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Mom blames son for his 'bully' siblings, son's wife says, 'no, you raised awful kids.' AITA?

Mom blames son for his 'bully' siblings, son's wife says, 'no, you raised awful kids.' AITA?

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"AITA for telling my MIL she should evaluate her own actions as well as the actions of her older children instead of placing blame on my husband?"

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My husband is the only child my MIL and FIL had together during their marriage. Though both were previously married and had children from those marriages. My husband has always been the outsider when it comes to his siblings.

This was something his siblings were vocal and unashamed about. They told him he was not their real sibling and that he did not share the same parents as either set of siblings. Growing up, he felt more like an only child than a kid with siblings.

Age gaps can naturally have that happen but he was told to his face that he was NOT their sibling. They would tell him he would never be a real sibling to them. Also, they would always make it a point to not mention him when family was referenced and if they had to do some kind of family tree project they would always make sure he could see that he was not on it.

MIL and FIL would encourage my husband to reach out to his siblings, to take an interest. They would have him give them gifts and cards personally for their birthdays and Christmas. He would be told to go spend time with them.

My husband has mentioned that there were times they would get a little annoyed if he was inside and his siblings were outside playing. He did try talking to his parents but they would tell him he should take an interest, etc.

My husband and his siblings are now all adults. My husband is 25 and his siblings are all in their 30s. His siblings also have children. He has never met a single one of their kids.

When we got engaged, they did not show up to the engagement party. So, he did not invite them to the wedding. FIL at this point had accepted it. But MIL is still frustrated and angry every time my husband doesn't bend over backwards to make the effort with his siblings.

They got into a huge fight a few weeks ago. She brought up our wedding and told him it was his fault his siblings didn't come to the engagement party and the wedding and he never gave them a chance at all with the wedding. She told him he is an adult now and can easily reach out and let them know they are wanted, etc. She told him it was his responsibility and he should be doing more.

A week later she was complaining to me about us not showing up for her grandchild's birthday. I pointed out how we weren't invited and she went on a rant about my husband. I cut her off and told her she had no right to blame my husband.

I told her NONE of this was his fault. That she needs to start evaluating her own actions as well as the actions of her older kids instead of placing the blame for the poor relationship on my husband who was born into this mess.

I told her he has tried and tried and in return had her and FIL in his face about it all and on the other side had their other kids telling him over and over he's nothing, he means nothing, they don't care if he dies. She told me to mind my own business and how dare I speak to her that way. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

MontanaWildWiman

NTA. Oh she is (MIL) full of delusion. If she admits that her older kids were abusive to your hubby, shes going to have to admit to herself that it is absolutely her and her hubby's fault. Sounds like that is something she wont do.

Have you discussed setting some boundaries with her? As in if she wants to come around your family shes going to have to learn how to keep her mouth shut far as blame game goes.

The OP responded here:

Left_Pop_7275

We have been discussing this some. Nothing set in stone yet but it is coming. At this point he needs to or he will go crazy with all of this.

YouthNAsia63

Your husband is your business. And you dare speak to her that way because she won’t stop harping on it. And this is how opinionated MIL’s find themselves cut off or at least rarely in the company of their younger child. NTA.

Hippy_Dippy_Gypsy

NTA - you just spoke your truth. Perhaps consider a family meeting or group phone call. With MIL, FIL and older siblings and just clear the air - once and for all. Just say the truth, let the siblings agree and then tell MIL to move on.

The OP again responded:

Left_Pop_7275

They don't talk to my husband to even arrange that. He's not even sure he has the right numbers for them anymore. They just never answered his calls.

Merro-Rell

NTA. It's simple: you stood up for your husband when everyone else had been against him. MIL is asking for a lot.

PacifistWarFreak

NTA. Your MIL is ignoring the mistreatment your husband's half-siblings are subjecting him to, probably in some twisted attempt of realizing her ideal family. She's failing in achieving that and she's putting all the blame on your husband. She's not part of the solution. She's a big part of the problem. It would be better for your husband and your family to cut her and his half-siblings out.

So, if you could get the OP any advice, what would you say?

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