70F) will take the two kids to visit it. Everyone has space, no one is stressed — especially my husband, who I specifically designed this whole setup around because stress is not his love language. Simple. Clean. Everyone agreed. And then MIL got ideas.
Out of nowhere, she texts saying she invited her two step-grandsons (11M and 9M) for a day visit. They live 45 mins from the resort. We've met their parents maybe 2-3 times in 15 years. Never met the kids. But sure — water park, come splash, whatever.
Then she asks if the boys can stay overnight and join for a second day. I said fine, as long as their parents are okay to share beds with them. Then she dropped the bomb: the parents were not coming. JUST THE BOYS.
So here's the roster my MIL was casually assembling for this trip: My 70-year-old MIL My husband (sweet man, organizationally hopeless) My 5.5 and 3 year old (basically feral babies) Two boys we have NEVER MET.
She also mentioned that her husband, who just had leg surgery and is navigating on a cart — would like to come but is waiting for approval from his doctor. Oh, and he will be driving separately because he wants to visit a buddy on the way home.
Four kids. Two elderly adults, one post-op. One husband who couldn't organize a two-car funeral. A giant chaotic water park. And me, at home, with a newborn, presumably just trusting this to work out.
Her reasoning? She rarely gets to see these step-grandsons who live 2.5 hours away. Cool. Except you retired THREE months ago and have visited us — your actual grandchildren who live 30 minutes away — exactly twice. Each time lasted 2 hours.
I finally put my foot down. I told her: At least one of the boys' parents needs to be present. I am not okay with my husband being legally and logistically responsible for them, while also managing a 3-year-old and 5.5-year-old in a packed water park.
Her husband should not come. I say this with love — riding a cart across a massive resort after leg surgery sounds like a medical event waiting to happen. She apologized and said she'd "figure it out and let us know."
So here's where I'm at: If she comes back and says she's sticking to her original chaotic vision, I'm canceling the trip entirely because I don't like the risk. If she backs out, guess me and my 8-week-old will join the trip. Either way, she is not going to be any part of family trip any more.
Update: So MIL texted and confirmed — if the boys come, it's one day only, at least one parent included, no overnight. Great. Problem solved on paper. But then there's her beloved husband.
She says if her husband decides to come, he "won't be wandering around the park." I'm sorry — then what exactly is he coming for? To sit in the lobby on his cart and watch people walk by? You dragged a post-op man three hours from home to a water park so he can… not participate in the water park? Make it make sense.
And the thing that is STILL living in my head rent free — she genuinely thought my 5-year-old daughter was just going to naturally tag along with two boys aged 9 and 11 that she has never met in her life. DOES SHE KNOW WHAT 9 AND 11 YEAR OLD BOYS BEHAVE LIKE IN A WATER PARK?!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Can't you cancel? Let your husband take the kids out for a movie, to eat junk food, or play in the park.... If he's bad at organizing stuff, make an schedule and buy everything that requires tickets before hand so he doesn't get stressed.
Because honestly, to me it seems that MIL is just saying what you want to hear, but I wouldn't put it past her to simply have the step grandchildren overnight. It sounds like a disaster of a trip is waiting to happen.
I agree. She going to hijack this trip for whatever she wants to do, never mind what she says. Cancel it. Why should you spend that kind of money just for her to turn it into her dream vacation? If you are not there, she's going to do it anyway. Don't give her the satisfaction of thinking she has pulled one over on you.
Does your voice work? You could solve this whole problem by just saying "No."
I can't believe she hijacked a $3k trip. And your husband was going to end up watching 4 kids, 2 seniors, one fresh out of surgery. The audacity of this woman.
Potential_Cricket227 (OP)
Exactly! I was like, OMG you don't care about your son at all! All you want to do is to please your husband and husband's family.
Cancel. MIL didn’t ask to invite other people, she just did it. The purpose of her going was to help with your children, not to cosplay as the Worlds Best Grandparent by inviting step kids. I’m sure she’ll be supervising them and helping out with your kids, right? /s
At 3 and 5, there’s a ton of fun things you can do at home. Rent a bouncy house. Do a cereal bar for dinner. Have a movie night in the house with treats, drinks and whatnot. My kids loved doing “fancy drinks” night (smoothies with whipped cream, sprinkles and straws) or ice cream sundae nights.
I would make sure to CALL the other parents and explain that sorry, MIL overstepped. The boys are ONLY welcome during the day, WITH A PARENT. If they show up anyway, you will have no choice but to send them home.
This is not a good idea. It only take seconds for a tragedy to occur that would change everyone's life forever. If you can't trust your husband any more than you do, how do expect him to ensure the safety of not one, but TWO, small children with no help? This is absolutely wild! Why would you be so determined to keep a 3 YO and a 5 YO from missing spring break?
They don't even know what spring break is. Neither will ever remember the trip unless something traumatic happens that scars everyone for life. You should cancel this trip. This is so dangerous. Let them take the kids to the zoo for a day or something if you need to get them out of the house.