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Woman reveals plan to spend first month after birth at mom's house, fiance freaks out.

Woman reveals plan to spend first month after birth at mom's house, fiance freaks out.


Post-partum is an intense time for women.

Not only do they have to deal with the massive change of having a new baby, but they also have to nagivate the changes in their own body and energy levels, all while fielding dozens of invasive questions from curious family members and colleagues.

Having a strong support system, for both the day-to-day logistics and the emotional changes can make all the difference in the world. However, one partner isn't always equipped or willing to provide the care that is often needed.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for wanting to stay with her mom after giving birth.

She wrote:

WIBTA if I stayed with my mom for a month after giving birth?

I 23F) am expecting my first child with my fiancé (25M). We have been together for two years and he also has two children (6F and 4M) from his previous relationship with his high school sweetheart. For some context, the children live with us full-time because their mother abandoned them 3 years ago to pursue her own ambitions.

Now, I am currently 5 months pregnant with my first biological child (a boy) and am excited for his arrival. However, for some time now I have noticed my fiancé has not been holding his own weight in our relationship, to put it bluntly. For example, I do the majority of house chores like sweeping, mopping, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, etc.

Granted I had given him some slack because he was in an accident earlier this year which took a couple months to recover from, but it was an issue before that. There’s other things like only me waking up in the middle of the night when one of the kids has a fever or when our 4-year-old sometimes has accidents, to change sheets and clean him up.

Even when I had been sick multiple times with strep or sinus infections. At first, he’d say he understands and will try to do better, but it only lasted a few days then it was back to the same habits. My mom and grandma live about an hour and a half away and they asked if i could stay with one of them after I give birth so they could take care of me during the first month of postpartum.

This will be my mom's first grandchild and my grandmother's first great-grand-child. In my culture, it is common for the women in the family to take care of the new mother to help with healing, breastfeeding, and bonding with the new baby. I loved the idea so I brought it up with my fiancé and he was upset. He said it wasn’t fair that he would have to travel that far just to see his son.

I tried explaining to him that during that time I honestly don’t feel like I would have any time to heal between the two kids, a newborn, and postpartum, I feel like I wouldn’t get the necessary help I would desperately need. He became even more visibly upset and said that I didn’t trust him and has been sulking ever since our conversation.

I'm torn between sucking it up and giving him the benefit of the doubt to prove he could be the support I need or just leaving and not taking the chance. So WIBTA?

Edit: I have had quite a few people ask if I am a SAHM and the answer is no. We both worked full-time jobs up until his accident. For the past 3 months, I have been the only one working full time and supporting the household, with some additional help from family and savings. He’s getting back into work after being cleared by his doctor.

People weighed in with their assessments of the situation.

ParsimoniousSalad wrote:

NTA but you're 5 months pregnant. He has 4 months to prove that he can FULLY take over caring for the children and the house. Let him try, but expect to stay with your mother.

hellolittlebears wrote:

NTA he’s just upset he has to actually take care of his own children for a month.

CheerilyTerrified wrote:

Why don't you go now for a week or two and let him take care of everything while you rest and get better so you don't keep getting sick? Let him show you he can step up and do everything that will need to be done while you are recovering. NTA.

julet1815 wrote:

NTA but your husband showed you what kind of negligent father he is with his first two kids, so I’m not sure why you thought he would be a good person to procreate with.

KartlindWitch wrote:

NTA - He doesn't want you to leave because if you leave he will actually be responsible for all the household stuff and parenting. He isn't going to magically step up and be a good partner and father when the baby gets here because guess what? He is *already* a husband and father TO TWO CHILDREN and he is slacking.

Babe this doesn't get better with more children running around. I mean the man is 25 and will have THREE kids. That doesn't really scream 'I'm responsible and dependable' to me.

OP is definitely NTA, and if anything, this whole situation suggests she might need to take another look at her relationship.

Sources: Reddit
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