Mom brings infant to 12yo daughter's play; misses 'big solo.' AITA?

Bringing a baby places adds a whole level of challenges that otherwise wouldn't be there. As adorable and charming as they are, babies make a lot of sudden noises, produce a lot of sudden bodily fluids, and both need and demand attention at a rate that extends way beyond their size.

In many situations, this is fine. But in contexts that require quiet attentiveness - like a play, a baby can be the worst addition possible.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she's wrong for bringing her baby to her older daughter's play.

She wrote:

AITA for bringing my baby to her sister’s performance and not leaving when she cried?

This has caused drama I was not expecting. I have 2 children with my ex-husband, “Will,” “Penelope” (12F) and “Jonny” (10M). A few years ago, I remarried “Chris”. We have a 6-month-old baby girl together, “Lyla.” Penelope and Jonny live primarily with their father as he’s closer to their school. They come to us on the weekends.

Penelope is in the theater program at her school. I missed the fall shows because I was in labor and then had a newborn. Penelope understood as best a preteen girl can. Her spring show opened last week. Chris and Lyla came with me. Will, Jonny and Will’s wife “Ariana” were already there. Will saw I brought Lyla and got a weird look about him but Ariana hushed him and said “just let it go”.

Lyla slept through the first half. A little before intermission, she awoke and was fussy. I began rocking her and trying to calm her while also watching the play. I got a few dirty looks from parents around me. I gave them a “what can you do” shrug, as it’s a baby. At intermission, Will suggested Chris take Lyla home.

I said she should sleep during the second half and Chris said he wanted to watch the performance. Will started getting upset but again, Ariana had him walk away. Lyla did fall asleep again. But halfway through Act II, Lyla woke up and started screaming. It was loud enough this time that it did catch the performers off guard. I quickly went into the lobby with Lyla.

When I tried to go back in once she calmed, the usher wouldn’t let me, saying once a person leaves, they’re not allowed in to prevent interruptions. Meaning, I missed Penelope’s solo. Penelope refused to see me after the show nor accept the flowers we bought for her. I watched her leaving with Ariana, who was consoling her.

Will met me in the parking lot. He was pissed. He said I never should’ve brought Lyla, pointing out he and Ariana got a sitter for their young child. I said I didn’t want to leave Lyla and felt it was good we all supported her. After missing the fall show, I wanted to be there for my daughter. I added it was just a middle school performance, it isn’t the end of the world.

He gave me a disgusted look and walks away. Penelope hasn’t answered my calls or text. This weekend, she refused to come over. Chris thinks we were in the right, but my parents are just as pissed and called me an a*s. AITA?

The internet, in all its glory, provided a lot of responses to OP's question.

GameProtein wrote:

YTA. Penelope did not feel 'good' or 'supported' that your infant with your new husband was so loud she distracted the actors and that ultimately, you ended up missing her solo to care for her.

You should have gotten a sitter or at the absolute least taken her home when she started becoming distracting. It's also amazingly crappy to say it's not the end of the world that you ruined something so important to your daughter. You owe your daughter a massive apology for being selfish.

CrystalQueen3000 wrote:

“AITA for bringing my baby to my daughter's performance and missing her solo?”

There, fixed it for you and yes YTA.

moyir90 wrote:

YTA performances like that are so important to young girls. I don't know why Chris couldn't take her Lyla home since this is your daughter's solo. It would have been best to have gotten a sitter for a couple of hours.

heartbrekker wrote:

YTA. First, Lyla is a baby and can’t support anyone. You, however, are Penelope’s mother and should do whatever you can to appropriately support her. Such as having the foresight to get a babysitter, or having your husband take charge of the screaming baby.

Second, it’s just awful that you’ve dismissed something so clearly important to Penelope as “just a middle school performance.” At 12, a solo performance is likely one of the biggest moments of her life so far, and you ruined it.

Sad-Leopards wrote:

YTA. 100% No one comes to a play to hear someone else's baby cry. You disrespected the efforts of the performers, disrupted the show, missed your daughter's solo, upset the other parents around you, upset the people you are meant to be co-parenting with, likely upset your own baby, etc.

Why would your daughter need or want the support of an infant who obviously would have no clue what's going on. That's BS you are telling yourself. You could have come alone. You could have gotten a sitter.

You put your own feelings over your daughter, the work of the performers, and the other families who you interrupted there to see their own kids. I wouldn't come over anymore if I was your daughter. What's the point? You've proven exactly who and what your priorities are.

It's unanimous, OP is TA through and through.